I'm back from a suddenly planned visit to my parents in my hometown with my wife. We had it planned after a couple of weeks or next month, but my father (who has been diagnosed with cancer a few months back) and also my mom and sis (his primary caregivers) expressed that we come immediately as they need my presence there and wanted to spend some time with me and my wife.
I left in such a hurry that I did not find time to even go online and let you all know that I wouldn't be available for a week. Please forgive me and bear with me, my family. Lack of communication has always been a problem for me and still is...
Me and my wife had a lovely time with my parents and my sister. It was the first major family get together after our marriage and I had an amazing experience with my father, filled with intimate moments, where we got closer like never before, sharing all that we ever wanted to share with each other, expressing all kinds of thoughts and feelings in a free flow of emotions, straight from the heart.
They were so happy to see us happily married and blessed us with many gifts and wonderful gestures. I felt like that at long last, my desires in context with my marriage and my parents were all fulfilled by my Higher Power, proving all my fears unreal and untrue. Once again, I witnessed how miraculous and rewarding it is to not submit to my mind's fears and reasoning, and instead surrender to the direction that the Steps and my Higher Power lead me to, trusting that my Higher Power is in charge, not me or the limited ability of my mind to judge what might happen as an outcome...
Oh... sorry for the long ramble... Glad to be back at home here at MIP... and once again, please excuse me for my sudden absence and the resulting inconvenience in my service commitments here...
I have to admit I missed you all terribly, and also I realized how important all of you had become in my daily recovery only when I was deprived of all of you...
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
i am so glad that your absence was such a wonderful experiance for you and your family.
i was reading another posting you wrote about the bigger picture and it made me think of my own situation and my family.
i started messing with drugs at a xmas party of 2003, it was our last work party because in one month the intire department that i worked in across this provance was being laid off and i had been depressed for some time when temptations was put in front of me..
it started off just being a night here and there , every couuple of months, then after a year it turned into binges... lasting longer , costing more . causing more troubles..
but things didn't really get to a head until my mom fell last xmas and broke her neck, i was so scared. being who i am and how i am i guess i'm co dependant on her. and the thought of losing her and hearing her wanting rather to die then live such a disabled life was more then i could handle. and wouldn[t you know it the devil of addiction took that oppertunaty to cross my path with some real bad asses!!!! who were more than willing to take me down that dark road.
that was a year ago and i've been clean and in recovering for almost 6 months now. i moved 13 hondred miles away from home. not realizing at first that my being safe and working on myself was better for them then my living close but being screwed up.
i actually took a lot of stress and worry off there minds . ( my mom and dad told me how proud they are of me just the other day. and before that about a month ago , when i got my job and told them i was still going to NA , she said that the meetings were probably more inportant then work or anything else)...LOL...
there's more to the story i haven't even gotten to the big picture yet but i think i've rambled enough for one day...LOL..
Glad to see you back Tahir and glad the journey turned out as it did, what a wonderful thing in the light of the situation, everythings going to be ok .
It's really weird how things work , something is very heavy on my mind this morning and I think what I am seeing is that we have got to rely on our higher power to make things right in our lives , lives that were totally out of control and a mess with US in charge. When we trust in this high power and do some neccessary things and start making even slight changes things seem to turn around for us in so many ways, including and most importantly with our familys.
Maybe it's how it always should have been but wasn't, because of choices we made that were selfish, drug use came first and foremost over everything and now that we are clean other things become important that should have been anyhow , that's kinda where i'm at this morning too. Realizing how much things are changing and how I am coming to a new understanding in life and the WHY'S i've always have are coming into light and yet I still don't know how to handle them, because these things have to be handled delicately, they are important.
I'm so gald you were able to spend that time with you Dad Tahir and get waht you got, what a special gift you have recieved this week.
We all want nothing more then happiness I think, i'll just bet you also brought that to your Father and mom and Sis Tahir, it's all good now!
And Peggy the girft you give to your family is that you've taken away the worry, this is especially wonderful for them trust me I know, though it may feel a little empty knowing others aren't thinking about us so much, at least when they do it's not that they are worrying about us but that they are happy for us which in turn makes them happy, once again things are set right the way they ought to be......
So good to have you back and I'm glad to hear that the planned-moved-up trip went well. I am sure there is nothing like spending that time with your dad and being able to do/say what you did. I wish I could have had that time with my father. I'm sure it would have been somewhat easier than it is now, but they tell me that this pain will make me stronger in the end. I'm just so happy for you and you gave me a little more encouragement to keep working on my feelings and 'stuff' towards my dad. Another perfect example of my HP doing what I cannot do for myself. . .
It's a wonderful thing when families are accepting and can express that after what some of us have put them through. I'm so happy for you, your wife, and your family! Keep doing what you're doing cuz it obviously works (n gives encouragement to people like me!)
And Peggy the girft you give to your family is that you've taken away the worry, this is especially wonderful for them trust me I know, though it may feel a little empty knowing others aren't thinking about us so much, at least when they do it's not that they are worrying about us but that they are happy for us which in turn makes them happy, once again things are set right the way they ought to be......
THANK YOU BIGV. i feel like i have found some friends here . huge hugs peggy
Thanks family for all those loving and caring responses. Glad I have all of you in my recovery today. Echobar, happy to read your posts again here at MIP. Hugs and Love.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
