sponsorship things

dalin · Senior Member

sponsorship things

Raman · Guru

One thing is clear,,,,

i have found many sponsees eager to get into the Steps and live life on lifes terms !!!

They seem to be naturally inclined to the Steps !!

But i have to go into confrontation mode with those that coem to me for Steps but in one way or the other are distracted !!

Recently i had call off with one sponsee who refused to get serious about the Steps,,,,I really was waiting for him to finish the Fourth Step,,,,

he was doing good otherwise like Service in NA,,, holding responsible and trusted positions,,also helping newcomers in other ways,,,

but he refused to listen about personal life issues,,,

that led to a lack of Serenity for him and also a very heavy control trip,,

he also became the foucs of resentment for many people including Nas !

i also believe he had vitiated the atmosphere of Unity we were so carefully nurtring here !!

And then one morning after reflection and Meditation and Basic Text input,,,

least i go crazy trying to change him,,,

i gave him marching orders,,, i had to let him go,,,

i was surprised at myself that when i finally told him personally that he is no more my sponsee,,, i did that without any hate or rebuff,,

just stated it plain and simple !!!

And know what,,,, ive had many sponsees,,

this is the first time I have told a sponsee to take a walk !~!!

ALLASAME ITS LIKE GOD BLESS THIS ADDICT IN HIS RECOVERY !!

dalin · Senior Member

well im sure things will work themselves out.

and i know that this guy was a little older.

but he filled out the stepguide like he was doing high school math,but wont live like he writes

he acts one way and writes another

i only know that God knows more than i do in this deal,and as long as i stay humble i wont crumble.

but d@mngetting humility hurts sometimes.

i just know we all need each other,and hope i didnt shame this guy to much

i believe what greg told me,that God lives in each sponsee of mine,

and how i treat them is how i treat him

Tahir · Member

Thanks Dalin and Raman, for sharing your experiences about the many difficulties in Sponsorship. I can relate so much with what you both had to share, and I'm grateful that I have you both in my recovery to share with. Gives me lots of strength and hope. Hugs and Love.

Lon · Senior Member

Hi Friends,
In my experience, I have learned that I cannot want a sponsee to recover more than they want recovery for themselves. I cannot take responsibility for their recovery, or I will have to take responsibility for their relapse too. I do rely heavily on that old saying.."You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink." The best I can do is to make sure they are thirsty, by letting them watch me drink from the spring of recovery.

I have not yet had to tell a sponsee that I will not sponsor them any longer. I think that is because I do not force my view of "the proper way" to work the steps on them. I know that the path I had to walk to find willingness was different from the path others have walked to reach the point of willingness to find recovery. We are all just where we need to be on our journey. It is hard to reach a point of acceptence with someone we care about. I do want my sponsees to "get it", but they have to walk their own path until they want to walk with me. I have cried several times, watching a sponsee in a difficult situation (using or acting out in other ways), but the only thing I can do is tell them that there is another way-and assure them that I am willing to help when they are ready for help.

Recovery is not for those who need it, it is for those who want it.

"If you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps."

I had to reach the point of being ready.... I had to become willing and I had to want recovery. I was a hardheaded addict-nothing could be forced on me-but enough pain in my life allowed me to find the desire to live in recovery, instead of just talking it.

Lon

dalin · Senior Member

i try to teach my sponsees the way greg p,and my current sponsor bo have taught me.i sponsor 2 guys in the states,one in iowa,one in north carolina.i sponsor 8 guys up here in canada.most of these guys sponsor people.i dont usualy do many newcomers,most of these folks have a few years.

one lives three hours north of here and has two sponsees.

it is all about willingness.

if a newcomer comes in and says he is ready,but his actions tell a diferant story,well it doesnt allow me to grow.

i could waste alot of my time,and theres trying to pretend like there is some willingness were none is at a year clean.

we have addicts filling our rooms in toronto.

so i have to use Gods time wisely

dalin · Senior Member

and this isnt about arrogance.

but it is about how our sponsorship family has done it for a long time.

we are supose to be each others eyes and ears around here,so thanks for the feedback.

Tahir · Member

Thanks Lon and Dalin for sharing your experiences and perspectives. Many ways, same goal ~ passing it on!

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