The following is by no means to be a guide or cure all to the problems many of us encounter in relationships. Rather, it is the freely shared experience of our members.

While actively using, true meaningful connections between people, including ourselves, seemed impossible. Acceptance, friendship or the simple love from another seemed to be our most elusive goal. When the use of chemicals ended, our senses seemed to awaken tenfold. We allowed ourselves feelings and responded to others in ways strange to us. For the first time in our lives, relationships began to have a sense of meaning.

In recovery, we seem amazed at how many forms of relationships we may allow ourselves. Before, our thinking may have been very limited in understanding the word "relationship." Many of us may have naturally thought of this topic in the male/female form. But this subject, while talked about often at meetings, covers a very broad area.

We now realize that we can have relationships with other men, women, children, employers, our Higher Power, ourselves and so on. The list may seem endless once we permit ourselves the freedom that is given to each of us. We come to the conclusion that it is important to deal with all forms of relationships. If they are good, bad or indifferent, we have to deal with them somehow. It is necessary in our program of recovery to respect first ourselves and our lives for what they are. This lays the groundwork for any association we may have with others.

Our capacity to have meaningful relationships has been damaged by our self centered attitude and the kind of thinking we developed over time as our disease progressed. We learn to stop making excuses for our past and accept our reality. We need to realize that there are many recovering addicts struggling with the same feelings regarding relationships.

It is important to begin forming new bonds with people who are going to teach us a new way of life. We begin to trust them and believe in the principles of this program.

Relationships are a process and in anything we do, we need to always remember that we only need to improve, we will never stop growing. We need to challenge our `old beliefs' about relationships. We learn from our past mistakes that led to problems in dealing with others. We accept the fact that work and effort must be applied and are willing to make the necessary changes.

But what changes and options are available? This list may also seem unlimited, considering we all walk different paths in our recovery. What works for one may not work for another. We need not dwell on the negatives in our relationships but instead nurture our positive qualities. In the past, we may have thought that a troubled relationship was not worth saving. We were blinded by chemicals and unsure feelings. In essence we weren't sure what we wanted and where we were headed.

Today, we can envision our relationships with others and how we would like them to be. We learn to develop any associations we have in the present moment and proceed from there. If we allow ourselves to be tormented by past memories or threatened by future worries, we may never attain a truly loving relationship. Unnecessary stress will be placed on all our daily encounters.

Honesty, trust, open communication, acceptance, courage and wisdom are some of the more important aspects of leading a spiritual life and nurturing both existing and new found relationships. Many of us never learned these attributes or lost them while we were using. However, we can acquire them through listening at meetings, using the Serenity Prayer and working the Twelve Steps. [Input from Philadelphia Area Lit]