The last month or so have been really good for me. I bought a car all on my own. I bought a 2004 Ford Mustang. Been working in my mother's office part time. Been staying clean.
I haven't really been going to meetings lately and I'm kicking myself in my own ass. lol. I just moved to Austin so I'm in a new area. Before I was going back and forth from Dallas, tx to Austin, tx. Now i'm here to stay. I'm looking for a meeting in the area.
Something I'm going through right now which breaks my heart is my mother's addiction.
Every day when I come home from work I find my mother all messed up on xanax and completely out of her mind. She can't walk, talk or even think straight. She just keeps repeating herself when you try to talk to her.
Today when I came home I had to leave the house. I went for a drive in my new car and just started bawling my eyes out. I can't do this. I'm going to try to make it to a meeting tonight for support.
Michelle, so glad to hear from you again. Was in fact thinkin' of you on a couple of occasions and checkin' out if you have logged on lately at this forum. Congrats on the new car, another gift of recovery yeah... So sorry about your mom. Sometimes, it's very difficult for me to admit my powerlessness over the addiction of my loved ones too. Somehow I feel that I can change them, the way they are living their life and all that, and the moment I entertain these thoughts and act out accordingly with my loved ones, my life, my attitude, my thoughts and feelings, my daily life, everything turns more unmanageable than ever before.
So admitting the fact that I cannot change them, that I have no power to do that, and quickly moving on to the hope of the Second Step that there is a Power greater than me and my loved one, and that power takes care of my loved one just like I'm taken care of, sets me free to surrender to that Power. Doing so allows me to live and let live, and at the same time, do whatever I can to just be there when these loved ones need me, instead of trying to rush them with my codependency before they are ready or before even they ask my help...
Keep sharing with us, Michelle. We need you here.
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Well said, unspun43. By merely practising our program of recovery and living with our loved ones becomes attraction for them, and thus staying clean seems more appealing to them... Many of my using friends today call me and ask for help, not because I ever told them to stop using or try NA, but they see what they see and that gives them hope that there is a way and that I might know what that way is...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
