Hi friends, I am just a little disturbed by something. I have concentrating real hard on my recovery, my sponsor sometimes has to ask me to slow down. I want recovery so bad. I sleep eat and breath recovery. On the 15th of October I will be clean 2 months for the first time in 18 years. Prior to my attending NA meetings I admitted myself to a 5 week live in hospital program. While I was an in patient I was faced with a challenge. Some random guy was walking the street late at night while I was out having a smoke. He approached me asking me for a smoke, I am not a selfish person, but I only had the one that I was smoking and the rest were inside. He said "oh, I just wanted your ash really". I said to him "you must want that to smoke crack do you", and he said "yes". Ok that was my drug of choice for a good while. I was completely nervous, I started to shake, sweat, I am sure you guys know the drill. Anyways I went back in and spoke to others there to get it off my chest and hopefully out of my mind. I saw him a week ago at an NA meeting and felt angry by seeing him. But I decided to cut him so slack, maybe he had a slip and found his way back. When he decided to share with the group he was proudly talking about his 8 years clean. I saw him again tonight and once again I felt anger. I know I should not judge or concern myself with his issues, but I am angry because he has no idea how he made me feel that night. I was obbsessing for hours. I guess I would like to know what you guys would do besides pray for him? Thanks in advance for any advise and have a great 24, Take Care.
It's hard to admitt falling, pride is a huge thing for us and we're people who live in alot of shame maybe he just couldn't handle feeling that shame and feeling like a failure.
But in reality it would be best if he got honest and faced his demons but alot of us live in lies and take that as reality, I dunno.
Shelia, I understand your anger. Perhaps you could count your blessings...you do not have to live that lie as the other person does. That is a huge blessing. It is hard seeing those things, but if there is anything I have gained in NA, it is the ability to see what I do not have to do. I do not have to live a lie anymore. I do find it hard to not judge, but when I am angry with someone it really helps me to pray for them......praying relieves me of my resentment and allows me to find compassion.
"There, but for the grace of HP......."
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
For me, I always keep the focus on myself in the fellowship, and on the winners, the people I can identify with, who I feel attracted to and believe that I can learn a lot from... But everyone in the fellowship has something to offer, I always pick up something, be it from my Sponsor or from an oldtimer or from a newcomer or from a using addict who show up at the meeting or even from an addict in denial... they always teach me what I can take and what I can leave... what I can do and what I can avoid from acting out... both are very important learning experiences for me... the Tao of NA fellowship always sets the balance in me...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
