Welcome to the fellowship Here take this chair When you walked through our doors We'll show you that we care
We will love you Until you can love yourself Put the plug in the jug Keep the drugs on the shelf
All you need is a desire to stop That's all it takes to join our way We'll share our program Show you how to live in today
You will never again be lonely Unless you choose As long as you don't pick up You'll never lose
We will teach you how to work the steps One by one We will teach you that in sobriety You can have fun
Surrender to win is a good place to begin First you have to clean up the past In here no one is first And no one is last
We have a way that is simple But not easy you see Rest assured we'll teach you How to live free
In here we know how you feel inside Because we have been Where your at But no longer hide
Welcome to the fellowship Of pure love This program was given to us By God above
Have some coffee Sit right down We are so happy That you have come around
We'll show you how we make our way Then you can be blessed Yourself As you give it away
Welcome to the fellowship
-- Edited by Tahir at 17:38, 2006-09-19
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I really stepped into some doodoo again today with my ex girlfriend. She pulled the same thing on me again we had a nice talk then she tells me to get lost and never call again because I got sarcastic, even explained to her where the sarcasm came from and apologized, NOPE TOO LATE got told to get lost, so this afternoon bipolar hour I WENT OFF and lost it over the phone as i'm driving down the road yelling the thought of getting loaded came in like a dart , so I grabbed hold of myself and stopped the pain I was in, somehow not sure I even prayed but realiezed what I was doing to myself and I do not want to go there and I did'nt today.
I want to be done with her it's like a drugand maybe now I have had enough pain and i'm sick and tired, the feelings are gone pretty much for her and I want to move on, so tomorrow I start over with this thing and keep letting go and surrendering and asking God for Help
I can relate a lot with you, BigV. Often times, I do the same thing. I let go of some conflict with my wife, and then when we are reconciling again, I tend to express my dissatisfaction and criticism over the conflict that I had let go before. Mostly it comes out as a defence against a feeling that now that I have let go of all that, she is taking advantage of me and trying to get at me in other ways... that unreal fear in my sick head... forcing me to act out by trying to control her every now and then... Today, I have realized that all I can try to change is myself in the relationship... It's not in my hands to change her... I'm powerless over her... If I try to change her or control her, my life becomes more and more unmanageable...
So, when my fears and insecurity threaten me in my interactions with her today, I try to address what is troubling me, and try to look only at me in those situations, and bring about a change in my attitude and my thinking... I treat her from a neutral point, not on the basis of what happened before or how she has hurt me yesterday and so on... I ask myself if I love her, and if I really do, then I do just that... love her unconditionally... with no strings attached... by accepting her as she is... I let go of my expectations and conditions that I will be good with her and express my love to her only if she behaves ok with me or only if she too reciprocates... This way I'm able to come out of my unreal projections, my fears and insecurity... and also free myself from thinking that my sanity and serenity is dependent on her actions and behavior... I'm free to be who I am... content and at peace in my relationship with her... no matter what the circumstances are... After all, the excuses I used to use drugs for so long was that my parents were not good with me, the world is a crazy place, no one understands and so on... Today, if I use the same excuses, what has changed in my life? Nothing! I only change from a using junk to clean junk, but still a junk...
BigV, let go of her. If she and you are meant to be, then no power on Earth, including you and her, can come in between. If she is not meant to be for you, then you don't need to exert and exhaust all your feelings and emotions, energy and sanity on something that your HP thinks is not your destiny...
Turn her and your feelings in context with her to your HP, and leave it all in your HP's hands... rest under your Higher Power's care assured that your HP has a plan bigger than anything that you could ever have for yourself... More will be revealed...
Hugs, Peace and Love ~ Tahir.
-- Edited by Tahir at 15:58, 2006-09-20
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I'm trying tahir, I emailed today and told her this was it and i'd never turn back on her if she really needed me and lets just leave it at that, though it deeply saddens me i'm honestly getting over it. I made an error contacting her and won't be doing it again.
You know when something is really heavy on your heart and you can't enjoy a thing in life because of that thing? well thats how I have felt for months now but it is passing I am enjoying fishing again and just being with myself and others and doing other things. I was waking up an hour after I got to sleep for awhile there and feeling angry but it's mostly loneliness , this is something I have just admitted to having in the last year or so I NEVER admitted to being lonely in my entire life I saw it as weekness, but i've felt it for a long long time.
I've been moaning and groaning about this for too long now and it is time to let go completely.
I got on my knees last night first time i've done that in a long time and cried to God for help and understanding, it was a good cry LOL I needed to get it out and talk with my HP it was good and I thank God for his pity on this pityful creature that I am but I know I am loved. The other day I even got a surprising email letter from my earth father ( dad) and he told me he was proud of me and everything I am doing we've been talking alot more lately but theres alot of conflict there but I think things are better now between us.
Thanks again tahir I appreciate your openess with me and testimony
You are most welcome, BigV. And thanks for creating an opportunity for me to look into my own problem areas in my relationship with my wife by sharing with me. That was like taking an inventory of my relationship with her, when I could relate with your share, and draw from my own experience certain tools that I have picked up and get back to healthy recovery terms in my relationship... I wouldn't have been able to do this if you hadn't shared your ESH here. My First Sponsor always says that Sponsorship is Win-Win for both sponsor and sponsee, that it works both ways... I believe the same is true when any two addicts share their experience, strength and hope. That is how the therapeutic value prevails. That is how I can keep what I have, by giving it away... When I share my ESH with someone, I am better able to pratice what I give... So grateful that I found you and everyone here... My recovery has never been the same after that... I continue to take by giving it away...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
This time around i'm going to definetly make sure I help others more that was something I knew I must do before I relapsed last time I was way TO MUCH into self and it came back to swat me.
That is a big part of how this works for some of us, since it is a gift and it's intended to be shared by us thru God, since it's a gift of grace the cup should be poored out among the many to drink.
