When we are born we are conscious only of ourselves, we are the universe. We perceive little other than our basic needs, and if these needs are met we are content. As our consciousness expands we become aware of a world outside ourselves. We discover that there are people, places, and things around us, and that they fulfill our needs. At this point we also begin to recognize differences and develop preferences. We learn to want and choose. We are the center of a growing universe and expect to be provided with the things we need and want. Our source of contentment shifts from basic needs miraculously met to the fulfillment of our desires.
Most children, through experiences over a period of time, come to realize that the outside world cannot provide all their wants and needs. They begin to supplement what is given to them with their own efforts. As their dependency on people, places, and things decreases they begin to look to themselves more and more. They become more self-sufficient and learn that happiness and contentment come from within. Most continue to mature; they recognize and accept their strengths, weaknesses, and limitations. At some point, they usually seek the help of a Power greater than themselves to provide the things they cannot provide for themselves. For most people, growing up is a natural process.
As addicts, however, we seem to falter along the way. We never seem to outgrow the selfcenteredness of the child. We never seem to find the self-sufficiency that others do. We continue to depend on the world around us and refuse to accept that we will not be given everything. We become self-obsessed; our wants and needs become demands. We reach a point where contentment and fulfillment are impossible. People, places, and things cannot possibly fill the emptiness inside of us, and we react to them with resentment, anger, and fear.
Resentment, anger, and fear make up the triangle of self-obsession. All of our defects of character are forms of these three reactions. Self-obsession is at the heart of our insanity. Resentment is the way most of us react to our past. It is the reliving of past experiences, again and again in our minds. Anger is the way most of us deal with the present. It is our reaction to and denial of reality. Fear is what we feel when we think about the future. It is our response to the unknown; a fantasy in reverse. All three of these things are expressions of our selfobsession. They are the way that we react when people, places, and things (past, present, and future) do not live up to our demands.
In Narcotics Anonymous we are given a new way of life and a new set of tools. These are the Twelve Steps, and we work them to the best of our ability. If we stay clean, and can learn to practice these principles in all our affairs, a miracle happens. We find freedom—from drugs, from our addiction, and from our self-obsession. Resentment is replaced with acceptance; anger is replaced with love; and fear is replaced with faith.
We have a disease that, in the end, forces us to seek help. We are fortunate that we are given only one choice; one last chance. We must break the triangle of self-obsession; we must grow up, or die.
The way we react to people, places, and things:
Negative Positive
Resentment
PAST Acceptance
Anger
PRESENT Love
Fear
FUTURE Faith
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
i carry alot of resentment i dont know how old some of you are but im 59 pushing 60 next month. any i feel most of my problems stem back to the vietnam war.I never did drugs til i went to vietnam first it was weed then opium and cocaine and the worst thing of all our own goverment was supplying alot of drugs to us so we would stay calm.After the war me a my friend that goes by drittz started doing herion because back then we wernt excepted by the public they called us baby killers and i had never killed a child while fighting over there. Sure there were alot of people who did but not me .Anyway i feel if i never would have got drafted i would have a normal life and be drug free.thru the years ive lost my family and friends other than Rex aka drittz due this addiction! so i resent my life
Dear Striker, I understand you have had a difficult and painful life. I have had many painful and unbearable experiences too, so dark and terrible that I still have nightmares about my past... these experiences had driven me nuts in my past... so much so that I started acting crazily, completely out of control... I was a chronic Bipolar, swinging wildly between weird manic episodes and major melancholic binges that disabled and crippled me...
When I stopped using and started working the program of recovery, I realized why I had those terrible experiences. Why my Higher Power gave me those experiences, that pain, that depression, that hopelessness... Today, I know that my Higher Power has a plan for me, and when I try to carry my Higher Power's will for me today, every step that I take and move ahead towards my destiny, I realize how important those experiences were to me now... and express my gratitude to my Higher Power...
Pain in life can be mandatory, but misery is optional... Just because I hurt doesn't mean I must suffer...
Know that you are precious and unique, merely by being... in your Higher Power's eyes... You too can know what your Higher Power's plan for you is, Just like me, by working this NA program of recovery...
Serenity is not absence of storms, but CALM in the middle of these Storms...
Thank you for sharing with us. We need you.
And yes, I believe that age ain't nothin' but a number... anyway, I'm 33 if that number means anything for anybody here... LOL...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
thank you tahir you are a very nice person and very understanding and thats why im here to help me and try to help you guys we all have problems some big and some small but we all have the sme problem we are addicts that are excepting our addictions and willing to help each other get through what ever comes . i wish all of you the best and hope we all some day can say HEY!!! im Clean and will always be . just being here for two days is already helping me.Yea im getting sick from trying to dry out but this chat room helps take some of the sickness off my mind.im just waiting for monday so i can get to a doctor
Thank you too, for walking this path of recovery with me...
I Can't, But We Can!
Hugs, Prayers and Love ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
It's an amazing piece of writing, Dalin, The Triangle Of Self Obsession, so simple yet powerful and precise... a perfect description of what I realized after my Fourth and Fifth Steps... I always read this IP whenever fear, anger or resentment grips me... Doing so helps me get back to the path of recovery... It works...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
Thanks alot guys and thats why i'm here to, I always get what i'm needing .
Also like to give a special thanks to you guys who have served in the Armed Forces, I know striker you were drafted in a war the went on too long and i'm sorry about that man and for the things that you got into that haunt you to this day.
I spent many years locked up for my deeds,basically did not care about what happened to me, hated myself and everything around me. I saw alot of destruction and even death while in prison even participated in some things that went down, I have tried to put all that behind me the memorys live but I have tried to close that chapter and the behavior that went with it and move on.
Excellent The Triangle Of Self Obsession right on Tahir, thanks again.
Love involves a willingness to suffer and to be inconvenienced.
The act of loving another broadens our understanding of the human condition and often pinches our egos. Indeed, one of the greatest gifts, though not necessarily cherished, which is granted through loving another, is that we gain humility and thus healthier, smaller egos.
How often do we say the words, "I love you," and yet resent being detained by our loved ones? How frequently do we expect to get our own way when resolving a conflict? Is the silent treatment a manipulative ploy we commonly rely on when problem solving with a spouse or lover?
Love wears many faces and it means not always getting our own way, or never doubting the other's sincerity. We aren't guaranteed happiness forever after, even when we know we're loved. But what giving and receiving love does promise us is growth, periods of peacefulness, some poignantly painful times, and many chances to demonstrate that another's well being is a priority, which in turn assures us of our own well being.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT. DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS, WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED & SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"
THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS AND BLESSINGS IN STONE.
I have been reading Paulo Coelho's new book "Flowing Like The River" which is a collection of fables, anecdotes and short spiritual essays... It's a beautiful read... try it out... You won't regret...
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
HAve you read, listened to or heard of a man name Leo Buscalia?
I got intorduced to him when I was in treatemnt one time then he used to also be on PBS sometimes he was a great man of the topic of Love matter of fact his first book "LOVE" is copyrighted by him since no one ever wrote a book with that title.
http://www.buscaglia.com/about.htm
Heres something he said once that goes right along with what is being done in this program.
The study of love brought him to the study of life. "To live in love is to live in life, and to live in life is to live in love." But this should never be done passively. He wrote, "It's not enough to have lived. We should determine to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely." Only you will be able to discover, realize, develop and actualize your uniqueness. And when you do, it's your duty to then "give it away."
Hey BigV, you know what, I read your post on this book "Love" and about Joe Buscaglia this morning, then when I was at a bookstore this evening, I saw the book, an old used one, and immediately the title and the author struck a chord in me... I bought it... I just started reading it... It's awesome... I cannot wait to read it all... and I already tried out one of his suggestions in his book... and I feel so peaceful and light...
He seems to have an experience of our program maybe... the way he has put forward his perspectives on giving it away is so much identical to what our recovery program is all about... Also many other aspects of his ideology seems to have evolved not by thinking and researching, but by feeling and experiencing in his life... Is he a recovering addict too, I wonder...
Amazing how you shared about this guy and his book and I find the book in the dark corner of an used books store on the same day... My Higher Power's cosmic game where the whole universe conspires to give me what I need today never ceases to amaze me... I had to get to know of this book thru you, and had to find this book lying there in a pile of dust at that bookstore... My Higher Power at work... Catch up with you and all at MIP later... Have to continue with my reading...
Thanks BigV.
Hugs ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I too need to read his books I had read one a long time ago but wasn't ready for something like that but I think I may be now.
He was a wonderful person so energetic and witty also very serious and sensitive about what he taught to others. I'm glad you found his book may it help you in your journey.
V- I forgot all about it until you mentioned it, but we watched a video with Leo in our interpersonal relationships class, it was great. I am going to look for his book
V- I forgot all about it until you mentioned it, but we watched a video with Leo in our interpersonal relationships class, it was great. I am going to look for his book
I still haven't gone out and gotten one of his books but I will.
THANKS FOR THIS IM JUST COMING BACK SO I NEEDED TO READ ABOUT RESENTMENTS
It can kill us this resentment stuff, need to find whats at the bottom of it though, where the resentment coming from and thats tough for me to pinpoint exactly what i'm really feeling, hurt, fear,loss, abandonment.......
i am so struggling with resentments especiall y when someone hurts me that i have done everything and anything for unconditionally which im talking about my x fiancee he was so mean for no dam reason he felt like the world owend him and i just happened to be in it so igot his wrath too but then he told me how much he loves me as well.crazy!i had to leave i could take it anymore he said he would change but never did so resentment is a big issue for me today that im always working on...........
I TRY to look at it this way. My higher power forgives me and I should do the same, that seems to lessen the resentment just a tad. Then for a tad more i think that I don't really want any bad to come to those i'm resentful at. Then theres always this and an old sponsor told me this , wish others THE BEST in there lives instead of wishing them dead or harm wish them the best, and guess what funny things happen to those people LOL and it aint always good
hi tahir, ganesan na member from chennai here,how r u and how is bangalore? Take care,just logged into this web site a saw your comment on resentment,sure agree with you. Presently i am working in a diving vessel as doctor on board and cannot make meetings but read jft daily and guess finally after about 21 years in this fellowship i am surrendering on a daily process. Say hai to my bangalore fellowship in cecil george,manjunath,sampangi,ignitius, etc ganesan
i think there is no senior or junior member here,are we clean today,have quality in our program that is essential.If u r clean for a 100 years and you take that first... u r in the history books pal
Greetings Ganesan, nice to meet you here at MIP, thanks for connecting!
I shall surely convey your greetings to Cecil as well as Manjunath (some of us fondly call him Chief)
Yes, it's a great blessing today to find and benefit from NA no matter where one is, through the internet.
Keep coming back Ganesan, we never know what we end up doing for another when we show up for ourselves in NA, like you just did for me through connecting here
Fellowship Hugs to you!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
dear tahir, thanks for the rply, wonder what manju may say if he knows he is called chief.Long time ago he was my councilor in Caim in april 90,those were the tough love days in centres,no step work,things have changed a lot these days much for the better
- Edited by MERCEDES at 20:36, 2006-10-05 
