Okay so I'm living with my mom, my little sister and my step dad again. I've been on my own since I was 17 and living back at home is really difficult. Especially trying to get sober and stay sober.
My little sister (who is 16 and does drugs the way I did when I was her age) comes to me and tells me she has xanax to get her through work. Why she told me that I don't really know. She knows I just got out of rehab. Now I don't want to start taking her inventory but I"m having a really hard time why she would do something like that. Is it because she's an addict too? I am pretty sure the answer to this is yes but I'm having a hard time believing myself because I must be going back to step one and having to realize that I am an addict. Its amazing to me how easy it is to go back to your old way of thinking. that's a scary thought.
I told my mother what she had said to me, because my mother is actually missing a bottle of xanax that is precribed to her by the doctor. Once I told her she went and told my step dad and my step dad said something to my little sister about it. She denied it of course but that kind of comes back on me in a way. I'm trying to grow up and change the person I am so maybe it was the right thing telling my mom.
This growing up stuff is all new to me and pretty difficult to do. I'm changing my way of thinking in all areas of my life. Had this had happened two months ago I probably would have told my little sister to share the xanax with me. LOL. But that's not the case now, now I am telling my mother. It's such an unfamiliar place for me to be in though. I'm having a hard time getting used to my new way of thinking.
I do feel better though now that I wrote this out. I know that helps in recovery to write what's going on in your head out. Thank you for reading.
Michelle, you did the right thing by talking about it with your mom. I also shared with my mom a lot after I was out of the rehab... even sharing with her when I got using thoughts, what was running in my head during those thoughts like how I would procure my money and how I would escape from the house, score, where I will use and hide the stuff etc. When I shared this with my mom or brother when these thoughts occured, I found that the power of those thoughts over me got weakened, and faded away from my mind in after a few moments... Also, like you shared, sharing about it at a meeting or the forum here helps too... As long as we try to manage it all by ourselves by keeping it inside, we give these thoughts to take control of us and eventually lead us to act out on them... the moment we share them out, we are in the solution, trying not to use... and mostly, I have not relapsed whenever I have shared my obsessive thought patterns about using... The instances when I relapsed were those when I did not share...
I understand, living with the family would be a new and uncertain experience to start with in recovery... I did not even know what to talk with my parents and my brothers and sisters in the beginning... I felt weird when I had to dine with them... I felt embarrassed to even wish them in the morning... But believe me, it's natural and temporary... maybe uneasy for a few months... then everything will fall into place... One important thing that helped me in my early recovery and living with my family was that I made it a point that I never got serious about anything that could disturb me... I just let things be... let my family be as they are... and always kept the focus on myself and my recovery... Hope this helps...
Thank you for sharing with us. Glad we have you here.
Hugs, Love, Light ~ Tahir.
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I stayed in close contact with my mom when I first got sober the last time for at least a year LOL daily updates plus she was helping me out fincially some, helped me get a car after I started going to school and got a job .
I think you definetly did the right thing maybe you guys can help your sister before it gets to far out of hand, intervention maybe??????
Glad you made the meeting tonight just hang in there girlfriend you'll be fine if you do.
Thanks Guys! I'm feeling much better after that meeting. I appreciate all of your insight. I have been working really hard on my relationship with my mother. Things are getting better everyday it's just these little bumps in the road that are difficult to get through.
Damnit, And I thought i was the only one that didn't want to have to go back and live with family....
I don't have much to say, but I read this and it seems like when I was still out there getting high I wanted to pull everyone I could in it with me. I took my sister and her friends out with me and got em wine coolers so I had people around while I was getting high at the beach at nags head. I was 24, and they were 16. Pretty sick huh? Won't tell you how long ago that was, then y'all would find out that I remember 8 track tapes and such....
Anyway, focus on you and your sobriety, and as bad as i hate cliches, live and let live. Lil sis will have to learn on her own, just like you did. Save her a seat, we all need help on the inside.
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Faith: the substance of things hoped for, the belief in things unseen
