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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> depressed
Post Info TOPIC: depressed
adriana


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depressed
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Last night's meeting didn't go so well. It wasn't the meeting I'm sure, it was me. I wasn't feeling very open or sociable. I feel like I'm getting depressed. I've been there before, not been able to get out of bed, or go right back to bed after I take my son to school and get up when he gets home only to go back to sleep a few hrs. later. and everything makes me want to cry.This is day 2 with nothing, and al I keep thinking is that if I took something I would feel so much better.I wouldn't feel like I'm too tired to even move. but I guess I feel bad cause I know I have to face all of my problems, like the bills coming due that I can't pay cause I spent my money on drugs...I can't hide from things anymore


well, I'm going to get my son ready for school.


 



-- Edited by adriana at 07:32, 2006-09-14

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Tahir


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adriana wrote:


well, I'm going to get my son ready for school.



That last line, after sharing all that is troubling you, adriana, gives me a lot of strength and hope. Thanks. The dynamic forces within, the Higher Power at work.


Many times in my recovery, I would be physically tired, mentally exhausted, wanting to just hide into my dark hole and wish the world away... yet, somehow, miraculously, I would be staying clean, making a meeting, sharing about it, like you are doing now... some inexplicable energy always at work, within and without me... these are the moments that confirm my Higher Power's presence in my life... carrying me along... It also showed me that there is hope, a small ray of it maybe, nevertheless there is hope and faith in me still, just enough to do one next right thing towards my recovery, inpsite of the insanity, the disabling depression and whatever that life throws at me...


 



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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
adriana


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yes, something gets me up and able to drive my son to school, even when it feels that all the life's been sucked out of me. just feels like there's a battle going on in me, the part that wants to get clean and find a way to be happy on my own, and the part that wants to get high and hide


 



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Tahir


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Very true, battle between our disease of addiction and a Power Greater than our addiction... I guess the side we take in this battle would win...

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
dalin


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hey we have all been where you are.


the early days of recovery only have to happen once.hang around happy folks.get out of you head.write about the problems,but be more willing to look for a solution.


you dont have to do what dalin did his first year.......get high when troubles come.


STAY CLEAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


 pray.your higher power is your hp.none of that sunday scool stuff here.your own understanding of God in na kicks ass(mines name is Leroy,and he has kept me clean a buch of years)


 it can be anything karma,coincidence,just whatever feels right in your own heart.


http://www.nawol.org/2006_ch3%20POWER.htm


so check that out.


be good to you,dont pull inside where the monster lives.stay clean with your hp and us.



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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
BigV


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My mood and strength sways like a windy day.


Somedays I don't know how i'm going to do it but someone once told me( yeah I keep repeating that ) " put your head down and GO", in other words don't look at what your up agaisnt JUST DO IT! and that is what I have to do to get moving and doing things and get the hell out of my head.




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It's all about spirituality...
adriana


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thanks guys! you know, I did pray this morning, asked for help staying clean, and a bit later I decided I am powerless over this, so what the hell...I went to dads to get some pills and when I got there he had 7 left, the old me would have taken 2, but I found myself on the phone instead, talking to one of the people from the meeting, and we talked for about 2 hours, and it hit me that my prayer was answered. I'm back home now, still clean.


we talked about lots of things, I said I did not want to be at that meeting last night, didn't want to talk to anyone or be nice...he said he could tell...there was a lady there who asked for a ride from anyone next Monday, and he said he was thinking that that was my chance to help someone out, and I said I knew he was thinking that, but I didn't want to help anyone out! so I kept my mouth shut and the only person I talked to was the lady who spoke to me during the break 9she's court ordered to be there)-I got that feeling, when she was asking me what drugs I liked, that she was still using, that she could "hook me up", and after the meeting I asked her if she was coming to tonight's and told her I'd pick her up


now how selfish was that?? I don't want to be like this anymore, I've got to get off the fence and decide recovery is what I want! (I got that from my talk today)


ok-that's it for now, hope everyone is doing ok today



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dalin


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be VERY VERY VERY  careful!at 12 years clean i dont go around using addicts for any price

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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
dalin


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hey if you are here meet me in the meeting room

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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
adriana


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My sponsor said to call her before I leave, NOT go in her house and go directly to the meeting. If she has something with her, he said to let them know at the meeting and she could walk home(I would feel really mean to make her walk home, though it's not that far). I could have it wrong, maybe this woman wants to get clean, but I didn't get that feeling. the ways she asked me what I liked and asked if I'd ever tried crack (I haven't), there was too much interest


the alarm just went off, see if I had went back to sleep this morning when I was so depressed and NOT talked on the phone to someone, I'd just be waking up in the same mood (my mood's not GREAT now, but i'm not "dying" for a fix)



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dalin


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come to the meeting room

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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
recoveryrabbit


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hang in there


 


I know its tough and sometimes especially in early recovery I thought I would never dig myself out of the hole I created.  My first sponsor gave me the best slogan that I still love to this day.


DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING


See I can very easily become overwhelmed with life and at that point hiding in bed seems to be the only option but I have found that if I tackle one thing at a time even if its only one thing each day I soon find myself motivated and feeling less stressed.  Try a to do list and post it in your house strike off the things you accomplish to show yourself forward motion.  Just remember any day not using is a successful one no matter what else we accomplish.  Stay safe you matter to me


 



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adriana


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thanks


I think with the help of everyone here and the meetings it'll be ok (well, as you can see my mood is better, naturally this evening)



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dalin


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check bunnys email ok


 



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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
Tahir


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December 28
Depression

"We are no longer fighting fear anger guilt, self-pity, or depression."


Basic Text pg. 26


As addicts, many of us experience depression from time to time. When we feel depressed, we may be tempted to isolate ourselves. However, if we do this, our depression may turn to despair. We can't afford to let depression lead us back to using.


Instead, we try to go about the routine of our lives. We make meeting attendance and contact with our sponsor top priorities. Sharing with others about our feelings may let us know we aren't the only ones who have been depressed in recovery. Working with a newcomer can work wonders for our own state of mind. And, most importantly, prayer and meditation can help us tap the power we need to survive depression.


We practice acceptance and remember that feelings like depression will unquestionably pass in time. Rather than struggle with our feelings, we accept them and ask for the strength to walk through them.


Just for today: I accept that my feelings of depression won't last forever. I will talk openly about my feelings with my sponsor or another person who understands.


pg. 378



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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
recoveryrabbit


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hey recoveryrabbit is bunny


 



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Tahir


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Hiya Bunny, great to have you here with us

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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting." Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
adriana


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ahh, ok-nice to meet you

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