I came home went straight to my room, sat on the edge of my bed, kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra, and I had myself a good cry.
I'm telling you, I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale. I cried until my ears were hot. I cried until my head was hurting so bad that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand, I had myself a really good cry yesturday.
Yesturday, I cried for all the days that I was too busy, or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways, and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected, and disconnected my Self from myself, only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen; for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up; for all the things I had accomplished; only to give them away, to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty, and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when the only thing left for you to do is cry.
Yesturday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies; and little girls get forgotten by their mommies; and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave; and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy, and because I was a little girl, and because I was a mommy who didn't know what to do, and because I wanted my daddy to be there for me so badly until I ached.
Yesturday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go expect deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place, and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late. I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew everything I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesturday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying, I felt my freedom coming,
Because
Yesturday, I cried
with an agenga.
I have cried tears about the wreakage of my past, and there will be more to come. But now I have hope and I have actually cried tears so joy, of happiness shared with friends, friends that I would never of found if it weren't for the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I thank my HP every day for the fellowship and love I have found. Tears are a wonderful thing, they cleanse and restore. Tears can be shared or not. Today I can share the past with my friends and shed those tears, and turn right around and shed tears again of love from new eyes love. Love found and shared in NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS. May GOD bless you all,
With love and respect, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Barbara P
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I cry alot too just and emotional wreck sometimes. When I was a kid I used to be able to make myself cry really easy could'a been an actor, just cut loose tears anytime I wanted
Now I cry for reasons, for hurts and frustrations, loss and fear even loneliness.
I cried a few times over my relapse and it opened up some understanding letting that go.
I cried this morning posting some of those songs.
I felt like crying earlier over the loss of my lover, but i'm done crying over that something we don't need to cry over anymore, we just need to push foreward.
Thanks Babara that touched me, now I feel like a sissy boy LOL
big V, you are so right we do need to push forward! my tears take on a new meaning for me now a days, my tears heal and cleanse me. And now I actually have tears of laughter and joy, Narcotics Anonymous has healed me in ways that I can't even begin to describe, NA has begun to heal me in ways that I never believed could happen. I read yesturday in our basic text that "I would of cut myself short if I would of written down my expectations of happiness in NA" I guess that means that I couldn't of dreamed the happiness I have found in my wildest dreams and that is so true. NA has put me on the path of happiness that i never thought could of happened. I am happier than I could of ever thought , I thnak NA for the HP I have found and I thank my HP for NA! Rock on NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Love Ya All,
