hmmm where to start, where to start. Well here is a little bit about me.
Okay well umm this is my second time around as far as working the program goes. So far I haven't quite made it completely through Step Four. But I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.
I just moved to Texas from California, growing up originally in texas but born in California. I spent most of my time in California (four years or so) using rediculous amounts of drugs. Although my drug of choice was Crystal Meth (I like how I capitalized the first letters as if it deserves it or something*sarcasm). Chances are, if you put anything in front of me, I would use it. I was a habitual meth user for about three years, but a drug user since i was 12, I'm 24 now.
I found the program earlier this year when I went to my first rehab for 30 days. I stayed sober for about 60 days and relapsed about mid February. I found myself fighting my way to the train station to get home in Texas. I remember when I got to the train, after months of living out on the streets getting high, I broke down and started crying. It was a relief cry, rather than a sadness cry. I was tired and spiritually, mentally, and emotionally bankrupt.
When I got to Texas I immediately looked into another 30 day program. It took about 30 days or so after being on the waiting list, to get in, but I got in and just recently finished the program a couple of days ago. Now that I am out, I plan on attending meetings regularly and finding a sponsor and posting on this website.
Just for today I will focus on my recovery. I don't really have any urges today, thank god. But that's thanks to the program, my hp and this message board, for sure! I'm so glad to be sober, never thought those words would be coming out of my mouth, but they are. I already feel at home here.
Congratulations! I'm glad you're here and please be active on this board. It is a great group and there is lots of E,S, & H here. I'm thankful that you found your way back to the rooms and you hang in there. You're a miracle today and I need you in my recovery.
Do you have any plans since you just completed the 30 day program? I know for me, I had to have more than 30 days of structure for me to get anywhere. Otherwise, my history is that I go right back out. I would leave detox and go straight to the dopeman until I found a longterm recovery program. And now, I am moving back into a recovery house tomorrow. It's sort of scary as I have not lived in one in awhile, but due to my living arrangements right now, I have no choice. But it's all good and even with my clean time, I have been afforded the opportunity to reside there. My HP does for me what I cannot do for myself. Maybe I was on the road to a relapse with all that has been going on in my life, but now I can be around other recovering addicts and do what I need to do for me. I wish you the best and stay active on this board. It has definitely helped me stay focused on my recovery on days I could have really acted out. WELCOME and hope you visit frequently.
I was actually looking into a sober living recovery home myself. Right now I am dealing with some other mental issues I need to address before I can even think about going into a sober living home. Luckily for me, I don't even know where the dope man is out here. Moving from California to Texas was a good thing for me.
I know if I really wanted to I could go out and find it, but I'm still so early in my recovery that those thoughts aren't even an option for me. Unless I want to die. And I don't want to die. I know that much.
I know I have to continue to stay focused on a daily basis to make it. So everyday I do at least one thing that's recovery related. It's too easy for me to just get caught up in everyday life and "forget" about my recovery.
I think it's great to do long term recovery programs. I'm sure once you move in you will remember how great it is to be around recovering addicts. Thank you so much for your post! I need you as well in my recovery. <3
I'm so grateful for this message board. My mom actually told me to look online for a message board and I was like "oh yeah!!!" lol. This way I can really stay focused!!
hi Michelle-congrats on the clean time. I am still trying for 2 days (I didn't use at all Monday, but today, or yesterday I guess, I did). Tomorrow night will be my 3rd NA meeting, and I want to make it until then without anything. This place has been a really huge help, just to keep trying.
Hey gals this is the first place I come to in the morning to get my thinking right, then I read the just for today at another spot gets my mind and body ready for the day.
Mornings are hard i'm the type to look at the whole day at once and cringe LOL, I start worrying about things I don't need to worry about. This is the time I get started tuning into my higher Power and his purpose for me which for one things is to stay sober thru the day.
Thanks for sharing Michelle you aint shy thats for sure LOL I live in california and know what you mean about dope availability its all over here but it's there too I was going to move to texas awhile back had a girlfriend there and in the little town she lived in there was dope everywhere so we certainly can't run from it.
Just stay away from people places that are involved with that life, keep close to the new NA people you meet , make lots of friends in the program and stay in contact with them.
All we want here is for others to stay sober too it's why i'm here to watch the program working in others, it's working for me so far, the dope stopped working so we had to try something different and this is a good place to start.
Michelle, welcome once again to MIP, and Congrats on the big 66 miracles. Keep the miracle alive.
The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel... walking the path of recovery with other recovering addicts on a daily basis has been the most effective treatment for my addiction so far. It works! We Are The Proof!
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"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
lol, BigV....no I'm not shy. I'm pretty much to the point. Only because I know that in my recovery if I don't put myself out there and make myself vulnerable chances are I will go out and use again. That's not what I want. So I've learned to just be honest and tell all.
thank you guys again for making me feel so welcome!!
A man told me "what is in the dark and kept there will kill you".
When I did a fourth step about 10 years ago with all my deepest darkest kept secrets my life began to change, my whole life started to open up , it's taking time and errors but there are no secrets in my life today nothing to hide behind anymore, no more excuses.
I'm feeling better in my own skin now, it's still not fitting perfect and i have to keep tailoring my skin so Vini can be comfortable I have to stay open and not close up and curl into the fetal position I am doing that less these days and I think its because I am cleaner inside.
