Greeting all!

I'm new to this board but not NA - my name is Deana K and I've been experiencing miracles since 11/5/2001 (would love to say I've been in recovery the entire time, but I took a break from meetings and anything NA for about 8-9 mos recently; I finally pulled my head outta my behind and I'm back where I belong!).

I'm struggling with something I found out the other day (you know how reliable the NA grapevine is though!) and it's about my sponsor. She has been "hanging out" in bars - not "on a regular basis" but, still and all this is something I feel very strongly about. I'm a big believer in "if you go to the barber shop often enough, eventually you'll wind up with a haircut". I know from things she has said to me in the past that she sees nothing wrong with going to bars. Let me clarify: I too don't see a problem in attending family parties, weddings and work functions where alcohol is served - but, to me, it's a very different situation when you're just going to bars and taverns to hang out.

Part of me thinks this is my HP giving me (how self-centered is that?! ha!) my sign that I prayed for when I asked for more to be revealed in regard to whether or not it was time to change sponsors.

Two things:
1) My sponsor and I have never been close - she's my 2nd sponsor since getting clean in Nov. 2001. My first sponsor and I were very close, but, she relapsed when I had about 9 mos. clean. Because I have issues with trust (especially when it comes to other women), I've never really allowed us to develop a close relationship. She never expected me to call on a regular basis and I never have. Just sporadically and only to talk about my step work. We've met up at meetings every now and then, and a few times to go over my step work, but, that's it. Almost every single time I've tried calling her, she's either not home, too busy to talk or her daughter requires her undivided attention (her daughter is a very spoiled 8 year old). Part of me thinks that since I'm her only sponsee, maybe she could make it a point to call me back at a less busy time, but, she never does; sometimes from her car on her cell, but even then she usually only has a "few minutes". (Ya think I have issues?)

2) For about the past year, I've been thinking of changing sponsors (yes, even when I wasn't attending meetings or working on my step I still kept in touch with people in NA and tried to practice SP in my life - ok, it wasn't very successful for long and I wound up miserable, but at least I woke up before I relapsed); since I'm about 3/4 of the way done with my 4th step (which I already know I won't be sharing with her) I'm hesitant because I REALLY don't want to start over !!! It's taken me over a year to get this far with it.

2) With my new-found eagerness to regularly attend meetings (1-2 week, sometimes more) and make some real progress in my step work and in my recovery life, I feel like I now need a sponsor who feels the same: someone who puts time and effort into a sponsor/sponsee relationship. I feel like I'm ready to give forth that effort and that I deserve that much (finally!).

Thoughts on this would be most appreciated.

Namaste

Deana K