New to Board

BillyK · Member

New to Board

dalin · Senior Member

glad you are here.have you made any na meetings?we can help,but you have to meet us halfway.

glad you are here

BillyK · Member

yes i have been going to them on and off for a few years now, but i never really dove into it all the way. I go to both AA and NA meetings, but i usually just sit and listen - I dont have a sponsor. Problem is, I spend so much money on this crap that I can't even afford myself a cell phone. But that's going to change. I really want to get better now. I am happy to be here. I just got off it. I want to stop now - for good. I am not even clean 3 hours yet. :(

Billy

dalin · Senior Member

well i am happy you are here.we can help if you are willing to hang in there.i only do na now.it helps me keep it real simple for this addict.

dalin · Senior Member

where do you live?im in canada.it is 218 here

BigV · Senior Member

Welcome to the board Billy my drug of choice is also cocaine, freebase, crack whatever I started using back in 1980 and used it for 20 years.

It will suck every dime you have and more I did alot for that drug, stole from my family, committed crimes, lied, cheated I did it all even hurt people.

If your ready then your ready to do what it takes, start with the first step and work on that.

-- Edited by BigV at 02:27, 2006-08-19

BillyK · Member

Thank you - i just spent the last hour or so crying my eyes out. I really want to kick it this time. That first blast is always so good, but it is not worth it anymore. I am destroying myself and my parents are not happy.That stuff is the devil, i swear it.

Billy

BillyK · Member

I live on Long Island, NY... same time here... Eastern time zone.

dalin · Senior Member

hey v...

last night my girlfreinds sponsor sleped on our coutch.she has 25 years clean in na.she is now using our websheets to work the steps with her sponsees rather than the step guide.

dalin · Senior Member

hey do you have a basic text/

dalin · Senior Member

you will need one.i can post one if you need.

BillyK · Member

I have the AA book if that's what you mean. I don't have the NA textbook yet, but I will get it. I actually did have it 4 or 5 years ago, but I don't know what happened to it. I have been down this road so many times. I pray that this time it works for me.

dalin · Senior Member

give me a minute and i will post a loaner untill you get one billy

dalin · Senior Member

ok...read recovery and relapse

chapter 7

http://www.earthgroupna.org/literature/basictext/

-- Edited by dalin at 02:48, 2006-08-19

BigV · Senior Member

dalin wrote:

hey v...

last night my girlfreinds sponsor sleped on our coutch.she has 25 years clean in na.she is now using our websheets to work the steps with her sponsees rather than the step guide.

That is GREAT Dalin those worksheets are very good you guys have done wonderful work on those and describe things perfectly.

BigV · Senior Member

BillyK wrote:

Thank you - i just spent the last hour or so crying my eyes out. I really want to kick it this time. That first blast is always so good, but it is not worth it anymore. I am destroying myself and my parents are not happy.That stuff is the devil, i swear it.

Billy

I know all about it brother.

I just relapsed after having almost 6 years sober off the stuff just getting my butt back I only stayed out one night but i'll tell you I wished I had worked this program more thouroughly before . Now after relapse coming back its made me more willing and hungry to work things out and its working already just hanging around here gives me strength.

You can do it just take it one day one moment at a time you can get thru it you know what you need to do your in the right place.

BigV · Senior Member

Stay away from thinking about THAT FIRST BLAST and if you do remember what you do after that your cahsing that blast all day and night long till it takes everything you have . Remember what harm is does it much outways the good feeling it gives all it does is TAKE TAKE TAKE........and rebuke satin he's using the drug to kill you.

dalin · Senior Member

maureen got her 2 years last night,her sponsor drove in from 4 hours to give her the medallion.

greg p did those worksheets in 1983

wonder how billy is?

getting late,gotta crash soon

BigV · Senior Member

Yeah I need to hit it soon did you get my email back to you dalin?

Congrats to Maureen and she's got a good sponsor for her to do that I never got a single medalin the last ime I was sober those years LOL but then I did'nt have a sponsor to give me one .........go figure.

Well its a tough drug to kick it has an aspect to it that is enchanting and its a sexual aspect which is an addiction of itself but I have had wonderful sex without the stuff LOL matter of fact MUCH BETTER sex.:)

Keep comijhg back Billy like to see you here each day if you can.

Night all

dalin · Senior Member

yup,got the email.

i am going to crash billy.read chapter 7 off that basic text i posted.

hopefully i will see you in the morning.hang in there man.we love ya and know you want to stay clean.

gnite all

BillyK · Member

BigV, you are so right... the bad outweighs the good 1,000 times over. My problem is like i said - after a few days clean, I feel better... I feel good and I think "oh, a 40 dollar piece won't hurt me" - but it ends up being a lot more than that. I am going to work it this time. I am so fed up. I am tired of being this loser - this slob - this druggie that I have become. I need to never forget this night - this very night right now - where I feel almost like i want to die. I am so sick of this.

dalin, ty for the online NA book.

Billy

dalin · Senior Member

i will be on in the moarning by 11...just read the basic.we will talk more in the morn.my email adress is at my name if you need it.

take care ok

Tahir · Member

Welcome Billy. Glad you found us. Thought this small reading would help you understand the seriousness of the problem we all have ~ the disease of addiction. It's an extract from the Information Pamphlet "Who, What, How and Why?"

Keep coming back, and better yet, stay with us. What I cannot do alone, WE can do together.

Before coming to the Fellowship of NA, we could not manage our own lives. We could not live and enjoy life as other people do. We had to have something different and we thought we had found it in drugs. We placed their use ahead of the welfare of our families, our wives, husbands, and our children. We had to have drugs at all costs. We did many people great harm, but most of all we harmed ourselves. Through our inability to accept personal responsibilities we were actually creating our own problems. We seemed to be incapable of facing life on its own terms.

Most of us realized that in our addiction we were slowly committing suicide, but addiction is such a cunning enemy of life that we had lost the power to do anything about it. Many of us ended up in jail, or sought help through medicine, religion, and psychiatry. None of these methods was sufficient for us. Our disease always resurfaced or continued to progress until, in desperation, we sought help from each other in Narcotics Anonymous.

After coming to NA we realized we were sick people. We suffered from a disease from which there is no known cure. It can, however, be arrested at some point, and recovery is then possible.

Prayers and Hugs ~ Tahir.

BillyK · Member

I am still here... thanks, tahir and dalin and BigV...

I would have been on in the morning, but i slept all day (and most of the night) - just getting up here and there to go to the bathroom or smoke a cigarette. I have work in the early morning, but I will be on until then roaming about the internet... now I am about 20 or 21 hours clean. Not long, but it's a start. The hard part will be when I am out with cash in pocket.

I will keep in touch. I am glad to be here.

Billy

BillyK · Member

Well, I am waiting for a cab to come pick me up now - (I drive a cab here on Long Island) - I sometimes dispatch, too, so I am a company guy. I make good money, but it's long hours.

I'll be working from 3am until about 5pm this evening. I'll make good money, though - this is the hard part. Going home with 150-200 bucks in my pocket. I will report here when I get home - and I will be going to a meeting this evening at 8pm...

BigV · Senior Member

Billy lemme put it this way " Time to buck it up and be a man" put this thing under arrest before it puts you under arrest and in sing sing.

Don't let this thing control you I understand the money thing is a temptation stick the freaken money in your pocket and act like it's not there get home and put the money away and forget about it your being led around like a puppy dog bruther.

Your 35 years old and it's time to stop all of this , I did it when I was 38 and stayed clean until this year (44) went out one night yeah smoked crack and drank and realized once again that it does not work and i'm in the grip of a disease, DIS-EASE and thats I felt when I relapsed and what your feeling we need to find a way to be AT-EASE with ourselves and this program of 12 steps and spirituality can give that to us.

Tahir · Member

All remarkable recoveries began with one clean hour... So great that you have put together so many of them already, my friend.

One of my online NA friends on another forum put it beautifully when she says "Put one foot in front of the other... live minute by minute if that's what it takes and remember... we are clean before we take the next drug... so we choose NOT to take that next drug."

Raman · Guru

Hi Billy ,,,,,

hugs from an addict in NA thousands of miles away,, from the other side of the World !!!

When i began my recovery,,, there was no NA,,,, i was in a treatment centre !!!

There the counsellor had me agree not to go back to play8ing my saxophone at bars,hotels,parties etc,,, till i had some basics in my recovery !!!!

You know in NA theres a slogan,,,

CHANGE YOUR PLAYGROUND,PLAYMATES AND PLAYTHINGS !!!!

Doing that was hard but i got used to it !!!!

Then I was sent for AA meetings and life went clean and serene for a few years and i did my bit of service in AA to give back !!

I was also lucky to be a part of Loner Group NAs Meeting by mail where isolated addicts like me sgared and cared the NA way via old fashioned mail and letters !!!

I still remember the joy I felt to get a letter from another recovering addict !!!

But i could not share many things i wanted to in AA,,,but because id also drank a lot i stuck at that and did not share the pains and pleasures of drung addiction to smack,grass,lsd etc !!!

But i held onto clean time and worked the Steps too with an addict who was from another place,,,i identified at the level of feelings rather than symptoms !!!

Howeveri in AA i met a few addicts who were clean and believed as i did ,,that many drug addicts will die without having had a chance to recover because he or she could not identify with the alcoholic in AA !!!

Moreover about 20 years ago,, it was a really bad thing to be a drug addict !!!

So NAmeetings started and now many years later we have many meetings here !!!

we haev many groups,, we have an ASC,, weve held Na conferences and local conventions and in fact also held an Indian Regional Convention year before last !!

I can go and sit in a meeting and hear this more important line=

my name is -------- i am an addict

And I can say that too without fear, without shame, without rage !!!!

The bright part for me is the message that I an addict can recover, no matter what just for today !!

Im back to my sax playing and music,,,,been a good six odd years that ive gone back to doing someting that I love intensely,,, saxing !!!

And Hp works well in my life,,, imagine my JOY and Happiness when I could play at the wedding reception of a Fellow NAs sister,,, and be told be the many that id done a good job !!

Most importantly i met many of our members there and each and everyone of em too the time to coem and hug me and say

'"WOW RAMAN,, YOURE SOUNDING GREAT,,, "

Im gald I can be a useful and productive member of society !!

I really live to love and ove to live the NA WAY !!!!!

warm cyber hugs to you !!!

Raman an addict !!!!

BigV · Senior Member

Praying that Billy will be back .

Tahir · Member

Oh Raman, my friend, I think I missed out on a wonderful musical occasion with you. Sounds like you and the other guys had great fun at the wedding. Anyway, I'm sure I'll get to enjoy your music at our convention in a couple of more weeks. Look forward to it. You rock! Peace and Hugs.

BigV · Senior Member

Step One

We admitted we we powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable

It doesn't matter what or how much we used. In Narcotics Anonymous staying clean has to come first. We realize that we cannot use drugs and live. When we admit our powerlessness and the inability to manage our own lives, we open the door to recovery. No one could convince us that we were addicts. It is an admission that we had to make for ourselves. When some of us have doubts, we ask ourselves this question: "Can I control my use of any form of mind or mood-altering chemicals?"

Billy the rest is right here

Step One

BigV · Senior Member

Hope Billy makes it back........

BillyK · Member

BigV wrote:

Hope Billy makes it back........

Yes.... a year later, I am back... I stayed 'out there'... I am pathetic. :(

NA_ROCKS · Senior Member

Welcome Home ((((Billy)))) Keep Coming Back.....and STAY this time :) We're here for you my friend....Love and Hugs to ya brother....

Tahir · Member

(((((NA Hugs to Billy K)))))

So glad to hear from you again Billy K.

So glad you're back with us

Stay with us.

Love you and need you,

Tahir.

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