My name is Raymond and I am a drug addict and alcoholic.

I am 22 years old and live in Providence Rhode Island. When I first came to this message board I had 23 days clean and sober. I now have 50 days! I have been going to meetings regularly and feel better each day. I am shocked at how the cravings to drink and drug have not been affecting me ( that much anyway ). I still get glimpses of it, but for the most part I am managing quite well. Using doesn't seem to be an option for me. I pray that that is how it will remain. JUST FOR TODAY!!!

The NA and AA fellowships have blown me away in my newfound sobriety. I cannot get over all of the different people from different walks of life- some have 10 days and others have 10 years. Listening to people speak about their problems, their secrets, their bad habbits and their thoughts has really helped me stay clean and sober. For a long time I thought that I was the only person on this planet who felt empty, useless and controlled by drinking and drugs. It is so refreshing to hear people share their experience, strength and hope at meetings. There is so much love in the halls of this fellowship, I can't even begin to tell you what is doing for me.

I am on step 1. This is the step that got me to kick drugs in the first place. Admitting that my life was a wreck and that I was powerless over drugs made me come to a stark realization that has spared me years of pain and saved my life. Being new to the program and new to living life on life's terms, I think that I will be on step 1 for a while. This doesn't bother me. My drug use and the metality that came along with it was so consuming and thunderous that I feel that I need to be in the frame of mind that step 1 provides, so that I can TRULY wrap my head around how powerless I really am. That is ok with me.

Through admitting that I am powerless, I have actually gained a sense of freedom that is evident more and more as each day passes.

I am still battling my skeletons. Old ways of thinking, festering in negativity, anger, resentment and old patterns of behavior and thought have not left me. I know that I am new and that I will not tackle these things all at once. They take time, but I feel good about the fact that I can recognize them now in a sober state of mind, rather than running WITH them in a drug induced haze. Now that I can see myself CLEARLY, I can begin to possess the tools needed to better myself as a human being and as a servant of God.
I certainly do not have all of the answers, and I don't want them. I am striving for progress not perfection- one day at a time.

I am so greatful for this program and the people in it, that I could scream with Joy at this very moment. Please keep me in your prayers and send any guidance that you may have my way.

I love you all and please continue to do God's work, one day at a time.

God Bless

-- Edited by A New Path at 01:45, 2006-07-25