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NA Message Board -> Narcotics Anonymous Message Board -> COMPULSION
Post Info TOPIC: COMPULSION
starlightwoman1


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COMPULSION
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i remember when i DID'NT  have any vicodin,that i would grab this economy size tylenol bottle in the cupboard,and whether i had pain or not (usually not) i would take three or four tylenol out of compulsive mental need,because that was as close as possibe to getting pills in my mouth.i cannot believe how odd that behavior is and how quickly i became sicker mentally with strange behaviors.i remember actually being attentive and distracted if i would hear a pill bottle rattle,or if i had to go to the pharmacy to pick up ordinary non narcotic prescriptions,i would check out the view of the shelves and shelves of bottles,in the back of the clerk waiting on me,and i would just stare and try to identify the vicodin bottles,and think wow if i could grab those.the mental obssession,when identified,(AFTER,I went to rehab) gave me compassion for understanding the progressive road addiction brings,and how  far into a downward spiral it will take people,including the end of the  road,which is disease,mental sickness,prison,or death.im lucky my liver function ended up being normal by the time i went into rehab.im lucky for alot of things.i still have cravings and when there is a commercial showing tablets on T.V.,it still triggers feelings,but i know this will probably live in my head,forever.writing about it helps me to remember the aftermath of the pain addiction brought in my life.it also brought me the desperate behaviors of stealing and lying,and the shame and worthlessness that entails.not just shame for me,but shame my kids felt for me,and distrust my kids and others had for me.thank goodness for this website.im very islolated and i am pretty embedded in staying in the house and not making contact with other people.the meetings have been the closest i have to going out and being somewhat comfortable around other people.little by little,i know there is hope and i know i can heal through those twelve step meetings.



-- Edited by starlightwoman1 at 17:28, 2006-07-19

-- Edited by starlightwoman1 at 17:29, 2006-07-19

-- Edited by starlightwoman1 at 17:31, 2006-07-19

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the tongue is the pen of the heart
dalin


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yup,this lovely disease we have uses whatever it can to make us feel bad.i learned for myself that when i mentally shift my language away from even mentaly romanticizing the dope,even by giving it the power of saying its name,which took practice,my attitude gradually changed.i know longer fed the compulsion.helped me.

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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
starlightwoman1


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so,do you recommend not saying the name of the drug,such as vicodin?ive heard that before,maybe i shouldnt do that then.i need more time and more meetings,this is new.

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the tongue is the pen of the heart
cooncatbob


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In Narcotics Anonymous we shift our focus off of specific drugs and onto the disease of addiction. Your new and it's okay to talk about what you used if it helps you stay clean.
In AA there's alcohol, only 3 basic types, beer, wine and hard distilled spirits.
With drugs there's uppers, downers, opiates, pycodelics. You can drink ir, snort it, smoke it, shoot it.
The junky, tweeker, pillpopper and the dopesmoking alky are all the same in NA, we all suffer from the disease of addiction. It's not about what you used but how you feel deep inside. When another addict share that when he was at bottom he felt like he was in the botton of a deep hole and couldn't even remember what the light was like. I know exactly what he means and how he feel cause I felt the same dispair myself. Like the Rock says "It dosn't matter what you used" We're all the same in Narcotics Anonymous.
I'd like to welcome all of you new people to this forum. Sometimes it get a little quite here and it's great to see more people here posting. I wish all of you success with your recovery and hope you stick around not only hebut in the fellowship of NA.
Bob.

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Sometime one must surrender in order to win
BigV


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Compulsion its what I had to pray hardest on and ask to be removed. It's never really came back in full power the way it used to after I was delivered from it's power but often it is subtle, This last relapes it found another way to get to me so theres different types I see now.


For me I have a need to feel full, whether its food, drugs booze women work I need to feel full otherwise i'm empty inside, i'm working on that and everything becomes an obsession and some things become compulsions and drugs had that grip on me. Right now its an ex girlfriend LOL but i'm workin on that too.


What i do is replace the thought with another thought or prayer prayer works best for me, we have to reteach our brains to think differently I believe.


thanks Cooncatbob for the welcome I enjoy coming here a few times a day, I don't make meetings everyday and i'm isolating at the moment too and I recognize that like starlight mentioned but I did go and do my 4th step last night with my sponsor and got somethings out of the way, empty out the trash and maybe make room for other good things Starlightwomen.

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starlightwoman1


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you know,i had thought about describing the identity of my drug of choice,and i had to remember back in rehab in may,that describing what you got high on was discouraged,because it DOES romantisize the thoughts of the drug and use,and i completely forgot about that.that happened many times in rehab with alot of people.I forgot how easy that is to do.It is a way of vicariously reminiscing about the use sometimes.It does only matter that its all addiction.like the previous person that posted,i have felt a need to be full,even as early as 19.food was a first choice for a long,long time,it still is,but i look back and i wonder if i hadnt overate all the time,what i would have subsituted.i ve dealt with an obesity problem since about age 26 until now.this is a great place to learn,because it feels as close as i can get to actually going to a meeting.there is alot of trash to take out for me.im stinging from a loss of a job,related to my addiction,and i feel alot of sadness right now.im learning to regularly pray each night.i go on eprayer.com to at least consciously say something in the way of prayer,out loud.nice sharing with all of you,thanks.

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the tongue is the pen of the heart
dalin


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http://www.nawol.org/


that sight is truly awesome,mayby it can help you out.



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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
dalin


Senior Member

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http://www.limelightseo.com/step_guide/step_guide.htm


those are the old step guides.simle and easy to understand



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dalin a unity means oneity...one god, one fellowship,one sponsor,one program...many gifts
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