I almost had 120 days but I relapsed. I feel like shit. I don't know were to go now. I worked so hard and now I let so many people down.Myself included. Mostly me! I know I have to go to a meeting tonight and get a white key tag. It is going to suck!!!!! It already does. How do you get back on track. Will every one hate me? I'm so confused, mad, angery and upset!
We're always hardest on ourselves. There's a really nice guy at my Friday night meeting who went out after over 3 years clean, the next 2 years he couldn't string 30 days together, he show up all tore up and raise his hand. Well he never gave up and he just got his 3 year chip again and he;s the tresurer for the group. You might want to get more involved, get a service position (coffee person) show up early stay late go out to eat with fellow addicts. Just don't ever give up, surrender yes. Take care. Bob.
Unfortunately relapse can be a part of recovery. My suggestion to you is to get back to the fellowship as quickly as possible. We can't save our ass and face at the same time. Read the chapter Relapse and Recovery in our Basic Text. It states..."Our resistance to change seems built in, and only a nuclear blast of some kind will bring about any alteration or initiate another course of action. A relapse, if we sruvive it, may provide the charge for the demolition process." pg. 75 Basic Text. I agree, get more involved, become a part of. Reach out to others in the program and share what's going on with you. It may save your life and you are a life worth saving. I will keep you in my prayers.
I'm new too. I had somewhere around 18 months then had a small setback that lasted about a week. Took a look at what was happening when I decided to just get high a 'little bit', lol (right!) But got back on track, by considering what I was moving towards in life, rather than what I was leaving behind or 'losing.' That helps me a lot.
Also, before beating youself up too bad, can you take stock of what you've learned during your clean time? Reflect on the happiness that was found, the improved health and relationships, etc. Kind of like a batting average, you were clean 92% and messed up 8% over the last x number of days or months.. which is a hell of a lot better than using everyday, right!?
Nice to meet everyone, I haven't introduced myself, just replying here and there. This looks like a nice forum, I'm glad to have found it! GD
hi may name is paul and im a grateful recovering drug addict,
I have 11 days today.
I myself have relapsed at 27 days 3 months in a row. I feel your pain. I just keep coming back. I have done so much coke i should be dead but god obvisoully has a pupose for me hear, cause nothing happens in his world by micstake.
The pain i feel after a relapse is UNBELIEVABLE.
I have a new sponsor that actually answers his phone and meets with me now and I am determined one day at a time to beet this.
Thank you for that post because it has helped me. Ill just keep coming back and pray a lot.
