Hi, I'm new and have been thinking about attending NA but think this is better for me as I can remain anonymous. I've been using coke for almost a year everyday, all day. I do it at work, in the car, while I'm at the store, etc.......I won't leave the house without enough to last me for the day.
I'm hoping somebody with the same dependency can share their experiences with me. I don't even know why I do it anymore but I can't seem to stop. I'm always craving it, always thinking about it and I've lost motivation for everything else in my life. I feel unhealthy and I'm in debt but if I had only enough money to buy food or coke, I'd buy coke. I don't even know why it doesn't even do that much for me anymore but I'm always thinking about it and wanting it.
I want to stop I'm ashamed of my behavior a lot. I guess I'm worried that I'll be this way for the rest of my life. I hope not.
Girl, it's called Narcotics "Anonymous" My suggestion for you is to get to a meeting so you can share your problem. Being caught up in the grips of addiction is no joke and sooner or later you are going to face some consequences. Get help now. You will be surprised when you start meeting members who have gone thru the same thing you are and learned how to live a different way of life. A much more enjoyable life. My experience was when I accepted that I was going to be a junkie, I ended up in prison doing 2 years. There is help available. Find an NA meeting in your area, it may seem scary at first but once you see you are not alone and help is available you will begin to live life again. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you for your responses. I guess I was just looking for answers outside of NA. I feel like showing myself and attending meetings would be like publicly admitting I'm a big fat crackhead.
Cathy, I wish you the best of luck with your struggle.
I agree with Cindy; The heart of the NA program is one Addict helping another Face to face. Find some meeting and hook up with the Women there. Good luck and welcome to NA. Go to "na.org" follow the links to the meetings in your Area.
Thanks for your response, Bob! Can I just walk into the meetings? Are they open to the public? It seems so drastic. It seems like everybody has such great experiences there that I'd like to go, maybe just sit in at first. I don't even know how I got to this point. A couple of my friends told me to go to NA and I was offended. I don't know what I'm doing here.
Jenna wrote: Thank you for your responses. I guess I was just looking for answers outside of NA. I feel like showing myself and attending meetings would be like publicly admitting I'm a big fat crackhead. Cathy, I wish you the best of luck with your struggle.
Admitting that we have a problem is "Step One" That usually the best place to start. Bob.
There aren't many if any answers outside of Na or Ca, If your anything like me it will just keep getting worse! I started smoking coke in the mid 80's n continued on a self destructive path from there. I tried everything else religion, geographical changes,etc. In the end I was finnally willing to give this program a chance n I just celebrated 4yrs! Give this Na thing a chance what have you got to lose? Coke addiction is fucking miserable! We will sadly refund your misery if it doesn't work for you! Tune in to a higher Power, Go to a mtg n KEEP COMING BACK!
I will try to go to a meeting in my area tonight. I feel like it's such a big step for me like if I go I'll officially be labeled an addict. My family is very conservative and if they ever found out I would die.
Thank you for all your responses and sharing your experiences with me.
Hi Jenna. I'm just starting to take a step forward too. I also feel uneasy about it. However, I have been to an na meeting before..2 atleast. I stopped going...and ended up worse. You can go and not talk..just listen. There isn't a building just for na..they're usually at various places throughout your town when people aren't using them. The one I used to go to was in an old mall that just had a few stores and a dollar theater left in it. The people are usually friendly and don't push you to talk at all. Every meeting is run a bit differently too...so if you don't like one just go to another.
I was worried I'd be looked at as an addict or not enough of an addict the first time I went. Looking back, I would have rathered I had stayed instead of getting in trouble with the law first. I never thought I'd get in trouble..I'm a sweet girl who has never had a run in with the law.
I hope you go tonight. I'm planning on going to my first meeting again tonight too. Good luck!
new person here i've been doing coke regulary now for about 19 months every day every night ex cept for when my body would shut down on it's own.about 15 hours a month.started dealing to rival my girlfriend thinking i cold use and work!i managed to for about 6 months.well i started using everyday hell i had it allthe time 24/7 was my "work " schedule .any way lost every thing .me and her tried to recover in the last 6 moths of and on.mostly of.oh by the way were not together any more.it all is a very long story.if you know anything about beatifull woman and dealing you know how much oh shit i'm rambling now i just logged on cause i need to talk to someone i died last night i mean really iseen light was hyper ventalating on my back for 2 hours had to put ice on my heart and brain,usually when i get a good hit i just poor water over my head.anyway i really need to talk to someone.now i used today but i have'nt hit yet!oh i forgot to tell you how i do it.i shoot it. only shoot it.last night could never happen again that was the hit all drug users are looking for.maybe that's why i have'nt done it today.i will never exp anyway i might go away!just leave see if i float or can swim family for me is too supporting they are enablers damn it there i go again talking.i just wanted to talk about last night!it was the best!dying does not hurt!so i think i might have changed!i don't know how exactly but i'm not afraid of anything now losing job which probably did again.anyway
No one will judge you in NA. They will UNDERSTAND YOU. You will be among people who have been in your shoes and who want nothing more than to offer you the happiness and FREEDOM that they have in their own lives.
Go to a meeting with an open mind, heart and listen to others. Ask for help.
God Bless you.
( Do not be ashamed of your disease. Shame is something that addiction thrives on. Shame hurts your self image, which makes you feel useless, which makes you turn to drugs without even realizing it. Shame is one of the driving factors that will keep your addiction alive and will eventually take your life or send you jail. Go to a meeting and feel the grace, forgiveness and UNDERSTANDING of God through fellow addicts who have lived what you are living now! )
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"These precious things...let them break their hold on me."
Everybody is so nice and supportive here, it's really great, thank you.
I went to an NA meeting a couple weeks ago and i was the only girl among 20 guys so I bailed. I tried to go to another one later that night but there was a cop sitting out in front of the building, just sitting there parked under a tree. I had coke on me so I chickened out and I bailed......again. I felt like he was just sitting there waiting to bust recovering addicts trying to smuggle in drugs.
This new batch of coke I've been getting makes me break out in hives. Sometimes I get an allerlgic reaction to the cutting agents or maybe it's the coke itself, I dont know. I just take some Benadryl and I keep doing it.
This is a nice forum to vent.
I found a cocaine anonymous meeting held in my area, I'm thinking of going to that one. I may be more comfortable there....
Sometimes I'm so happy, my coke habit doesn't bother me and I feel like everything's great and wonderful in my life. But sometimes I get really down about it. Like, I'm really sad over my drug use and I feel like I want to help myself so badly and make myself better. I read other people's stories on here and my situation isn't quite that bad, I use to be pretty bad but I've gotten a lot better & I feel dumb for complaining. Good luck to you all, may you have more strength in your struggle then I have had in mine.
I have noticed several things about the way that you speak on this message board. ( THIS IS NOT AN ATTACK OR A JUDGEMENT AT ALL, RATHER A CONTRUCTIVE PIECE OF ADVICE ).
I have noticed, Jenna, that you put yourself down a lot and that you always sell youself short in one way or another. in your last reply you wished everyone else well and even said wished them strength that you felt was void in YOUR life. Jenna, you seem like a very intellegent woman, there is no reason why YOU TOO cannot have the strength in which you have chosen to wish upon us. It's time to start wishing yourself well. It is time to start loving yourself and not letting your fears control you. YOU CAN DO IT! God believes in you, and so do we!
I will tell you something. Coke was my drug of choice...it held me in it's grip for years. It murdered my potential, robbed me of my experiences and alienated everyone I knew. The more I used Coke the more isolated I became, and the more isolated I became, the more serious my addiction was. I know what Coke addiction can do to you. Just because you have one happy day here and there with coke use, doesn't mean that you can manage your life with it. Try living a day without it...then try to explain where your happiness lies. Odds are that Coke has taken over your life. I have been there, Jenna, and there is nowhere to go but down...the people get scarier, the bedrooms get darker and the personal contacts become less and less meaningful. Do not try to justify your using by saying that you have a few moments of happiness. Who are you really trying to convince?
As you can probably tell, I do not like to mince words or beat around the Bush. Coming to terms with the truth ( as harsh or stark as it was ) is what got me to kick Cocaine. I know that you can do it too. By coming to this message board and sharing your experience, you have already begun to realize the insanity of your addiction. Lord knows I am no angel, but I also know first hand what Addiction can lead you too.
The word "Addiction" actually is derived from the latin word "Adictus", which means 'to be enslaved or owned'. Give yourself a break and think about what powerlessness really is. It is only when we addicts give up control and admit powerlessness that we discover REAL freedom.
God Bless you, Jenna. Go to a meeting, share with us more, and please give yourself a break. Here is my e-mail address if you ever need to talk.
Sagitarius121083@yahoo.com
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"These precious things...let them break their hold on me."
Give this Na thing a chance what have you got to lose? Coke addiction is fucking miserable! We will sadly refund your misery if it doesn't work for you! Tune in to a higher Power, Go to a mtg n KEEP COMING BACK!
