Finding recovery was great. There was a way out! A chance at something that might actually work. A simple recipe, and I didn't have to do it alone.

Thing weren't all well, and there was clear path, that'd let me get my life in order.

Or so I thought. The disease, however, had other plans.

Within the first year, I was lured into trying a class of drugs I'd not really tried before. It was the rooms per se, but .. lets just say it wasn't entirely disconnected to that I was new, vulnerable and fresh in recovery. Fresh meat.

The drugs, excused and explained using some justification, a kind of elevated ethos, however weren't the worst. The labels, the blinding, being denied the process of recovery, as it .. loses quality when in some contexts. Changes get complicated, and as it turned out, I was being attempted lured into being an object for promoting a certain agenda, culture and passively being part of pushing drugs under the name of medicine.

Somehow, I avoided ending up becoming a conduit of that craving, and didn't develop complicity. Meanwhile, a variety of factors around me were lured into the malice; relations broken, oft irrepairable except at distance. Even those closest to me were tricked into cannibalizing on my life, sold these convenient explanations. They got hooked into spreading rumors and lies about me. Many a member got weakened by the disease, and gossip isn't entirely uncommon, getting them emotionally invested in 'the narrative' as well.

The latter built on some incidences, in which I was hurt by a system that claims medical nature. It got worse as they tried to hide their misdeeds, demanding I would play along with the narrative. As I had to find out the hard way, it was nothing but oppression and enabling. There were plenty of solutions to heal out there, some inconvenient, some requiring life-changes, and none would work if feeding that culture and giving it power.

Mind you, this post is not about me. While I was blocked in developing independence of vital kinds for my recovery, blocked in my autonomy, the lure to externalize the costs unto everything else is incessant. Returning the harm would be met with violations, abuse and accusations, taking the damage wasn't viable tho that's largely what happened. No, the intention was that it would consume into the space for the newcomer. It seems pretty common. It's not like I'm the only that got lured into that drug-abuse culture, as I stepped across the doorway to get a seat and listen to a member share.

Fellowship

As it turns out, there's an incredibly number of children, that grow up with drugged parents. Many get weaponized against their parents; as they're violated by the occurrence of oppression, they get drawn into explaining their parents in a certain way. Moreover, they get denied the natural awareness of how to be healthy. There's more than a few parents in the rooms, and children who themselves were drugged.

In a sense, I guess this post is karma. I end up acting a pathway, for the suppressed anger, negative feelings and latent energy that rests beneath the denied awareness. As my autonomy was obstructed, and I repetitively get driven to break, I do - its just not in the way some might crave.

Think of this like fire fought with fire, because they don't stop. Those that indulge in the oppression, having amassed wealth, status, money, career and the like. It's like they think nothing can harm them. I tried everything; being peaceful, recovering, doing service, being kind, forgiving them, holding the awareness of absolute innocence. But little does it matter, they just keep pressuring me, cornering me, triggering me and harming me in ways that get viler and viler.

That I'm still alive is nothing short of a miracle. Had three years clean, when I was shoved into one of the facilities and induced suicidal ideations into (that aint that fun, let me tell you; its like craving a drug). I constantly get caused .. "setbacks" translating to externalized costs, small lapses, was caused to end up with a number of extra addictive growths. Always do they pressure on and on and on; and I kept taking steps back, looking at my side of the street.

In the past two years, this culture, craving for denial and that narrative, pressured me to a point of regretting that I did NOT bully people in primary school. Afterall, had I only, I'd made space for myself, things had been easier and I'd likely avoided a lot of the mess. Mind you that bullying and oppression is largely the same - like slavery, only instead of extracting fulfillment by forced labor, a life gets put out of the way, lowering costs and making things convenient.

Currently, one of the more vile struggles I suffer at, is that some creepier lives get tempted. It's easy to misuse the law and enforcement, and that's what occurs. Police are misled, making them do a lot worse things that they would over the years. That pressure towards silence-or-you're-insane combined with guns pointing at the one defending themselves against covert malice; it's a fertile environment for predation, and amid the hunger and cravings that follow being part of causing all that harm, that's exactly what takes form. And it's consumed by the desires, cravings and demand for denial; my energy-field dug into, conveniently blocking inner processing and emotions, that inconveniently gets felt at collective levels - passively contradicting the narrative without necessarily intending to.

I mean hell, sponsorship alone gets more complicated, were I to stay clean, not conveniently die off and recovering. The very risk of someone being able to induce denial, once having been exposed to that, fractures the inner. The authority-role, like centralized literature, is a classic way to impose a way of thinking, conforming things to the disease, a set of interests. And it does occur, and infect society. Oppression breeds oppression, as pain gets numbed out, diagnostics are misused to explain away wrongs and negative labels applied to domesticate lives to make things convenient.

It drains the meetings capacity to carry the message to the still struggling, while those that consume the enabler-fixing have an easier time showing up for roles, passively promoting the usefulness of it, while making it painful and nearly unbearable for any that actually try to live clean, not be in denial and quit fixing the inconvenient changes away with drugs. (Right, "the doctor" .. well the doctor broke their oath, and by principle lost the right to claim their medical license, but there's so much denial that the detail conveniently gets skipped over).

And this ain't an attempt at blaming any member; I get how hard it is to quit, what its like to be so completely convinced that I cannot live without it, and that what I'm told is true. When everyone around me feeds the narrative. Only when I took the struggle to quit, and I'm telling you it ain't easy (this might make it a bit easier), did I bit by bit contribute to surrounds seeing through the lies, and turned into a force of healing and recovery instead of being as toxic as the waste produced in the process of making the drugs. Including the pollution that's the loss of empathy, as countless are exploited heavily in that industry for things to be cheap.

And it ain't the industry, I think, but nonetheless I was threatened passively with harm to those around me; told in ways how I'd be unable to take care of my needs, partnering would be complicated - trying to reel me in. It's not that those factors needed to; they could easily change tracks, undo their lives - I even was part of making recovery easier for them: "Just quit using through the bodies of other people" - but they preferred oppressing by misusing diagnostics, labeling people with lies close to the truth and drugging things away.

Those that tried use me to change things, they too could easily just attend meetings and admit to acting tributaries to others addictions, keeping them stuck on the streets - they'd improve things a lot more within a month that way. Instead, they consumed my connection to a higher power, to God, being cut. Constantly were negative feelings inspired, an alleviate pathway for the cravings to negate the support that kept me clean and able to share.

Transgressing Boundaries

Of course that's but the tip of the iceberg. All the denial of trespassing boundaries, intruding and invading my private space; it exposed my inner energy to get like connected into. Blocked in securing livelihood despite all attempts, I was by circumstance forced to stay a virgin into my late twenties, unable to sustain a somewhat wise relationship and fully aware that it'd turn out horribly. That I'd fail those I'd be with. That I needed take care of my needs BEFORE involving myself otherwise. These vile ones that indulged in oppressing me, other than causing me stuckness in a grim situation, drove me to fail to show up for those I was naturally connected to around the globe.

Not only did that mean hollowing me out, it began irrepairably depleting those lives in this world, that I shared traits with. Those who, similar to the need for the experience, strength and hope of other members, I would have provided a unique kind of processing for. Those, who I by being with one romantically in a not too unwise or disaligned way, would be present for. At the very least in thought and emotion. A depletion, that left them weaker to the risk of ending up on the streets. Some probably did, and restoration of the natural connection isn't really possible once it dies like that.

I was fully aware of how some were seeking towards me, sensing my hurt, and the traction that comes with living clean. Yet as they could never reach me, that movement towards me was - knowingly or unknowingly - tapped into. Basically those seeking towards me, were basically fucked by others, who went into the energy shaping for me. One of those great reasons to avoid that risk of touching the newcomers.

Meanwhile those that indulged in wronging me so, enjoyed partnership-life, fun, socializing, kinship, career, status etc.. And they did that, in a way relying on family-of-origin being evil unto me, partnering life being completely obstructed and relations to country of origin breaking down. Consumed shaping all these back-doors, hacks and the like to develop in my being, my life.

As it turns out, while I ain't that, even monastics get misused as power-sources; their perception is mislead, and subsequently they too develop denial around how they're naturally connected with (gender of choice) around the world, mutually depleting if not showing for them at times, in ways, on points and such. Some likely derive a higher power connection through their efforts, which drains at the malice. Growing aware of that gave me a bit of peace, both as I still need be extremely careful, and that I got something to offer them, making sure I don't indulge in some kind of twisted wrong upon them.

Generally the oppression creates a lot of denial about being wise about partnering. Part of it is the heavy consumptive pressure, that rationalizes the many left on the streets, and what that entails for them. That denial spreads via movies, music and culture, infecting poor populations that lose their wisdom in how to approach things, more with greater likelihood ending up raped, exploited and the like. The disease harnesses structures, societies and contexts, positioning as a pathway of control. Heck, sometimes I feel as though there's thought-pressure towards "wouldn't work for free, now would one?", conveniently part of shaping the pattern of intimacy being exchanged for money. Who gets struck by that, and how does that lead to relapses, addictions developing and various dysfunctions?

And can it be stopped? It would seem not. In the past, previous kinds of oppression burnt spiritual at the stake, those that like the members of the programmes were spiritual. Individuals, capable of bypassing the walls of spears, shields, words and social control, accused - only today of insanity, drugged and denied healthy living. And while I'm not a fan of taking others inventory, they took mine such extreme extents, that I'll dare say; they were probably afraid of those that they couldn't do wrongs to, trying to obstruct any possible retaliation.

Returning the Loss

That vile oppression, labeling, drugging and misusing medical ethos, creates a kind of hollow. Being part of a society in which it happens, creates a hollow within, as does being exposed to it under claims of "necessity" shifting the blame and burden unto those wronged, oft caused the complications by the same structures, approaches and oppression.

And it is sad for the animals farmed. Those whose body-parts gets misused in ways making oppression look attractive. Imagine how they put work in growing, and as they're obstructed creating value, being of service, it'd be expected that the consuming would yield greater yet value. But it adds loss, when sustaining oppression, draining recovery - making every bit of grass they eat less worthwhile. The grass costs resources for nature to grow, a context facilitating recovery as we're alive, leaving nature and the earth hungering for more fulfillment, more cravings.

And as emotions worsen, lives are exploited. People end up hurt and the like. The hollow leaves lives hungering for fulfillment, oft driving rationalization on misusing youth by prostitution, disregarding the transgression of their most intimate boundaries - "they chose to". So why not direct that force to demotivate the oppression, making the fulfillment-cravings negate their roots?

Might as well return the favor, being so very 'helpful'. While this ain't about revenge, it does serve as great precedence to negate the misuse of the programmes. Like they passively obstruct potential partners to those trying to stay clean, in how "they're discompliant" and "probably dangerous", might as well assist those naturally connected to whom indulges in the oppression. It may be desirable to cease sustaining the oppressing, disconnecting to the abnormal losses the passive participation brings into their lives. Makes recovery easier for the many lives sunk into drug-addictions of that particular brand, easing recovery regardless of the brand of the disease (a bit of universality returned there). I sure wish someone had done that for me.

One might say they cast their vote, in doing worse to many, me included, in creating far less value and deeming it worth the while. Why not let that extract out of the culture that constantly misused the programme, dealing the house-drugs and promoting a set of interests? While it could be called old behavior, it might just negate relapses.

Moreover, it might keep the foundations of the programme from cracking under the illusion of unity. The message reaches more and more selectively, the price to step across the doorstep increasingly complicity. Members fear being wronged themselves, unwilling to serve - some senselessly violated while it gets explained away with some stupid label.

Those Sustaining The Misuse of the Programmes

Are likely in a state of status-sensitivity. Fearful of social rupture, and needing be innocent or depending heavily on institutional explanations - addicted to the comfort. Likely they're drawn to power (control) and disguise their avoidance of confronting the reality of oppression. Generally, they're likely to hold a low tolerance for truth, tending to misuse the "there's more than one perspective" while extremely accustomed to high hidden costs. They're likely to use various language to cover possession, while having developed a skill at making those harmed look unreasonable. They could most likely just recover, except hindered by the same oppression, but the high of oppressing sometimes lasts for longer than they live.

Here's a core-profile:

• Those who want innocence without repair. Do they soften wrongdoing when its socially convenient? Soft, soothing, be kind Innocence-launderer
• Those who want love without accountability. Intimacy without purification Do they shift language from what happened whats wrong with them?
• Those who want income without cost-awareness. Do they gain something (status, ease, belonging, income) from things staying as they are? Authority-adjacent
• Those who want authority or peace without truth. Do they reward compliance and get uneasy with clarity? Socially sharp, narrative control Narrative enforcer
• Those who want safety without letting the harmed leave. It helped me Recruited former-victim

Words spoken may be such as They did their best., "They were only trying to help., Everyone agreed., It was necessary. - emotional priesthood padding the conscience, converting guilt into further denial over mending.

Unlikely always consciously malicious, which is part of the danger; some are silently pulled into complicity, participating through fear, comfort, income, rationalization, and the desire to avoid consequences. They are the romantic stabilizers of the oppressors false self, maintaining their illusion, their empowering self-image, and it is likely they heavily reject parts of the awareness to how their lifestyle is lead.

If they themselves were exposed to it, their "recovery story" gets misused to negate resistance on the oppression, maintaining a positive image of the oppressive system they derive their gains by. They claim it helped them, that they saved them, that "you just need support" or "they're professionals". They grow in skill at making the wrongs not believed, at minimizing these - it's the person who enables the oppressor making them feel good about themselves.

They may even love the oppressed, managing them into a convenient fixture; disliking disruption, responsibility, damage to face, shame and questions. Those are socially tactical, skilled with insinuation, quick to pathologize, good at pseudo-tone-policing - often fluent in concern.". The fellowship ought worry for them, what they endeavor in. They may use phrases like unstable, dangerous, obsessive, unwell, or needs help to collapse the persons credibility before the content can be heard, before the inventory gets thorough. Imposing stringent requirements selectively; murdering the witness socially. Oft they're attached to normalcy, manipulating a person into being controllable - oft their livelihood, status, professional identity or the like depend on the oppressed remaining processed through the harmful frame. They may not consciously think: I profit from oppression., they're more likely saying "this is just how the system works".

Both they, and those directly indulgent in oppressing, could of course just take a step back. The alignment would change, it'd be a different natural connection, and its not like recovery is unavailable to them. In fact, all the denial, made it so incredibly easy for them compared to the many hindered/for whom it is hardship, that the burden ought be on them to get honest.

It's a simple way to negate the illusion that the fellowship can just be misused, and that it's gainful to repeatedly service cultural expansion by dealing within the rooms. It is fully possible for such to quit using, and anyone paying taxes, contributing to society - even sharing something like this - at some level is part of enabling the malice. At least recovery is possible, while the increasingly depleted capacity to faciltiate recovery is stilll there, without it getting overly complicated.

It'd allow a multitude of meetings to heal. And sadly, it's incredibly easy, as there's a heavy demand by the many hungered souls for the wealth they hoarded. It may just contribute to the sum of negating the infection of the programmes. That reduces the risk of a new kind of oppressor-bubbles growing, ones that'd misuse the light of recovery, similarly to how medical ethos, health and public benefit gets used as a power-source.

It'll be up to you who read, whether you route other members to read this. Unlike that system, in which people pretty much worship the narrative and institutions, it's not really possible to defer moral reasoning to this writing. That tendency to excuse vile malice, by trusting what they're told to be correct, as they pretend to help and mislead the kin of those they violate.

Personally, even writing this is a risk, and it was not particularly planned. It is however an issue demanding being dealt with, and it's impossible to bring up. I guess, personally, it's better than being broken into worse and less vile methods.

And while I'm a bit wary, if this turns into service, I'm kinda grateful. Thanks!