Hello everyone! .......Who am I ? ......GOOD QUESTION !! ......I guess I'm still trying to figure that one out.......but it's the one question I have continually struggled with over my 23yr addiction to cocaine, freebased cocaine and pot..........Who I am? .....well that one is a little easier....I AM AN ADDICT........
I first came to the program of NA in 1998......but I didn't work the steps, (didn't know how....and an ego toooo big to ask). Thought I could figure it out and hoped that after a few meetings.....well......everything would just fall into place !!........haha.....ya.....ok Gracie......well....as you probably guessed......that didn't work out too well for me.......I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO FULLY ADMIT THAT I WAS "ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE" !!! .....oh I knew I had a problem alright......I'd fully admit to that.......but .....hey.....I was a strongwilled and capable woman......I could do this on my own! ...!*^!!!*** WRONG! ........so after a few more years of abuse, I finally checked myself into "The Orchard Treatment Centre".....(that was Dec 3rd.2005).
It was a great experience for me......I stayed for 42 days of intensive seminars, step work, meditation, group therapy, physical fitness and MEETINGS....MEETINGS....MEETINGS!
But...... life "outside the bubble" is alot more difficult .
At the facility I knew exactly what each "next right thing" was that I must do.............and it was easy to follow thru while I was living on an Island, in a safe house........far, far away from harms reach................now, back at home, there isn't a structured schedule handed to me that I must follow..........instead ......I have to create that structure for myself!...........I'm finding it very difficult...........I was so full of enthusiasm at the treatment centre! .......I was the "golden girl" client...........I really worked hard when I was there, and put 150% into all of my assignments!.....
I've had a couple of weeks of "low motivation" and a bit of depression. I do see an addictions councellor on a weeklt basis, but I worried that my DRIVE has DRIVEN OFF somewhere and left me behind! I'm frightened that if I allow this complacency to set in any deeper I'll be in serious jeaprody of relaps!! ...........anyways........that's where I'm at! ..........if any of you guys live in the Burnaby area......maybe send me a reply if you wouldn't mind taking in a meeting.
Hi Gracie, Welcome home. I am happy to see that you found Miracles in Progress, and that you have chosen to let us into your life. Life "outside" is different, where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. Complacency kills-we are either walking forward or sliding back; there is no in between. Staying clean really isn't that hard, when you compare it to the insanity of all the things we did to stay loaded. If the stock market paid off as well as the investment of time recovery requires, nobody would be working. Small investments for a huge return.
Recovery doesn't just happen, we have to do our part. Go to meetings, go to coffee after the meeting. Hang out with the addicts you see doing service work, helping to carry the message to the still suffering addict. Find someone who walks the walk...not just talks recovery, then ask them to help you to work the steps. When you forge bonds with people in recovery, you will learn a new way to live.
Like that old saying...Freedom isn't free....but in NA it is freely shared!
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
hey gracie, thanks for sharing! is that burnaby b.c. canada you're talking about? i live in the valley. yeah i know how that feels when you get out of treatment. i felt pretty lost and my councillors had told me to change everything about my life so pretty overwhelming! i went to meetings literally morning, noon and night for the first year out of the centre. you are a bright light among us, please don't forget that we need you as much as you need us!......love cindy
