I guess all addicts have a problem dealing with life on lifes terms. I surely know that I do. The responsibility of myself alone is so completely overwhelming, but then add on all the responsibilities of life and i feel like i am going insane. I am a strong believer in my Higher Power (who I call God) and I know that He doesnt give you anything you cant handle, but how true is that? I hate feeling this way. Sitting here, crawling in my own skin.....driving myself crazy and everyone else that I am around. My own family doesnt understand this disease. For as long as I can remember, the only thing I knew how to do is use. Use something,,,anything. So, now I am lost. It is really difficult for me to leave the house with my son and with really no where to go. A few of you have told me to go to the meetings here, and I have for many years. NA here has shut down due to the politics of the group concious, were most of them were still active in their addiction. But I did go long enough to know all the 12 steps and have atleast worked through most of them at one point or the other. I have been staying here doing all the things that I know to do from before. Ive been writing a lot, reading and coming on here. We just do not have many resources where I am at, and unfortuaneltly, I can not move away. I am constantly fighting with my husband because i feel like im going crazy and I know it is my withdrawls. I just dont know whats the next right thing to do.
Bri, When I was about 6 months clean I heard one of the biggest truths of recovery. I just did not know it at the time. A lady who has bercome a dear friend since that time said that "addiction is a disease of perception." It tool a while for this to sink in. The magic of working a program comes from others who understand me, and are willing to tell me when I need to look at what is going on inside my head in a different way. My perceptions of the world get mightily twisted from time to time and I need someone who is looking from a different angle to help me to understand what is really going on.
If there is no NA, find another 12 step fellowship to attend, the disease is the same only the chemistry is different. NA does not focus on a particular drug but on the disease of addiction. While this is not always true in other fellowships, any port in a storm. If your ship is sinking get out of the storm. There are other online resources available, but they are a supplement to a face to face meeting, not a replacement.
Find a way to get someone in recovery into your life. While it is not impossible to recover when you are in a situation of isolation, it will be far tougher.
Together we can NA= Never Alone/Never Again
Lon
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Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
i really could write a book on all the obstacles in my path to recovery. what i've learned is that when i reach to heaven for help heaven reaches back.
Hey there, boy do I know how frustrating it is when the NA group unity fails due to "politics" and so forth. I ran into that problem when I left the treatment center I was in and looked for support- There literally was so much garbage, few meetings, politics, ect. when I was looking for a program of NA to belong to. I decided to take action- you see my recovery requires action on MY part , not some group or person- ME. I decided to start my own legitamate panel of NA, and in the meantime for support through my frustrations I leaned on My H.P. and started going to AA (even though my drug of choice was not alcohol) you see, I am an addict, which means I am addicted to ALL mind and mood altering drugs. Does it matter what program I choose to work? No, it doesn't, people in AA had what I wanted, a good spiritual foundation, and QUALITY sobriety. I am still doing NA meetings of my own, the right way. And I have a sponsor in AA and attend AA meetings. Doing those things keep me sober, its the action I take, and my spiritual foundation. I keep busy this way to, it takes me out of SELF, and the problems I have no control over at home (ie. husband), I find that I have a peaceful happiness, even when things aren't going my way.
Goodmorning shannon,My name is Danielle. I can relate to everything you were saying, especially fighting with my family. I know i'm driving my husband crazy!! For me as for most of us were not only dealing with our addiction were dealing with what we have put out families through while using, and there trying to deal with it to. My husband has been clean for eight years.I left him 1 year ago with absolutely no contact with him and was using and doing anything to get high, i came back home a couple of months ago and he's still here for me after everything i put him through. I was very honest with him about everything i was doing, it's just really hard because he'll always be waiting for it to happen again, hopefully we can get through this! It's so hard trying to build trust back with people. If you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here. Good luck to you! I hope everything works out for you!Have a good day....Danielle
Goodmorning,My name is Danielle. I can relate to everything you were saying, especially fighting with my family. I know i'm driving my husband crazy!! For me as for most of us were not only dealing with our addiction were dealing with what we have put out families through while using, and there trying to deal with it to. My husband has been clean for eight years.I left him 1 year ago with absolutely no contact with him and was using and doing anything to get high, i came back home a couple of months ago and he's still here for me after everything i put him through. I was very honest with him about everything i was doing, it's just really hard because he'll always be waiting for it to happen again, hopefully we can get through this! It's so hard trying to build trust back with people. If you ever need someone to talk to, i'm here. Good luck to you! I hope everything works out for you!Have a good day....Danielle-- Edited by Danielle at 07:54, 2006-04-14
Thanks for everyones wisdom. Today seems to be a better day so far..... My husband and I have had some long talks and even though he doesnt understand this disease, he does understand that he doesnt like me on drugs or alcohol, so he will work on that basis. I do know how extremely important it is to go to a meeting. I have been doing the best I can to find the help I need.
