When I first got into recovery, my significant other begrudgingly came along, as it was told to him that a relationship wouldn't work unless both of us were doing the thing. I remember being in a similar situation, wanting so desperately for the other one to catch on, get tuned in, have the best recovery experience ever. In the meanwhile, I lost track of what was most important: my recovery!

While it's a noble idea, to carry ones significant other into recovery, it's not a reality for personal recovery. Like the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink: so it goes with recovery. You can beat em, smack em over the head with a 2x4 (or the 12x12), belittle them for not going to meetings, take their hand and bring them to their sponsors house (and tell their sponsor how shitty they've been), have sex with them in compensation for working steps... But all that does is cause resentment and a bad taste in everyones mouth at the end of the day, not to mention all kinds of amends that will need to be made in the future!

It took me a while to understand that I needed to have my own program, my own friends, my own sponsor, my own meetings... in order for me to grow. BOUNDARIES ARE A MUST FOR COUPLES IN RECOVERY!!!

Aside from all of that, the best course of action is to lead by example and encourage them to do what is best for them. Let their sponsor help them find that... Remember the best thing was can do is to carry the message, not the addict.