.....L,,,thanks for sharing your struggle,,I mean it!

...I'm not a doctor...not an 'expert' by any means ......and I've never even stayed at holiday inn(sorry bad joke)..I can only share from my own experience in recovery,,,and my -impressions-...maybe I say something helpful...........firstly,,I've taken some key statements and put them together,,to help organize my thoughts--maybe yours too? 

What should I do?.....the best answer lies within you -already-,,it's 'just' a matter of deciding which voice to listen to! ...it helps a LOT to talk,,share with others

...in terms of what is called 'concurrent disorders',,the mixture of an issue such as bipolar & addiction,,I DO know that once people get through the tunnel of addiction that the other issue(for you the Bi-P),,,can dissipate on it's own in MANY cases!

I know nothing of concerta,,but it seems it's ritalin with a new improved name...    maybe there's something for you in reading the full description...  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methylphenidate ...it looks like the post above can be helpful?

concerta ,  problem ,  stimulants ,  trapped , euphoric ,  viscous cycle ,...interestingly,,this line of key words seems to be speaking for itself(?)

push through it which feels impossible....all I know is that for myself,,and many addicts,,each and every clean day seems like a -miracle-....when we stand at the door of recovery--ALL-- seems impossible,,when we look back at ourselves once we make some time it's incredible,,amazing,,a MIRACLE!...how do we do it??..ONE DAY,,sometimes one minute AT A TIME!!,,,with help with our higher power.

push through it which feels impossible. I don't think you'll find a single addict who'll say it was 'easy',,but I can find -many- who would say that the struggles,much like you're going through,are WORTH IT!

for myself,,I KNOW that it was essential to FULLY embrace NA and the program in the FULLEST way...in the beginning there was phone lists and I used them EVERY day regardless of whether I was feeling good or bad,,up or down. ...sometimes 2 or even 3 meetings a day--RECOVERY COMES FIRST...I DO NOT HAVE MY LIFE IF i DON'T HAVE RECOVERY......listen to what is said--it's amazing how there's most always something that speaks to my issues at the time.......and of course that 'higher power' thing--firstly it's the alchemy of hearing success stories of other addicts,,,learning breathing,,meditation,,and prayer was ESSENTIAL to me especially in those 'one minute at a time' times!............it's incredible what 10 deep,slow breaths can do to change a situation!!

I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me or perhaps I'm not doing something right despite learning so many great things in rehab.....rehab was a great -start-!!..for me,,when I finished my first rehab,,,I thought I had 'graduated',,hence my sig-line below,,,I need to remember daily what desperation,,overwhelm,,powerlessness I felt before going in--what brought me here to begin with--think back to that day---you'll realize you are already a miracle!!!....and for the miracle to continue to grow,it requires daily maintenance!

....I hope that you developed a connection with your local NA circle by now,,have phone #'s and meeting list.....USE THEM!......you KNOW you want to!

I am still a baby here in recovery!....yes-that's right!...I hear the same from 20 year veterans too!...this is a JUST FOR TODAY program,,for everything we do ,we get a DAILY REPRIEVE,,and it's -darn- worth it!!

...finally,,when taking those deep breaths,,other than the beauty and power of the serenity prayer,,,I've found that repeating...''open my heart so that I can hear thy voice,,which constantly comes from within'',,has been very helpful in finding a peaceful place to make choices--but most important are those deep breaths--oxygen helps clear the mind,,slow things down--no 'mystery' there!

...L,,,I wish you all the best,,,I hope you find peace and serenity in your day,,I hope you find a line in my jabber which helps you,,it's helped me to remember the principles that have helped me get to 'today',,thanks!.....M

LWin wrote:

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Alright,

So here I am, fresh out of rehab, off of benzos for a bit over a month, not abusing other meds I take for Bipolar Disorder and sleep....however, my doc recently prescribed me concerta again. This has represented a huge problem for me as besides the benzos, I abused the ever living crap out of stimulants. A friend of mine told me to flush the concerta, which I did, sort of. I kept a few to get me through a few days until pay day when I can follow my rehab doc's advice to try natural supplemants to increase my dopamine levels as I am extremely lethargic and deppressed when I go off the stimulants. Hence why it has been so difficult to stop taking them for good as stimulant abuse depletes your dopamine levels.  I feel very trapped with this for a few reasons as I love how they give me that wonderful euphoric feeling yet hate how I feel in the sense that I feel very reliant on them and the viscous cycle of mixing them with downers for the insomnia and anxiety that accompanies meds like this. I don't want to take them, yet my husband is under the assumption that if I just ignore the lack of energy I experience when I dont take stimulants and push through it which feels impossible.

So, my question is this. What should I do? I am terrified that if I take them it will get me sucked back into the cycle I was trapped in not so very long ago, disappointed in myself that I am still so tempted to even go back to them and risk relapsing on benzos and abusing non prescribed sleeping pills. I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me or perhaps I'm not doing something right despite learning so many great things in rehab. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated here as I am still a baby here in recovery! 

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-- Edited by mikah on Thursday 10th of April 2014 11:04:14 AM

 

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 ............ As for getting in touch with local NA groups I have not yet really gotten to know anyone as the groups here are limited in number which is frustrating as I want to be able to attend one every day and can't. I have been feeling more and more secluded in this despite my amazing husband and friends....it's just tough I guess since they haven't struggled with addiction. ......if there's just one meeting a week where you are,,,you can make some very valuable friends who -know- addiction inside-out ----your doctor,,husband,,friends can be supportive,but  it's an -essential- part of the program--one addict helping another.maybe you can find a couple of other addicts who also want to meet more often,,,start another meeting--suddenly you're helping other addicts too...giving back,helping others is also an essential part of recovery in the NA program. 

I guess I figured the worst part was over once I got through the harshest part of benzo withdrawals. But the battle really is a daily thing. This is all very knew to me and it took going to rehab that I had a bigger problem than I had originally thought. What it thought to be a shorter lasting addiction problem is really something that has controlled my life for 6 years....ohh,,yehhh....so many of us entered recovery looking for a 'quick-fix',lol...a bit of clean time let me see that there was much more---the roots go wayyy back,,and need to be dealt with...but WELL WORTH IT!!!.......in my spiritual community,it's said that -all are recovering-!!......we cam from a pure place,,got messed up,lost our connection somewhere,,,and we each in our own way follow a path back to that source......here,we are people who's paths go through the story of addiction....we sometimes go sideways in life,,but NEVER backwards!.....but best is going forwards one step,,one day at a time.....it's just sooo worth it--move towards that purity one day at a  time..............each time you stop,,,breathe,,remember,,help someone in some way,,,,,,,,you move closer to that place!

So it is overwhelming in the sense that despite knowing I can survive without drugs and alcohol the addiction part of my brain tries to convince me otherwise. This is where this program comes in to play. Helps fill the void left behind by eliminating the drugs. ....you've come a long way already gal!-you KNOW it....and you already know how 'cunning,baffling,powerful' the addict brain can be---that's great!....just keep recovery first!!....each and every time you feel that 'overwhelm'--use it as a cue to stop,breathe,remember,,CALL SOMEONE.

....if you google NA in your region,,there's likely a helpline phone #,,,where you can find someone to talk.....if you really need,,you can pm me for my phone #,,but I encourage you to get as local as you can!.......all the best,,,and thank-you for helping me remember to remember the essentials!.........m

 

 

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