Here I go again. Detoxing for the 100th time. I feel like such a failure. I've wasted so much money on opiates, I do have pain and get a legit script each month but I always run out early. Anyway, I'm scared...my husband has no clue. One time he said I looked like I was on drugs and I lied and told him I took a klonopin for anxiety but I was high on a 30mg of oxycodone.
My husband is abusive, verbally. I have no doubt he would hurt me if he knew I spent money on this.
Anyway, where do I go from here? I'm afraid to go to meeting and see someone that knows me and my husband as we own a business in town.
-- Edited by Stillfromny on Friday 21st of February 2014 11:00:49 PM
...wow congrats SFNY!...each day is a miracle! ........of course the A in NA stands for 'anonymity',,it's a -core- principle that ''who we see,what we hear-stays here''. ....usually a 'familiar' in the community comes with quiet respect.
...I know for myself,,,I kept the secret from my partner for different reasons,,,but it was a huge barrier to getting to meetings.,and starting an effective recovery....Everyone's different though,,maybe you can make it on sheer willpower.,or try the next town(?).,,,I guess it depends on the priorities.
...For me the -relief- of being able to start my honest and open recovery far outweighed the chaos and turmoil that only gets worse the more I waited.
...it's been a few months now,and the wounds heal as I get better
I wish you the best,,you've got a tough decision to make,,,but it's worth your -life- to make a good one!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
Thank you, today is day 4 and I feel pretty good, surprisingly. I'm going to go to a meeting in another town...I'll drive, I don't mind it. I'm very powerless over opiates, I can't wean Down or take a normal dose, ever. How's the saying go , one is never enough ? It's never enough. You start chasing the dragon, the first time you got high and alls you end up doing us killing your organs , brain, mind etc. I very aware of that.
I have been abusing opiates for over 10 years so it's going to be a very long ride, mentally for me. I have very low self esteem self worth, self respect. I lie, I'm sick of Lying. When I'm coming clean, I have flashbacks of being raped and i just want to shuf if up. You know? I want it to stop so I take drugs...never ending cycle.
Go to meetings talk with other women,if we lie enough we believe our own lies , I used to . Just keep trying it will work NA has worked for many addicts for many years.
...mannn,,I'm soooo glad to hear you're taking that 'right-next-step'!!...good onya,Gal!
....I'm glad you believe in yourself and the future enough to take this brave step---just remember it's ONE DAY AT A TIME!!,,it helped for me to realize that I shouldn't worry about the BIG picture,,just stay clean for the day,,or even next 5 minutes sometimes
...with a few meetings and support,,I'll bet you'll find a way to end the lie with your mate in a peaceful,loving way...there may be some pain in that process,,,but honesty and time heals everything....you know it!
......there's a -promise- that comes with working the steps ....we find a new way of living!,,,,you WILL find a new way do deal with the pain from the past that you deal with!
..that saying is.....''ONE IS TOO MANY,,,1000 NEVER ENOUGH''!!!,,,,so -very- true.
....KEEP COMING BACK!!
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...gawd,,,please don't let me -ever- forget why I came here in the first place!!(my 'senility' prayer)
