Yikes. I got done playing a show last night and the thought that Id like to drive out to the country under the full moon light and get high came up. Just then, I got a text from a female coworker asking me to come over and get drunk with her! Ive been really lonely lately and havent been with a woman in 2 years so this, coupled with a using thought, had me going. I was ready to just do it. Something stopped me...and a friend in recovery was there. I ended up talking to him instead. But some part of me regrets it. Like I have to be a damn monk now or something. Ahh...I gotta work on this.
Yes there are times when you tested and your resolve is what moves you forward in recovery.I have
been playing drums in Bands since I was 12 years old and when I first got clean band I was working with still had the guys using. I had to make a choice of continuing on and being in that environment or move on and find a better situation for someone trying to work recovery.I chose the later.(not easy but for me at that time not many options)Today I drum in bands that the players don't use(at least while we perform or rehearsing and maintain a coherent frame of mind during our shows. You don't have to become a Monk ,there are different situation you can choose..Just For Today don't use and each day forward it will become more clear to you...Peace man,,,,,,,Good work choosing recovery over using drugs......It will get better.........
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Thanks for the replies. She knew I was in recovery and was already drinking when she called me. She has since apologized and promised we could hang out soon...completely sober. Nice! I have to be careful though. She has her own issues. She often drinks...alone...and has poor self esteem and depression. Not sure how to proceed.
Relationships can be deadly to our recovery. Why work on ourselves, when someone else is attracted to me? Most all step work goes onto the shelf as we seek affirmation from another human being. It's not just the drugs......
So glad that you made the choice to not use. My question to you is.....why would you make a choice in the future to hang out with someone that you already KNOW is using if you are trying to stay clean? We have to change our playground and playmates. I understand the need for companionship. I too, sometimes get lonely. I have not been with anyone since 1999 when I got arrested and went to Prison. My clean date year is 2000. I have not been with anyone by choice as the longer I stayed in the rooms, the more I realized how un-healthy I was and that as long as I was un-healthy and sick, that all I had to bring to a relationship was "SICK" and it most likely would not work out. We tend to attract what we are. Sick people attract sick people and healthy people-attract healthy people. I suggest that you get planted into the rooms, get a sponsor and work the steps to get better acquainted with who you are. You assets as well as your defects. In the past, I got into relationships for what they could do for ME or because they gave me the props and affirmations that I could not give to myself. I looked outside myself to make myself feel better. I have to learn to love myself, have respect for myself, know who I am, what my belief system is, what my values are, before I can ever bring something good into a relationship. The main thing is, is that for that day.....you did not use. So grateful for that and keep coming back. It will get better!
