I have been fortunate through intense Step Work and personal faith beliefs that have allowed me to clean the slate of some of the most deep resentments I have had.Counting my daily blessings is not always easy and when I think "well why can he,she,do,have,have done,will do etc,,I have learned and worked to seek my Higher Power for strength and our primary purpose ,being of maximum service to God and others(even the ones I may have had resentments with.It certainly didn't happen overnite but the progression has truly been a blessing...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
If I have a resentment against someone, I try to pray for the person and turn it over to my higher power. Sometimes I will continue to hold on to a resentment, but if I continue to pray and turn it over I will eventually let it go.
Good question Don.. But I wonder if anyone's found the perfect answer yet. Im still the seeker on how to totally, completely be without resentments ! And I quite accept this is gradual, progressing, idealistic and when I fall short, I am not discouraged. Resentments are a reality of human existence, and just because I'm a recovering addict, I'm not exempt from those very taxing moments. But that said, resentment kills more addicts than anything else, so it is my priority to move away from it. There is no way to insure myself against future resentments. If I keep behaving the way I behaved that got me into the resentment in the first place, then resentments are bound to return.
I think what has really helped me in facing this very "dis-easing" feeling is to actually feel the feeling. And to be very honest, what words can i use to describe the feeling ? It is intense, it is uncomfortable, it is constraining. It keeps me in a very bad space. Basically I never want to be in that feeling, but I need to feel it, identify it and own it in order to let it go.
And when I think of people that I resent, what are the thoughts that describe ? To be very honest, Im thinking ( and I have to be graphic) "Motherfukker" "may they get fukked" "i hate the dog"......and other such abusive ones.
And these thoughts and feelings hurt me and harm me more that the object.
Point is this; if I do'nt resolve the resentment by accepting my part in it, there is the danger that I will go into hate mode. This is when the dis-ease has me completely in control.
Who am I and how did I get into that space ?
What is required is writing, sharing, Praying, Meditating and Cleansing.
Bright part is old resentments dont haunt me anymore; the ones I have nowdays are usually the result of being in new situations with new people.
I remember that my name is Raman, an addict, clean and serene, just for today !
-- Edited by Raman on Tuesday 9th of April 2013 02:24:28 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hi Raman, great post as always. The resentment I was thinking of that got me to start this thread was a reallllllllllllllllllly good one LOL y'know, one where you feel totally innocent. Like you were doing good and someone close to you just completely took advantage of you. I actually spoke to the person about it because it was bothering me so much. They used past history to justify their shabby behavior. It occurred to me that this is the nature of resentments. Someone does somethng to you that causes a resentment, so you simmer for a while then "get back at them" inappropriately, thus creating a resentment on their part that they will act out on....and the wheel keeps turning. The only way I know of to get off the merry go round is to take the high road and forgive, rather than retaliate. I know this of course, but am I always able to be the generous one? Sadly no. Progress not perfection.
Resentments are part of feuled my sick thinking while using . I have learned to ask amends or put them aside for a better way of life .If I followed the path of resentments it may lead me to a relapse .
