I guess I am just hoping to get some perspective/ help.  I am married to a man I've been with for about 12 years (married for 8).  He has been attending NA meetings and really working on his steps/staying clean for a little less than 2 years.  Right around the time he hit rock bottom, it was like a million things happened within a matter of months.  Things were getting so great between us within the past year. We went to a marriage retreat in April and we recommited our vows.  I started going to Al anon over the past summer and I started working on my own recovery.  a couple of months ago, something from my past came back up.  I freaked because I couldnt get a hold of my sponsor, I spoke with 3 different people and got 3 different responses..so I made the decision to tell my husband that when he and I had our falling out and he was at the tail end of his 'using', I had had a texting/emailing 'thing' with this guy I knew from High school.  I felt like I needed to tell him because this other guy contact me out of the blue after a year of not talking and sounded really emotionally unstable and I freaked that he would either try to keep contacting me or try contacting my husband so I needed him to know from my own lips not someone else. My husband has not been dealing with this well.  He started sleeping in the basement, everything we had worked hard towards went completely down the drain. We fell back into major screaming matches, fell right back into the arguing that we used to do before recovery. I started walking on egg shells again, fell back into behaviors that I had developed in the past, lying about money to avoid arguments etc).  

I realized what I was doing 2 weeks ago and stopped lying, started working on my steps again, reading more, started doing the 'love dare'..trying to show love and reinterate that I love him and only him and that my talking to this other guy was a mistake from my past, that I had justified it at the time with all of the things he had done, but that non of that mattered now because we needed to focus on our future together.  He is so very distant from me, telling me that he needs the old phone records/ emails to make sure that my story is true so that he can work through what he needs to work through, and that I need to cut this friend of mine out of our lives because she knew about everything I was doing and didnt try to stop me and she encouraged me to leave when things were terrible.  I know that I can't make him see things my way, or make him fall back in love with me again...but I feel myself going crazy.  I don't have this guys number anymore, I never memorized it because it didnt mean that much to me...he just had the right words at the time I needed to hear them. I deleted all the emails. I've tried get them back, I even called some number where this place takes over your computer to recover lost items and the guy told me there was nothing they could do, the emails were gone.  I have been trying to dig up my old high school photos to try and show him a picture to show  my husband that this guy litereally is nothing that I would have ever 'gone' for, he isnt my type.. literally the only thing was that this guy had a great way with words making me feel good about myself in a time that I felt like shit.  None of my digging is panning out, I'm driving myself crazy to go out of my way to show him my innocence and none of it is working.  my sponsor keeps telling me that this is his thing to work through, that I need to stop appologizing because this all happened in the heat of the disease and that he has to realize that if he wants us to work he needs to look forward not backwards.  I find myself feeling so defeated, a little resentful because we had infact gotten to that point together, and feeling so needy of this all just to hit him like a ton of bricks that we both just need to forget the past and work on the present and future, being in recovery, our family, etc.  

does anyone have any insight/suggestions/comments?  please,& thanks