Our addiction caused us to think almost exclusively of ourselves. Even our prayersif we prayed at allwere self-centered. We asked God to fix things for us or get us out of trouble. Why? Because we didnt want to live with the problems wed created for ourselves. We were insecure. We thought life was about getting, and we always wanted more.
And in recovery we get moremore than just not using. The spiritual awakening we experience in working the Twelve Steps reveals to us a life we never dreamed possible. We no longer need to worry about whether there will be enough, for we come to rely on a loving Higher Power who meets all our daily needs. Relieved of our incessant insecurity, we no longer see the world as a place in which to compete with others for the fulfillment of our desires. Instead, we see the world as a place in which to live out the love our Higher Power has shown us. Our prayers are not for instant gratification; they are for help in helping each other.
Recovery awakens us from the nightmare of self-centeredness, strife, and insecurity that lies at the core of our disease. We wake up to a new reality: All that is worth having can be kept only by giving it away.
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Just for today: My God helps me as I help others. Today, I will seek help in giving away the love my Higher Power has given me, knowing that is the way to keep it.
Love this Just for Today too! It feels like my life in active addiction is a dream now. I cant believe I did half the things I did while using, stealing, robbing, hurting anyone in my path. The people who I care for the most, my family, I stole from, lied to, and manipulated. The disease of addiction taught me how to manipulate anyone with ease. That wasn't me, that person I had become wasn't the person my family and friends loved and admired for being such a strong person. I had become weak and desperate. It came to a point where I was so miserable having to use everyday or I'd be sick, I hated it. I had hit every rock bottom that I said would never happen, and lost everything a man could lose except his own life. One day I woke up and decided I didn't want to die and I was going to fight to get my life back, I called every rehab within a 3 state radius until I found one that would take me immediately. Today, a few months later, I feel like the days of me using are a million years behind me. Its a strange feeling because that was my lifestyle and all I knew for so long, I had just accepted that I was a junkie and would be one for the rest of my life. THANK GOD that I got enough courage to make a change! I saw a quote the other day that said "The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there." That quote couldn't be more right.
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There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.
I'm not as good as I want to be or as great as I will be, but I am better than what I use to be!
