I have 45 days clean today. Prior to that I had been in inpatient treatment, had a slip after I came out for a couple of months and am trying to sort through everything. I've spent all of my adult life using- I'm now 24, started using at the age of 12. I just don't know to function as a person. Life seems so much easier for everyone else. I'm nervous to go to meetings because I don't want to face this disease. I'm nervous to get a job again or have a social life because I don't want to get stressed and relapse. My apologies for the self loathing, I just feel lost in this sea of sobriety. Things are so different.
Any advice? It would certainly be appreciated.
My worst day clean is STILL better than my best day using!
I am an addict named Mike.............I can truly identify,I also stated my journey on the downbound train at around same age(little earlier)and it took me over 25 years before the PAIN FINALLY OUTWEIGHED AND PLEASURE!. I found that just putting down the substance left me in a similar situation as you.Once I began working a process of recovery,learning about who I was(acceptance,total surrender)found that Higher Power to form a relationship and put my life in the care of that Power and went to work on getting to the 'exact nature' of what was going on with me(Steps 4-9)in the program of Narcotics Anonymous my life began to bloom. Hope replaced hopelessness, my self centeredness began to be replaced with caring for others, helping others helped me by sharing my years in active addiction with other addicts like myself talking about our solution in our program. and continuing each day to do the work to ensure I dont ever pick up that 'FIRST ONE" and refund my misery. I listened for a sponsor,went thru my Step work (over and over),meticulously with my sponsor,have a strong support group and make meetings to give back what has helped me thru my experience.Living in the future early in my recovery always kept me anxious.Learning to live Just For Today,helped stop that anxiety.Thoughts of I can't never party again,never use and substance,everyone I know uses,what the heck will I do ,life will become so boring etc all the things our illness tells us,IT ALWAYS WANTS US BACK.......I WAS WRONG!! There is another ,better way to live,one better than I had ever known......... like you said a day clean is better than any day using.WE learn to find new areas of people.places and things,though never cured ,the miracle of losing the desire to use it truly a gift from the God of our understanding..Keep coming back,WE promise ,a day at a time it does get better,Just Don't Use and More Is Revealed.....
-- Edited by MIKEF on Tuesday 30th of October 2012 10:45:59 AM
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Welcome. The NA program is pretty simple. Go to meetings. A meeting every day is recommended for newcomers. Get a home group--a meeting you attend regularly and can get involved in. Get a sponsor--someone to help you work the steps and listen to your stuff. Work the steps. Get involved in the fellowship--hang out with people you meet in meetings, not the old using crowd. Develop a relationship with a higher power. Don't use no matter what! Keep coming back.
Welcome to MIP, my name's Mike I'm a grateful Recoverying Addict. Congratulations on 45 days Clean.
My best thinking got me to NA. Advice? Follow directions. It's suggested hit 90 NA Meetings in 90 days. There is no substitute for face to face NA Meetings. The theraputic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. NA works if you work it - One Day at a Time. Put your Recovery first and the rest will follow.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
If its any help I am new, 26 and have been using for the most of my years from 16 (varying and graduating to different substances). I have yet to go to a meeting, about 12 days clean. I detoxed on my own going through little withdrawal for the help of suboxone. One thing I would like to relate to is looking at the outside in. Keep in mind that no matter how much you might think that other people are looking at you judging you or acting so "normal" they are so warped in their own lives and may just have as many or more struggles than you or I. You are your main focus...always. You will always be there for you. Not the 'not so normal, easy' lives around us at the coffee shop. (I just went through this last week...its a terrible feeling that isn't real). :)
Thank you all so much! Each of you have all said something that genuinely resonated within me. As I mentioned I've been a serious opiate addict for many years. It's a struggle every day, but I'm completely tired of every single thing even slightly related to being in active addiction. I'm unsure of how to achieve everything I want, but just for today, I know that I'm clean..and I am truly grateful for that.
I have 45 days clean today. Prior to that I had been in inpatient treatment, had a slip after I came out for a couple of months and am trying to sort through everything. I've spent all of my adult life using- I'm now 24, started using at the age of 12. I just don't know to function as a person. Life seems so much easier for everyone else. I'm nervous to go to meetings because I don't want to face this disease. I'm nervous to get a job again or have a social life because I don't want to get stressed and relapse. My apologies for the self loathing, I just feel lost in this sea of sobriety. Things are so different.
Any advice? It would certainly be appreciated.
My worst day clean is STILL better than my best day using!
This. That was me exactly. I promise that through the process of the steps and a relationship with God; it changes. The reason you don't know how to function is because you are not like other people! You need medicine and daily maintenance. It is not as scary as you think. Take each day as it comes. Nothing is better than being face to face with other people who feel or felt exactly the way you do. I got clean at 26 and feel so blessed that I did early, I'm 32 now and it is amazing to know I have my whole life ahead of me clean. I felt the way you do right now but I got a sponsor and started my steps and I haven't looked back. You can do this. :) :) :)
go to meetings. listen. pray listen ask someone to sponsor you call him listen to him work the steps. read na literature pray go to meetings listen. It's a simple program for complicated people. it has worked for thousands of 'hopless' addicts it can work for you.
Jess, I can relate to what you said big time. Im 26 and have been using since I moved out at 18. You get so comfortable with that lifestyle that anything else is terrifying. I was afraid of any responsibility so I just used to take the fear away, but that doesnt solve anything does it? And you definately cant grown when in that mindstate. When I got clean a few months ago, I didnt wanna go to meetings or accept the higher power thing, but I was willing to try anything anyone told me would help me stay clean so I started going to meetings everyday even if I didnt agree with what they said and the more meetings I went to, the more the nonsense that they spoke started to make sense to me! You have to have a healthy fear of your disease, the idea of me going back out scares the hell out of me enough to do whatever I have to do to help my mind and spirit. Get a sponsor, your sponsor is who you call if you having thoughts of using, it helps so much to have CLEAN people to be able to call to help remind you how far youve come and how much you have to lose if you go back out. 45 days is a HUGE accomplishment, CONGRATS! :) Dont think to far ahead, just know that your clean today and try to do the next right thing.
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There is a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.
I'm not as good as I want to be or as great as I will be, but I am better than what I use to be!
