My name is Raman and Im an addict, recovering in the NA Program !
Keep going back to meetings. Meeting makers make it. One Step at a time. One is too many, and a thousand after that not enough ! When we addicts, use, we lose, in more ways than one. A day clean is a day won. If you failed to live upto your expectations of yourself, do not be upset; if you have stayed clean today, then you are doing something right. The Steps are the solution. Listen to learn and learn to listen. First things first. Close association and identification with others in NA groups is still the best ground for growth.
hmmm,,,, what more can be said at this time ????? well,, most of all, clean and serene, just for today, by the Grace of God !
Recovery ((((((((((((((hugs, Noel))))))))))) and keep coming back.
Ive got 24 years clean, but thanks for reminding me. Im greatful for your honesty !
-- Edited by Raman on Monday 27th of August 2012 02:03:33 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Im a 41 yr old woman and I have been battling with addiction for at least 20 years. This past September, almost a year ago, I got clean again. I did well and felt pretty good about my future. This past April I slipped and took 3 of my moms painkillers from her recent surgery. The truth is it felt like using convinced me to NOT use again. I felt bad and had a headache non-stop for 3 days. I didn't tell my husband but I shared my experience with my counselor. Around the second week in July I slipped again, this time, I told no one. By now the guilt is piling up and Im more anxious than ever. Last week my dr., whom in the past was told by me not to give me narcotics, ended up giving me a whole bottle of painkillers. Please understand, I know it was my responsibility to remind him that I couldn't have narcotics, but I didn't. I filled the script and took them for about 3 days. On the 4th day I woke up in a panic and started to have some sort of panic attach. My neighbor ran me up to the emergency room. I was fine, I was just panicing. I dumped the rest of the script in the toilet and have started to pick up the pieces, again.
My Husband works out of town a few weeks at a time and he has been gone during this last lapse. He told me last time I used that if I used again he would have to leave me. He said he can't go through it anymore. I understand how hard it must be for him to live and love someone that you cant trust. My panic attacks have continued cuz I dread telling my husband when he gets home. I want to be honest with him but Im scared of loosing him. I realize I should have thought of that before I used, but something came over me and now Im lost. I have no one I can talk with and I would rather not go on if he chooses to leave. My life is so difficult now, I struggle everyday to stay clean and my depression is also taking it's toll on me. I need some hope, some peace and more than that I need forgiveness. I feel so alone!
My name's Mike, I'm a grateful Recovering Addict. I will be an addict until the day I die. Yet by the Grace of my Higher Power through the Power of NA I have 31 years of One Day At A Times Clean. If you want want we have to offer Narcotics Anonymous promises one thing - you NEVER have to use again if you don't want to. I never had that choice before finding NA. If you are willing to make the effort, NA is here for you. Begin by going to 90 meetings in 90 days. Listen, relate, share in the experience strength and hope found in our meetings.
You are not alone. NA is waiting for you, a chair is waiting for you.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Noel when your ready turn your will and life over to God and turn it over to a sponsor who can walk you threw the steps for awhile, nothing permanent there just till you get threw the steps, Gods permanent.
Iit takes a willingness to humble yourself unto god and give him your faith and trust, you have work to do, get moving, save your life and maybe your marriage but put your life first and your relationship with god, maybe losing your husband is what it will take, we all suffer many loss's to get to where we're humbled to our knees and accept Gods help, accept the program of recovery and accept our condition which by the way is hopeless doing it alone.
We don't recover alone it takes people, it takes a higher power who can bring power back into our lives and that power is spiritual.
I've been to treatment 3 times and several NA meetings and things still don't seem to work. I understand everyone says to give it up to God, although I have a strained relationship with him. I know it's my fault that my relationship with God is on a tight wire, but Im not sure how to mend it. By going to meetings I feel like a hyprocite. We talk about God, higher power, and what he can do for us and how he can help us. I don't know if I completely believe that. I grew up in religious school and went to church weekly and when I was a child it was easy to trust in him. Today I have lost so much and hurt so long I don't feel like anyone is there! Can anyone say... pity party for one!" The reality is that I don't care about me enough to keep going if there is nothing to move towards, how much more suffering is out there?
-- Edited by Noel41 on Monday 27th of August 2012 04:03:25 PM
How much more suffering is out there? All you want, however NA offers a choice. Don't like the dogmatic religion of your youth? Me either, read my bio. But I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and SURRENDERED to something anyway. Three treatment centers and you're not cured? Me either including 6 months in-patient. Feel worthless? I did too, felt lower than an ameoba when I got here, didn't feel like I deserved a better way of life. It took me until around 5 years Clean to FINALLY believe in my core I desired this better way of Life I was given and was living.
You are not a bad person, you suffer from the Disease of Addiction from which there is no known cure. Our addiction lead us to do many things we weren't proud of to say the least. But Recovery and a Happy, Joyous and Life FREE from the bondages of active addiction is possible through the tenants of Narcotics Anonymous. IF you want it and are willing to make the effort to get it.
I may sound like a broken record but I'll say it again. Start by GOING TO 90 MEETINGS IN 90 DAYS. Give yourself a chance. There is EVERYTHING to move forward towards, a Life worth Living I couldn't even imagine when I got here.
-- Edited by Mike M on Monday 27th of August 2012 09:40:48 PM
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I've been to treatment 3 times and several NA meetings and things still don't seem to work. I understand everyone says to give it up to God, although I have a strained relationship with him. I know it's my fault that my relationship with God is on a tight wire, but Im not sure how to mend it. By going to meetings I feel like a hyprocite. We talk about God, higher power, and what he can do for us and how he can help us. I don't know if I completely believe that. I grew up in religious school and went to church weekly and when I was a child it was easy to trust in him. Today I have lost so much and hurt so long I don't feel like anyone is there! Can anyone say... pity party for one!" The reality is that I don't care about me enough to keep going if there is nothing to move towards, how much more suffering is out there?
-- Edited by Noel41 on Monday 27th of August 2012 04:03:25 PM
NA is a Spiritual NOT religious based program. Several NA Meetings ain't gonna cut it.
Give yourself a break, what have you got to loose. I said 90 Meetings in 90 Days.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
I"m sorry you feel so lost and alone. The isolation and self loathing you feel, is probably something all addicts have felt It's the great equalizer in our membership. Your not required to tell your husband that you relapsed, at least not yet. But if you really want to get off and stay off drugs then you have to be willing to change. Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness, with these we are well on our way. The only requriement for membership is a desire to stop using. PERIOD. You don't have to be anything or do anything to go to meetings and begin. The most powerful message in NA is "Keep coming back" I personally know several people who were in and out of the program for several years, but now have many years of continuous clean time. Why? Because they kept coming back. A wise man once said "when you arrive at a crossroad......take it" I suggest you do exactly that. peace.
"Many of us define God as the Force that keeps us clean".....
Group Of Druggies in recovery is God too,,,,
"Complete and continous abstinence in close association and identification with others in NA groups is still the best ground for growth". (Recovery and relapse; NA Basic text)
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Thanks everyone, Iam feeling alittle stonger and my only real fear now is telling my husband. I know I don't have too, but that was one of his disgust with my addiction... I lied too and deceived him. So I want to honor him and myself by telling him I slipped. I just hope he can forgive me and we can move on... going to a meeting tomorrow night.. they have meetings Sun, Mon, Wed, Fri, so I plan on making them all.
