Hello. My name is Melissa and I am a newcomer to the chat groups, message boards, and to the program itself. I have tried going to one NA meeting but am not yet comfortable with the face to face meetings. I thought I would give this route a try to warm up to the idea of starting a new life. I dont know that I have ever truly hit rock bottom. I have never been in jail and have always been able to keep a roof over my head, food on my table, and the other necessities I need in life. What I do know is that I have suffered from depression nearly my entire life of 22 years. I never fealt that I really fit in anywhere and I never really knew how to handle my emotions. At the age of 15 I started turning to drugs to heal the pain. Though I have always maintained in life I know that there has got to be a better way. My decision to change came when I watched someone I deeply love hit the bottom. My boyfriend's addictions were stronger than mine ever were and he lost everything. He ended up in jail and is now on probation. And so we are cleaning our lives up together. I have 10 days clean while he has 4. I made the decision tonight to get online and see what help I can find for the both of us. With the knowledge I gain tonight I will be encouraging him to take part in this as well. I hope to meet many new people who can help us on this journey we have just begun.
Hi Melissa, welcome home welcome to NA. You might also want to check out "narecovery.org" My story like most addicts is not that different from yours, I didn't hit a hard bottom except in my heart. I had a Lady friend who had multiple DUIs sold drugs and went to prison (she's still in and out of prisons) I felt so empty inside that I'd get home from work a 5 and be in bed by 5:30, I was in a deep dark hole and didn't know how to get out. I thought I was a Alcoholic that used drugs and I didn't know about the disease of addiction. I enrolled in a outpatient treatment program and they required us to go to 12 step meetings, a friend that I made was an addict so we agreed to meet at a Sunday mourning NA meeting. I arrived at the meeting just as it was starting my friend hadn't arrived yet. I sat in the 2nd row listening to the readings, my head was trying to tell me I was different and didn't belong with these weird happy people who weren't like me. But as I looked around into the eyes of my fellow addict I could see the pain behind the smiles and laughter the same pain I felt and a quiet voice from deep inside said this is the place to make your stand, you can stop looking you're home. One addict helping another face to face and heart to heart, NA promises that you never have to use again. Again welcome Home. Bob.
Hi KrazyKeno, I did not hit a hard bottom either, if you don't consider emotional and moral bankruptcy, and an endless sucession of crises a hard bottom. For me the face to face contact of a NA meeting is a real reinforcement of the good coming into my life. It wasn't that long ago that I had a problem looking people in the face unless I was trying to con them into doing something for me. I would really encourage you to look for a face2face meeting. If the first one you go to doesn't feel comfortable, keep going and try other meetings too. Every meeting has a different flavor to it, and eventually you will find a place where you feel at home. Alienation is one of the reinforcing factors to our disease, and the disease will attempt to keep us sick by telling us we don't belong, even when we are in the healthiest environment we have ever been in. While the web is a wonderful resource, there is no place like a place where "everybody knows your name" and loves you for who you are, even when you are having a hard time loving yourself. Like Bob said "Welcome Home!" Lon
__________________
Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
In AA (maybe in NA too), we have a saying that bottom is where you are when you decided to stop. In other words, God bless that you did not have to lose everything to know that you had a problem and needed help. Congratulations on your 10 (hopefully 14 by now) days. Be well. Jaime
Welcome Mellissa,,, basically NA talks of the whole disease of addiction and more importantly the Program of Recovery as experienced by the million Worldwide Recoverers !!!
Like it says
"it dosent matter what or how much you used or who your connections were, only what your problem is and how we can help"
Which simply means ,, that though we addicts are basically the same ij kind, we do as individuals have different drug experiences !!!
The common factor is recovery the NA WAY !!!
This brings to mind an incident many years ago in a meeting ,,,
there was this very consentitious old times,,, good at explainging various aspects of the Program,godd at service, Traditions etc,, who also was very frankwhen required ...
At that time the Feloowship was going thru a difficult time when members began to judge others as real or not addicts, whether they had reached low enogh to see the Light and Truth and practice Principles etc,,, and alll this wasnt adding to the Unity of the Fellowship.
So one nite in a meeting , after a boiling point was reached, thos oldtimer asks to share and begins
'For Gods sake whats the matter here ?
Cant you see each has his or her own bottom to mind ??/
Ye, some have big bottoms, some are small,, and bottoms come in various shapes and sizes,,, but dont go minding all that,,, you sitting on your own bottom and thzts it""
At first we didnt realize then we understood what he meant,,, and tghough it sounded vulgar and weird,, that was it !!!
The main thing ive experienced in all my clean time is the Truism
" REMEMBER WHEN YOU ARE DISTURBED AND UPSET THAT THE REASON LIES WITHIN YOU "
,,,,, words that still make sense to me,, to this very day !!!
Just for today I will not compare my story or feelings with others,,Im in the right place for the right reason !!
-- Edited by Raman at 12:26, 2005-12-19
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
I attend almost all AA meetings, as there are very few NA meetings in my area and have faced some discrimination as a addict. My sponsor had some great advice for me . . . "some are sicker than others." For me, this means that, even in recovery, we still hold some of the prejudices and preconceived notions of our using and that is okay. What is not okay is for me to return the attitude and build a resentment over it. I cannot tell you all how grateful I am to have this place to come to. It keeps me sane and clean and sober. May each of your Higher Powers bless you all.
hey everyone i am here today to tell my story to anyone who listens!! i am not a drug addict or alcoholic but my father is and has been my entire life!! i am here today because my father is in a self admitted program to become sober and he has been there alittle over 60 days i need someone to help me help him find a sponsor. if he does not have one within the next couple of weeks they will kick him out. i have never had a relationship with my father but am trying to build one now!! i want to be here for him and support him in anyway that i can because i know he is doing the right thing and i feel in my heart that he going to stay sober this time. i go to his n/a meeting with him once a week. please is there anyone that can give me any info or help me out????????
Cosmogrl, You should be proud of your father taking the steps he needs to stay clean. At the same time it is impossible for anyone to help an addict who doesn't want help. Many addicts are scared by the word sponsor when they first come around the rooms of NA. We are so used to thinking that it is us against the world that we allow our pride to get in the way of seeking help from another addict. The best way I can describe a sponsor is that a sponsor is kind of like a fishing guide. They have been there before and they know where the fish probably are. You can stumble around a lake trying random tschniques and locations, hoping to find a fish, or you can accept help from someone who knows where and how to catch fish. While it is possible to catch fish without help, you will go hungry a lot until you figure it out. In short I guess that you father is going to have to decide for himself if he is willing to find a sponsor, or if the requirement by the treatment center that he find a sponsor be an excuse that "NA/recovery isn't for me". Sometimes it takes a lot of fumbling around to become humble enough to understand that we cannot stay clean by our own power, after all, our best thinking got us into the fix we are in now. Keep the faith and let him make his own decisions, it will work out in the end.
Lon
__________________
Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
I second all of what Lon said. On a more practical note, if your dad is ready to get a sponsor, try contacting your local NA/AA groups. I know there is a pretty active "Bridging the Gap" program in my area and may be one in yours as well.
i am very proud of my father and i know he is ready and willing to find a sponsor b/c i go to his na meetings with him for support and try to let him know that i really do care and support his decision to be clean and if i fails i will be here to pick him back up when he falls. at the meetings i always get him to share his story and he asks about sponsors all the time at the meetings but no one has offered yet. and maybe it is a cop out that he cant find a sponsor because he has said many of times that he wants to leave and i just try and convince him to just take a day at a time and stay clean for one more day and see where tomorrow takes you. i go on sundays to the rehab and go to church with him he always introduces me to everyone as he beautiful daughter randi. i am actually named after my dad except his is spelled randy. and it makes it even harder because none of my other siblings talk to him at all because of what all he has put us through but the way i look at it is hes my father and hes the only father i will ever have and if im not on speaking terms with him what happens if he doesnt make it one more day and overdoses or does other stupid things that he has talked about doing. my father never seems happy i dont know if its just because he depressed or maybe hes doing this for everyone else and not himself and he doesnt want to stay clean. well okay il shut up now because im probably making no sense i just want the best for him and i have never seen him make a good choice. but i will have to say that i have learned alot from my father and i think it may have been a good experience for me to grow up aroud this kind of stuff and witness it first hand. i have made some kind of life for myself though not exactly sure where it going to take me
Randi, I am sure that your father appreciates what you are doing. As addicts (or alcoholics, no difference) we effect everyone in our families. May I suggest that you try attending NarAnon/AlAnon/AlaTeen meetings to help you gain some perspective on your responsibilities in this matter. Try looking at http://www.naranonmi.org/meetings_worldwide.htm or http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html to find a meeting near you. Responsibilities often get mixed up in families of addicts, and if we do not understand the roles we play we can do more harm than good, to ourselves also. I am sure that your father needs your unconditional love, but he has to save himself. The first step says that "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable". As we recover we also come to realize that we are also powerless over other peoples addictions. No matter how much we love, care, and wish our friends and families join us in recovery, we cannot force recovery, because recovery doesn't happen until the addict wants it. I would very much encourage you to attend some meetings (AlAnon, ect.) because there are people there who have lived what you have lived, and want what you want, and are willing to be Randi's fishing guide.
Lon
__________________
Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.----Alice Mackenzie Swaim
