Want to say hi everyone this is my first post here. I do hope I'm posting in the right area. My name is Brian and I'm and addict. Heroin is my drug of choice, and I been usinf for about 3 years. Always had an addictive personality. With heroin I never had those nightmare withdrawals I heard about just the chills. I've used two times in the last month two bags. Some would say it wasn't a huge addiction ( compared to a 200 dollar a day one ) but it's just as bad obviously. I have no clue what to do right now. I only had one drug friend, and he's always trying to get me to go. My Mother found me not breathing basically and had to call 911. So with that, I chose it's time to quit. Obviously easier said then done because if I had one now theres a 90 percent chance of I'd do it, if not 100. I am off work today and chose to stay home and be bored so I wont have to take a chance of using ( plus I basically through all my friends to the side 3 years ago when I started using. I believe if I am working the steps right I am on 3. I have a problem, that goes hand and hand with my drug addiction. I have generalized anxiety dissorder and if anyone has an anxiety dissorder I would use heroin to treat. You can say I am dual diagnosed, but I didn't just use to take care of my anxiety. It was the amazing feeling. I chose to stop and be sober the rest of my life, and not use heroin. I just need help, people who understand. God bless I didn't shoot it, but it's still the same. I stole from my Mom, and Family, and it is seriously pathetic. It's so hard to live with the fact that I did all that to get dope, but also that I did dope in general. It was the best thing my " friend " ever introduced me to. I've had enough though, and I want to live a healthy normal life, and know I can. An example of how I feel right now is just a naughing anxious feeling in my stomach right now. So annoying to where if I did a bag, I wouldn't feel it for 2 days. I am also addicted to adderal. That I have just used yesterday. My Doctor ( psychiatrist is a legal drug pusher. I wont even say how much xanax and Klonopin he has me on or even aderall. I complained ( lied to him ) about back pain and was prescribed 90mg Dillaudids. He also prescribes suboxone, so believe it or not he does treat addicts, maybe I just turned into such a good lier. So right now it is 945am. I have so much anxiety, and will be laying in my room on my bed till tomorrow morning. Everything is boring to me. If I new 100 percent sure that I will enjoy computers ( my passion in life as far as work wise ) and that I can feel normal eventually, game set match and I know I will arrest this disease and never go back if I have to go to a meeting everyday for the rest of my life. The only reason I am writing this now, is because I snorted an adderall. I know it can give me a heart attack as I already have blood pressure that is high as hell because of my anxiety and genetics, but it makes me feel talkative and confident like the old me before drugs. Can anyone relate with me, or say anything other then Bri you need to go to meetings and get a sponsor? I know I have to do that ( well I choose tooa ) God bless America I found this site, but I'm kind of worried I posted in the wrong area or know one will respond. I do have two loving sisters, and a Mom who told me "Brian believe it or not I want a good relationship with you" last week beause she knows that it was a reason I would use. Of course it was my fault our relationship was messed up. I have support from family, my one friend will not be getting me drugs, and considering I was freaked out when I rode to the spot by myself a couple times I refuse to do that, but it's still and addiction regardless. Wow this adderall and Heroin was such a stupid choice I made but I can't change the past. With the aderall I dont feel like hanging out with anyone unless I have it. I take either 30 or 60 in less then a week, and hibernate for the other 3. What can I do? My Mom says Bri, go for a walk....Yes the endorphins would probably make me feel better being released, but I am NOT agoraphobic or paranoid. I just don't like walking by the neighbors, or taking a chance of seeing someone I know. I'm sorry everyone that I rambled on like this. I just want to be me again. Deep down I am a great loving person. I'm just and addict. Please if anyone can relate let me know or have anything to say. Okay now it's 10:00am ct. I'm going to be literally be laying on my bed until 7:45 tomorrow before I go to work. My sister says read a book.......Nothing interests me. My rooms real messy, I'm not going to clean it today ( just being honest ) Hope to hear back and that everyone is doing better then I.
Bri,You really need to get off all those meds,that's just like using.The doctor is a legal pusher it sounds like.He is getting you more addicted than you were before.I did not think psychiatrist could prescribe narcotics.Only have friends who don't use,the others want you to use with them.Keep trying go to NA meetings they will help.Were here for you when needed.
Hello Brian,Glad you are reaching out here.I am an addict named Mike.I have a son ,now in recovery from over 7 years of hard core heroin use and abuse,originaaly chasing the tiger to shooting up to $200.00 per day jones...He also had been diagnosed from the time he was 12 with severe OCD(obsessive/compulsive disorder)Manic Depression,ANTI -SOCIAL BEHAVIOR,and was using everything from Resperdal,Paxil,Ativan.Xanax,thorizine all SRI'S THEY COULD FIND,tried Suboxene for awhile ,robbed us blind,went to jail,drug court,TC'S ,1/2 way houses,lived on the street etc.Until he decided to put the drug down and seriously work daily on his recovery he was on a down bound train,like most addicts.He still takes meds for his OCD and some anxiety issues but takes them as prescribed.WE know when we are using or just following a prescription...We always suggest making meetngs,listen for a sponsor,get int our soultion "the steps" applied in the attitudes and behaviors of our lives and keep showing up.The drugs must be put down for the healing to begin.WE are not doctors so as far as medication is concerned I again state that as addicts WE know when we are using.My son would put off taking his Xanax until night time so he could take his every 6 hours at once to get a buzz.And Adderal,and resperdal,etc..Dont be sorry for 'rambling' its how we get HELP!we NEED TO change our attitudes and behaviors.Find people who arent using,get a support group and Just For Today YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE DRUGS AGAIN.You don't have to live like this anymore and you can come in from the storm before you spend decades 'out on the tiles' like many of us before the pain finally outweighed the pleasure.I will keep you in prayer and hope to hear more from ya!!!
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hey bro. I think you know your killing yourself. the good news is. You never have to use again. Go to meetings, read NA literature, get AND call a sponsor, work steps with your sponsor, pray, do some service. It's that simple. peace.
Hi Bri, welcome to MIPS. Quite the higher than a kite rambling! Do you want to stop using? Do you? If yes get your ass to an NA Meeting today. Go to 90 meetings in 90 days and you'll be well on your way to a better way of life. Don't want to hear go to a Meeting? Too bad, that's how NA works. There but by the Grace of God through the Power of NA go I, Clean one day at a time for 31 years. Life does get better, if you honestly work the NA Program. You mentioned being on Step 3, IMO make that Step 1 - Surrender is the key to beginning the Journey that is Recovery from the horrors of active addiction.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Hey friend! My name is Jeanna. I am an addict and my drug of choise was herion but you put any drug in front of me especially if it was for free and I would do it. I been in your same spot. I been using sice I was 18 I am 28 now and I was shooting. The obsession will go away just got to give yourself a chance. I know you dont feel like doing anything but you got to make yourself do things to change your thought process. At leastthats what helped for me. I know for me I couldnt lay in bed all day or hibernate because it made it worse. For me I had to surround myself with people who actually cared about me and made me go do things with them weather it be going to the beach or going bowling to the movies or the park just to get me out of me. If I sat around dwelling on my past I would never stop doing drugs. My moms last request before she died was for me to get clean and stay clean. I couldnt do it for her. I am done now I have to do it for me. I hope this helped a little if u need to talk you can look me up on facebook Jeanna Lisi or on here
