I am a 55-year old mother of three beautiful children and a recovering alcoholic/addict who relapsed last fall. i am clean again now, as of May 7, 2012, and having a hard time. Alcohol is not the problem, that's easy enough for me not to use at this point, it's the vicodin and Tylenol 3 and, I was never choosy, really anytype of opiate. I've relapsed 5 times in my 18 struggle with my demons. I was once very active in NA, but quit going about 2 years ago, probably the start of my recent decline. I am trying to get up the courage, again, to start with the group I left. It hurt me deeply that not one friend reached out to me after I left the group, but I will try and get past that.
I hope I can keep "coming back" here at least. I really have no one to talk to, my husband of 26 years and I are having some problems right now, I am just trying to hold it all together.
Hi Joanna and welcome. I understand your anger toward your former home group, but you are correct not to let their failure as a recovery resource keep you from seeking healing in NA. I had a similar experience. When my commitment as the coffee maker of my home group was up (this was about 4 years ago) I stopped coming to the group or any NA meeting for about a year. I remember the anger I felt when I showed up at my former home group and a long time member asked "how are you", I replied "Well, I'm not dead" He said "Thank God" and hugged me with all his might. This sounds so warm and fuzzy except that my silent reaction was "If you care so much then why the Fck didn't you call me" I got past it, as you seem determined to do and have experienced much spiritual growth. Oh, I still go to that meeting occasionally but it is not my current home group. If there was another way for me to stay clean and in recovery other than na, I would probably join it. For me, at least for the time being it's still the only game in town. For all it's faults it works. peace.
Welcome to MIP Johanna! I am an addict named Mike!
Congratulations on almost 2 mnths free from active"addiction"First WE are here for each other,no big I's or litle U's, just one addict reaching out to another in a loving and caringmanner. As you are aware WE suffer from the disease of 'ADDICTION,a physical,mental and spiritual illness that affects all areas of our lives.In NA ,alcohol is a drug.The traditions hold true to each different program,our parent fellowship A.A. and of course our fellowship N.A..A topic for another time.I believe you will find the courage to return to meetings as oon as the pain outweighs the pleasure,which I also have a feeling is upfront with you now.You are a member of N.A. if you say you are,KEEP COMING BACK.This forum is not N.A. but an outlet where w come to share our ESH with each other in between making meetings,or when we can't get to Face To Face situations.WE come to understand that putting down the substance is the beginning of our healing but in order for OUR program to be most beneficial to our recovery we also suggest getting a sponsor and getting to work on our soution,the STEPS ,worked with a sponsor and the application of the spiritual principles in to the attitudes and behaviors of ourlivesake a look inside,did you get a sponsor?start to work the steps?share your ESH to give back to the newcomer or any who can "identify" with their own illness through your experiences?When you have a strong support group,a sponsor ,#'s and a willingness to reach out you definitely enhance your recovery to remain intact.Remembe .relapses do not just happen all of a sudden,there is usually a lead up(again WE look inside,were we missing meetings,drifting spiritually,mentally getting back into "self" instead of reaching out to whatever Higher Power we entrust our care to(a definite place to reach as our 2nd step tells us 'coming to believe is necessary if we expect to achieve on going recovery)People will always let us down,we are human and all share shortcomings and defects.A blessing you are reaching out here,yes please KEEP COMING BACK....Hope To her more from you,didn't mean to write a diatribe,but I can feel your pain and will lift you up in my daily office to find peace and serenity in your life.
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
thank you friends, for your kind remarks and support...i will probably go back to my old group in the next week or two...there really isn't another group close to me that meets when i can make it. i doubt even a lot of the same people are there, but there were two friends, or so i thought, who had meant a lot to me and the fact they seemed to drop me so easily was very difficult. but, i have struggles with depression and anxiety and, as i said, some things in my marriage that are not good right now, i can see myself barely staying sober...also greatly dissapointed in myself that just two years ago i had been nearly 3 years clean and now, here i am again. i do not want to keep doing this to myself, quitting the use of opiates is a hell of a lot harder at 55 than it was at 35 even, this last quitting time was really difficult for me and i still have some physical problems from it. i was taking 9-11 vicodin a day, they had really ceased to even help with the very real chronic pain i have, i have avoided liver damage from it, really a miracle in iself, and with a few other recurrent health problems, i feel the last part of my life will be difficult enough without using.
i am glad to be here. maybe this time it will take.
Joanna, You can always come back after a relapse and try again.Even in a live NA meeting you are welcomed back,each of us are addicts and should neverbe judged by others.They are no better,they to could be one step away from relapse.
We can never say that it is ok to relapse. After all how can we condone something that can kill? But we also can never refuse to accept back someone who has relapsed. Our traditions are very clear about this, and I don't know anywhere where this isn't strongly enforced. So go. You may be surprised at the welcome. Then it's up to you to let go of resentments and let God be presant.
My name's Mike, I'm a grateful Recoverying addict.
I am not responsible for my disease, I am 100% responsible for my recovery. Not friends, not family, not NA Sponsor, not NA Group, not MIPS. I AM RESPONSIBLE for my Recovery. I alone can do BUT I can't do it alone. For me total and absolute Surrender to the disease of Addiction was the beginning. The Twelve Steps of NA are my road map to learn how to Live. NA Meetings are the foundation, the Rock, where I find Experience Strength and Hope for a better way of Life. By the Grace of God through the Power of NA have 31 years worth of One Day at a Time's Clean free from the bondage and horror of active addiction.
I know I have another Relapse in me. My disease will always want me to relapse, I must remain forever vilgilant. I DO NOT KNOW if I have another Recovery. I choose Life and a daily reprieve, I choose NA.
If you want what we have to offer, Freedom from Active Addiction, and are readyto Surrender Recovery is possible. Get your ass to a face to face NA Meetings. It is suggested 90 meetings in 90 days. With that you will be well on your way.
You feel hurt nobody called you when YOU left NA. Not their job, YOU are responsible for your Recovery. Your feelings are valid and normal for us addicts who like to put the blame on people, placing and things, anything but ourselves. The theraputic value of one addict helping another is without parrallel. It is your responsiblility to ask for that help. Get phone numbers and use them. If you fell like using use the phone first. Waiting for someone to call you isn't how it works. We each are responsible for our Recovery.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
i didn't mean to imply it's anyone's job to call me after i quit going to meetings. i didn't expect that. a little basic human kindness though would have gone a long way. it's the least i would have done.
And I love you. I love you enough not to pull punches. We suffer from a deadly disease that is cunning and baffling from which there is no known cure. However, through the NA Program countless thousands of addicts world wide have found a daily reprive from the horrors of active addiction.
The disease of addiction never leaves me.
The solution never leaves me either if I choose to continue to Surrender and continue working a daily program of Recovery, the NA Way.
NA is not a socioal club. NA is a Program of Recovery from Addiction full of sick people each looking for their solution to Recovery. Expectations set me up for dissapointments. It is written that someday all people, places and things will fail us, except our Higher Power manifest through the Power of NA. It's not necessarily about being nice or being kind to others though that most assuredly can be part of growth, the NA Program is about saving my ass.
I post not because I think I am better or worse than anybody. I post because caring and sharing my Experience, Strength and Hope the NA Way helps keep me Clean another day.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
