Mike,, hi and welcome.... my name is Raman and I am an addict !
youre making a big mistake here; the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using (Tradition 3).
It dosent matter, what or how much you used.

Most of us here admit we were powerless over addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable !
And each group has one primary purpose; to carry the message, that an addict, any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live.
If you are an addict that suffers, then you are in the right place....and at the right time too.
One is too many and a thousand never enough.... The addiction route usually ends in jails, institutions and death....

And on the premise that you havent read this pamphlet, i share this with you.

Ip no.7; Am I an addict ?

Am I an Addict?

Only you can answer this question.

This may not be an easy thing to do. All through our usage, we told ourselves, I can handle
it. Even if this was true in the beginning, it is not so now. The drugs handled us. We lived to
use and used to live. Very simply, an addict is a person whose life is controlled by drugs.

Perhaps you admit you have a problem with drugs, but you dont consider yourself an addict.
All of us have preconceived ideas about what an addict is. There is nothing shameful about being
an addict once you begin to take positive action. If you can identify with our problems, you may
be able to identify with our solution. The following questions were written by recovering addicts
in Narcotics Anonymous. If you have doubts about whether or not youre an addict, take a few
moments to read the questions below and answer them as honestly as you can.

1. Do you ever use alone? Yes . No .
2. Have you ever substituted one drug for another, thinking that
one particular drug was the problem? Yes . No .
3. Have you ever manipulated or lied to a doctor
to obtain prescription drugs? Yes . No .
4. Have you ever stolen drugs or stolen to obtain drugs? Yes . No .
5. Do you regularly use a drug when you wake up or when you go to bed? Yes . No .
6. Have you ever taken one drug to overcome the effects of another? Yes . No .
7. Do you avoid people or places that do not approve of you using drugs? Yes . No .
8. Have you ever used a drug without knowing what it was.
or what it would do to you? Yes . No .
9. Has your job or school performance ever suffered
from the effects of your drug use? Yes . No .
10. Have you ever been arrested as a result of using drugs? Yes . No .
11. Have you ever lied about what or how much you use? Yes . No .
12. Do you put the purchase of drugs ahead of
your financial responsibilities? Yes . No .
13. Have you ever tried to stop or control your using? Yes . No .
14. Have you ever been in a jail, hospital,
or drug rehabilitation center because of your using? Yes . No .
15. Does using interfere with your sleeping or eating? Yes . No .
16. Does the thought of running out of drugs terrify you? Yes . No .
17. Do you feel it is impossible for you to live without drugs? Yes . No .
18. Do you ever question your own sanity? Yes . No .
19. Is your drug use making life at home unhappy? Yes . No .
20. Have you ever thought you couldnt fit in or have a good time
without drugs? Yes . No .
21. Have you ever felt defensive, guilty, or ashamed about your using? Yes . No .
22. Do you think a lot about drugs? Yes . No .
23. Have you had irrational or indefinable fears? Yes . No .
24. Has using affected your sexual relationships? Yes . No .
25. Have you ever taken drugs you didnt prefer? Yes . No .
26. Have you ever used drugs because of emotional pain or stress? Yes . No .
27. Have you ever overdosed on any drugs? Yes . No .
28. Do you continue to use despite negative consequences? Yes . No .
29. Do you think you might have a drug problem? Yes . No .

Am I an addict? This is a question only you can answer. We found that we all answered
different numbers of these questions Yes. The actual number of Yes responses wasnt as
important as how we felt inside and how addiction had affected our lives.

Some of these questions dont even mention drugs. This is because addiction is an insidious
disease that affects all areas of our liveseven those areas which seem at first to have little to do
with drugs. The different drugs we used were not as important as why we used them and what
they did to us.

When we first read these questions, it was frightening for us to think we might be addicts.

Some of us tried to dismiss these thoughts by saying:

Oh, those questions dont make sense;

Or,

Im different. I know I take drugs, but Im not an addict. I have real emotional/family/job

problems;

Or,

Im just having a tough time getting it together right now;

Or,

Ill be able to stop when I find the right person/get the right job, etc.

If you are an addict, you must first admit that you have a problem with drugs before any

progress can be made toward recovery. These questions, when honestly approached, may help
to show you how using drugs has made your life unmanageable. Addiction is a disease which,
without recovery, ends in jails, institutions, and death. Many of us came to Narcotics
Anonymous because drugs had stopped doing what we needed them to do. Addiction takes
our pride, self-esteem, family, loved ones, and even our desire to live. If you have not reached
this point in your addiction, you dont have to. We have found that our own private hell was
within us. If you want help, you can find it in the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous.


We were searching for an answer when we reached out and found Narcotics Anonymous.
We came to our first NA meeting in defeat and didnt know what to expect. After sitting in a
meeting, or several meetings, we began to feel that people cared and were willing to help.
Although our minds told us that we would never make it, the people in the fellowship gave us
hope by insisting that we could recover. [] Surrounded by fellow addicts, we realized that we
were not alone anymore. Recovery is what happens in our meetings. Our lives are at stake. We
found that by putting recovery first, the program works. We faced three disturbing realizations:

1.
We are powerless over addiction and our lives are unmanageable;
2.
Although we are not responsible for our disease, we are responsible for our recovery;
3.
We can no longer blame people, places, and things for our addiction. We must face our
problems and our feelings.
1

The ultimate weapon for recovery is the recovering addict.

1 Basic Text, Narcotics Anonymous


(This is NA Fellowship-approved literature.
Copyright © 1983, 1988 by
Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
All rights reserved. )

Like others have said, only you can decide whether you're an addict. Our program makes no distinction between drugs: whether your drug is pot, heroin, alcohol, crack, or meth, the effect is the same. As addicts, we using complusively, again and again, even when we don't want to, and we use obsessively, thinking about drugs all the time. My main drugs were pot and alcohol when I came to NA, and I did not have as many war stories as people who did "harder" drugs, like heroin and cocaine. But I soon learned that we were all in the same boat.

The fact that you seem to have been able to manage your life better while doing drugs says to me that you had adapted to your drug habit. Now that you are trying to stay clean, this is a major change for you that has upset things. But I promise you, things will get better if you stay clean. At one time I thought that I was able to write or play music better while stoned, but that was just BS.

I would like to thank everyone who responded. I am doing much better in my head this week and have realized that much of what goes on during times of doubt is actually my addiction trying to win me back. I took an honest look at the "Am I an Addict" post. I answered 25 questions definately YES, 2 questions definately NO, and 2 questions were "on the line". It was a good exercise for me to do in admitting I am powerless over my addiction. And yes, I didn't use the "hard" drugs, but I was warned by every pharmacist in town about my abuse of ephedrine (they all knew me and I maxed out my limits everywhere). It was everyday and out of control - and getting worse. Mix that with other drugs daily like weed and the "synthetics" and no wonder I am still cloudy. Really, my not using the hard stuff was less about preference and more about lack of access. It was only a matter of time. After losing my marriage, going bankrupt, and being hospitalized as a direct result of my using (my behavior was so erratic that I was intervened upon and admitted to a psych ward), I think it's safe to say my life had become unmanagable. I stayed clean through the doubt (unlike other times) and I am grateful to have 67 days today. I will keep coming back.

Keep reading make sure to read the whole book but the chapter i loved the most is " Relapse and  recovery" , the part where its says " relapse is a sign we have a reservation in our recopvery" really struck me and made me take a very close look at my recovery and what wasn't I willing to do, i was a chronic relapser for many years.

 

The lack of willingness meant for me a lack of desperation, for me It meant I hadn't hit bottom.

When you hit bottom your willing to do anything suggested by this program and the people who are there to help, it means working the steps, being honest, open minded to the program and having some faith in whats being offered as a way to recover not just to stop using but to make changes in our personalitys, behaviors, thinking and to eventually  have a spiritual awakening.

We relapse when we're unwilling, this is a 3 fold disease and knowing what that is is a tool in our recovery, its mental, physical and spiritual sickness. Obsession and compulsion , obsession to use and once we use the compulsion to keep using and we're unable to stop until brought back down to our knees in desperation, only to fall once again later unless we have the spiritual awakening which removes the obsession.

Another line in that chapter " repalse can be the destructive force that kills us OR leads us to the realization of who and what we really are.

I realized one day after many relapses and after one period clean for 5 years that I was absolutely undoubtedly HOPELESS, i had no power in my life that would help me remain clean and I had to find some kind of power, I would walk in the rooms with all these people who were clean and say to myself " TODAY THESE PEOPLE ARE MY POWER", and thats how i started later I found a God thats helped me when men could not, and that day may come too.

Hope you stay with us and keep coming back,,,

Hi Mike, welcome home.

Our disease is deadly, cunning and baffling. It never leaves me. My disease will always want to bring me down, always for the rest of my life. Yet One Day at a Time Recovery is possible. Keep coming back, here and most importantly live face to face NA Meetings.

We didn't become addicted in one day, likewise we don't learn to Live Life on life's terms Clean in a day or month or years. It's an ongoing life long growing process, A Journey. Give yourself a break and Easy Does It!

If YOU are Clean today YOU Win! You are a Winner.