I've been clean for several months, but was precribed nuerontin, a non-narcotic anti-seizure med for anxiety. I started taking more than prescribed, from 100 mg at first to 200 then 400 then 600) because I felt no effects and was having really bad obsessive-compulsion and depression. I don't think I got high from it. After reading on the Internet that it could be addictive in high doses, I handed it over to my sponsor. More recently, I took two from a friend's room on two occasions to try and sleep when I ran out of melatonin (an herbal supplement that promotes sleep okayed by my sponsor). I fell asleep, but whether it was from the pills or just tiring out, I don't know. I talked about it in a meeting afterward in which my friend and her boyfriend were in. Afterward, both said they could not support my picking up my next keytag. My sponsor says it's not their business to judge my recovery - that it's between me and her, but ultimately between me and my higher power. She said, to thine own self be true, and to pray for an answer. I don't feel like my sobriety was compromised, but I'm not sure what the right thing to do here is. I'm not looking for judgment here, just thoughts and advice. Thanks.
Definitely pray on it and meditate see if you get some answers. Check your behavior we have a tendency to justify things and that's lying to self , im not saying you've done that just something to look at.
Always consult with your doctor he's the one with the PHd. or MD. in front of his name :)
I have to look at this: Was I taking a medication to get high? Suppose my doctor tells me to take 2 aspirin for pain and it is not working so I take 3 or 4. I am not following the doctor's orders, but this is not a big deal, because, as far as I know, you can't get high off aspirin. It would be a different situation, however, if I my doctor prescribed me a narcotic for pain and I started taking more so I could feel good. So, I need to look at not only my actions but also my motives. You are definitely in slippery territory and it is best to your sponsor about this.
I started taking more than prescribed, from 100 mg at first to 200 then 400 then 600
More recently, I took two from a friend's room on two occasions
Clean time is ultimately a personal decision. With alcoholics it's easy to know if you relapsed beause there is never a good reason to drink. Because drugs that can be abused can also be "medicine" We in NA don't have it so cut and dry. I don't know if you got high or went to sleep because of the drugs you took but the two statements you made that I quoted seem like addict behavior IMHO. Does this mean you relapsed and should not pick up a keytag? Again, that is between you and your higher power. Personally, I think too much is made out of clean time recognition. If it is true that "clean tme does not equal recovery" and i believe it is, than it seems to me that all this fuss over keytags is alot of 'feel good' hoopla Pray, look into your heart, listen to your sponser and those close to you who you trust, then pray some more and do what you believe is the right thing. No matter what, keep coming back to na, and let us know how you are doing.
Everyone has a different answer to the abusing medication thing.If your taking more than you should , that could be using or it is acting out on addictive thinking for sure.Some people have to be on medication for long periods of time.A lot of different things are addictive especially the way on minds work.As addicts we all have an addictive personality.Talk to you sponsor or other addicts you might trust about it .
Yes, like the others also shared above, cleantime or relapse is a personal issue that one has to work with the help of their Sponsor; a thorough and searching inventory of the entire issue can help find out for ourselves as to what exactly has happened.
And like Avid shared above, success being perceived as staying clean for long periods of time is too simplistic an assumption. For me, more than the cleantime or the relapses (as an addict I'm subject to relapse just like a person with Cancer or diabetes), it's my state of being, my recovery, the way I begin to feel and deal differently with my existential issues that matters.
Initially as a newcomer in my early recovery attempts, I was prescribed anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds as I was diagnosed as Bipolar and SAD. I remember when I did relapse, it usually started out with me popping more pills than was prescribed and I did that, without doubt, to feel better or good than how I was. The prescribed dose was 'not enough'! I needed more and more of the same thing to feel better. Eventually when someone, a loved one at home, or my therapist or a few members in the fellowship caught me doing this and confronted me, I would get so angry that I stop going to meetings for a few days and eventually pick up my drug of choice. That's just what I did, how it was for me.
I came to a point where I realized that I was not safe even with prescribed meds although I felt I had to take it all as I was having manic/depressive episodes and panic attacks, indulging in self-injury severely on a daily basis. I expressed these concerns to my Counselor, doctor, my family and also to a few members. My Counselor tapered off my meds and put me on to intensive talk therapy coupled with a daily goal setting plan. I made daily meetings. I took a Sponsor and started working the Steps. I got involved with all this, even if I was severely depressed. I just went through what it took anyway. I started accepting my depression and my insomnia. I started telling myself that it's okay to feel down and out, that it's okay that I feel this way. I started talking with my Counselor, my Sponsor and other members more frequently. I avoided being alone, to myself. I took the H.A.L.T. idea seriously. More importantly working the Steps and trying to apply my first 3 Steps in my daily life brought forth a change for the better. I started getting sleep at last when I was 9 months clean. It's been almost 7 years now since I had a manic episode and since I had a phase of depression in my life.
The reason I'm sharing this here? There are quite a few alternatives and options to work around mental and emotional health issues today. And even when I was on meds while they were being tapered off, working the NA Program and getting honest with my tendencies when it comes to prescribed medication, coupled with adequate help and support that I kept around me (as a personal decision) paved the way for me to finally exercise my choice of saying 'no' when I found myself thinking of fixing or altering my state of being.
Also, today when I look back at how I was back then, the crippling and disabling depression, the panic attacks, the crazy manic incidents, the need to cut (self-injure) at the drop of a hat, all that disappeared as my cleantime (read recovery) increased, somewhere between 6 months to 1 year clean, I was free of them all. This does make me seriously think today if it was my addiction mimicking psychiatric symptoms as its last stand of resistance before my recovery program took over the reins
Just my personal experiences, need not be so for another
__________________
"If we do an honest examination of exactly what we are giving, we are better able to evaluate the results we are getting."Chapter 10 - Emotional Pain - NA Way of Life.
I would say yers that was a relapse, but all I care about is that you have a desire to stop using. Please don't give up on yourself and keep gpoing to meetings!
We don't judge others, and what your clean date is, is a personal matter
I don't believe that anyone should answer the question cause it really is on you. If you think that there is even the slightest Chance that you did Relapse than you should start it over. If you don't feel guilty about it than don't. It is Your Recovery.
Like someone mentioned "Too Thy Own Self Be True"
Doesn't matter what we think. Look where our thinkers got us anyways
__________________
Just Keep ON KEEPING ON!!!!!!!!!! If we live we are just pretty lucky
