I am dealing with constant sounds in my head. They go on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I also have disturbing dreams and horrible instrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are terrible things/visions you see in your mind or words that just pop into your head. I have never thought these things before.
The intrusive thoughts started first, 90 days ago, and then came the sounds. The sounds drone on and on and on and seem to mock me. I get so angry telling them to go away and they never do. The anger sometimes leads to even worse thoughts, but who wouldn't be angry with constant auditory torture going on in the sanctity of your own mind.
I also have memory loss. Specifically, most of my GOOD memories of my wife and son. I love them both dearly even though my wife and I are no longer together. I try to use them as a source of strength, but it's like something is trying to take it away from me.
I have a son I haven't seen in 6 months that I desparately want to father. And yes, some of the intrusive thoughts creep in when I think about him and other members of my family.
I haven't drank in over 6 months and I'm getting to the point where I am going to either
a.) go crazy or
b.) get psychiatric help
I feel like there is a dark force working against me that doesn't want me to stay drug, alcohol, or chemically free, see my family, or see my son. I felt WONDERFUL when I first got clean and now I'm afraid to go outside and talk to people because these thoughts just pop up. A mild example of this is the "N" word when I talk to an african american. This has NEVER happened before. I love everyone.
I text people and talk to other addicts on the phone, which is about all I can stand. Going outside and talking to people is torture. People seem to pick up on the things I think. I use to get smiles wherever I went and now people treat me differently, which of course makes it WORSE.
I am going to go and see a psychiatrist soon but I'm hoping some prayers will help me avoid doing any further damage to my brain by medicating it further.
If any of you have gone through similar ordeals and found relief PLEASE share. I am a good person who wants nothing more than to do the right thing. Stay clean, have a full, meaningful life, and most of all, give my son the father he desserves.
I will pray for you. It is important to talk about these troubling thoughts you are having. Sharing them with others helps drain them of their power. It helps me to talk to my sponsor and other addicts about bad thoughts I am having. I can also share in NA meetings. Seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist may also be helpful.
Thank you for your honesty. I am actively praying for you. What you are experiencing is very likely caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain. This is actually more common among newly clean addicts than some of us realize. If this is physical, it requires immediate medical attention as it will only get worse. I urge you to seek medical help ASAP. And know that I am praying hard for your health and sanity to be restored.
I'm a guy and seldom go to a doctor, even when my ass is falling off! That said I highly recommend seeing not just a shrink but at the minimum a psychiatrist who's also a medical doctor. You could have some serious underlying medical condition, like brain tumor or some other medical condition/disease effecting your brain.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Hey James Welcome I am truly sorry for your dilemma and I am not a Doctor but I also believe checking out all avenues for medical reasons cannot be harmful/ My situation is a little different but it almost drove me out of my mind.In 1986, 2 years after I surrendered 25 years of active addiction I acquired ,overnite,severe Tinnitus. Averl loud ,like teapot at the boil whistle in my left ear..At times ,to this day it still gets so loud I cant hear what you are saying...After much medical,and physical and even spiritual searches I became aware that it is something I had to learn to live with.It caused by many different things and millions of people have it ,some so debilitating they cannot perform a norma life.Mine is from 50 years of playing drums in bands and 30 years of shooting shotguns hunting etc and probablty from years of drug use.There is no cure ,but I have learned thru Gods grace and mercy how to refocus .I did think the 1st couple years I would loose my mind,but it was because I couldnt get my mind off the noise.Your situation sounds different but I truly know that using again would have never been the answer..I will continue to pray for you and do suggest you pursue medical avenues...I have learned to live for over 26 years with the "noise" There will probably never again be silence for me,but in my Gods arms, I can feel the peace,I will pray thay for you also....let us know how your doing...Just dont pickup and your chances of finding serenity are multi fold.......iN PRAYER AND SUPPORT
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
yes, get medical help. i would suggest a reular md before a psychiatrist let him rule out a medical basis and if he does then i'm sure he will recommend psychiatry God bless you
Thank you all for your prayers. I love you all and I honestly feel better whenever I ask people to pray me. I love you all and will pray for you as well.
Call a psychiatric hotline and tell them your symptoms. They can direct you to resources in your area. There are techniques that help you deal with voices and disturbances, you can find those on the internet too. Suspend any and all negative reactions or feelings to what's going on. The more angry you feel, the more you calm yourself. Let yourself relax, let yourself feel a deep ongoing transcending calm, no matter what.
Keep the noise and activity in your environment down. Stay as calm as you can for as much of the time as you can. Read good things, pray, study, take it easy on your psyche.
I'd also meditate. Sit relaxed in a quiet place with no disturbances. Maybe run a continuous sound like a fan or the tv with snow, quiet though. Close your eyes, let go of anything that's bothering you, let your brain clear of all thoughts. Meditate for 30 minutes or so, a couple of times a day.
Cultivate health, even or especially when you feel like you're under attack.
It's kinda interesting... I know of friends with dual diagnosis. One said it was a chicken and the egg type of dilemma. Which came first: the mood disorder or addiction? Most of us medicated our moods with drugs, and not the kind prescribed by a MD to treat the mental illness. For me, when I quit the mental illness was alleviated for a time. For others, it becomes more apparent.
There's no shame in getting help, especially with the drastic changes you wrote about.
You can call a psychiatrist for treatment. Have you contacted a substance abuse professional or psychiatrist and asked about possible dual diagnosis?
There are also relaxation techniques that you can do like listening to a soft Christian music, and reading the bible. I don't know what your religion is, but if you want, you can pray to Jesus, he came to give us back our dominion, our control of our lives and He is in control of our situation. If there is a church near you, maybe you can also talk to a pastor or a Christian worker there and they will pray for you.
