getting clean was a gift,,,a wonderful gift i received from a power greater then me and im truely blessed that i was able to remain clean one day at  time because of n.a.  and all the people who share the same primary purpose in the rooms without you all i would not have the gifts i recive from the experiences that i hear from all of those who share some of these gifts are great and some painful but all by the grace of god. you all have stories that i need to hear on a daily basis to keep me clean today.  life is a gift one that is filled with ups and downs some days great and others well lets just say i wouldnt have chosen them if i couldve had something different, but i have life today that isant dark and i try to stay in the moment for the most part. all in all my life is another gift with all the ups and downs.  cleaning up my past wreckage is another gift that is truely heartfelt and amazing and sometimes i am filled with fear and uncertainty but the fact that i feel today is amazing.  BUT... when my 8 yr old granddaughter looked at me today and told me she was grateful for me to be in her life and that she loves me very much...what a rush of emotion ... i feel truely blessed to be here for her today because if i was using i know i wouldnt be here for her...i know that the only thing i'd be living for is getting hi and then getting hi some more. over and over again.  that was my life and the only thing that mattered...and when she told me how she felt i looked back for a second and i felt the pain and desperation and the lonliness that i had lived with for so many years....it was ugly.  i have many gifts in my life today but the greatest one is i am a gift in anothers eyes because i am clean....i am able to forgive myself and love myself alittle better today when things like this happen when i am present in my own life then im present in hers too.  what a gift we are when we are clean.  we truely have alot to give....thanks for letting me share.  blessings for all!