so yesterday my son and daughter in law came to visit me. it was the the first time since they were married earlier in the yr. and the first time also since his return from afganistan..and it was a very nice visit for as few hours and it was truely a warm visit. i was hi with joy and happiness. after they left i was overwhelmed with happiness almost to the point of tears i felt silly. but i have to say it was the most calm i have felt in years last night i slept like a rock and that never happens...today though i feel so overwhelmed with happiness that it has me feeling some anxiety and i'm having little trouble understanding it...ive been praying and meditating alittle ive been doing an inventory so now im sharing in hopes that somebody has some feedback ....just wanting to understand alittle better. thanks anybody and everybody. can happiness and joy bring anxiety? have any of you experienced anything like this?
-- Edited by kellyrae428 on Monday 19th of December 2011 10:12:05 PM
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
Hi Kelly, For me, truly feeling my feelings again, good and bad alike, sometimes brings on anxiety. I think it's because for so long I covered or drowned my feelings with drugs and alcohol. I didn't have to process them, and now I do. Sounds like you're doing the right things, praying and meditating, reaching out. Turning it over to your HP. Maybe a gratitude list so you can see on paper why you feel so happy. You wouldn't think we'd get anxious over being joyful, but it takes time to adjust to our emotions, good and bad. I am happy to hear that you were able to see your son & his wife. Bless him for serving our country, I am grateful for his service. Peace & hugs Kelley
HI Kelly, I totally understand having warm, positive feelings being followed by anxiety. Hell, this happens to me all the time. I too have spoken to others in the program about why this would be. the best answer I got was that we are not used to being happy. We are not comfortable when things go well. We are always waiting for 'the other shoe to drop" so to speak. I know this is true for me. Actually, i would become so uncomfortable when things were going really well that I couldn't wait for the other shoe to drop. I would do something to sabotage the situation, and even though I would hate myself ..... again.... there was some sick, disturbed sort of comfort about being back in the shit again. No doubt about it. I am a sick addict. I just suffer alot less these days, because I'm willing to let myself be happy. You have suffered enough. Choose happiness. You deserve it.
thanks friends it is good to know that im not alone and that i can talk about these things with those that understand what im going through, this is truely an awesome experience and belonging to N.A. is as well. God Bless all us addicts. thanks for being there, i'm beggining to understand it. i could not have done it without feedback. you are awesome!
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kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
Hey Kelly I am trying to instill in myself the adage that Fear does take flight ,when my faith stands firm. My anxieties and fears lessen when I turn them over to the "care" of my Higher Power. Give your son a hug for me and thank him for his service to our country.
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Kelly I can totally relate to this! I think a lot of it for me was not feeling like I am good enough or that I deserved happiness. As if my self pity was just trying to break through despite the fact that everything was fine. Great, even. It is so silly! I have since learned to just feel so grateful and try to help someone else. Doing service helps me to appreciate what I have even more. It is awesome that you are experiencing this. I think it is also learning humility. I am humbled by the blessings I recieve from my HPtoday.
It is wonderful that you are experiencing these blessings too! You are clearly loved.
I'm awaiting the arrival of my 7 year old son. He lives with his dad because of my addiction which makes me very sad but - my god - i get all manner of emotions - most of which don't add up and certainly aint rational. I had a stunning day with my boy last weekend - took him to the dr who experience which he loved and he was all full of "i love you's" and cuddles - i'm a year in and i've turned up every week with him not wanting to hug me or play with me - understandably - but yer... so i've waited a year for those hugs and iwhen i get them.. well i'm sure you know... there's no feeling like it. But, when i left i felt so dark. dak and paranoid even and man, pissed off - utterly exhausted - too bloody exhausted to pray even. But i've prayed so very much since and i think... and i aint no expert but, forings stuff up - guilt, love, fear - fea of loosing them, fea of ejection, fear of letting them down and not being the mum i so want to be all over agian, fear that he wont be happy and it will be all my fault - so yes - anxiety - perfectly nomal i'd say - especially if you don't see him all that often and he's out in afganistan.
Sorry for the rambling. I've never been on this site beore. I just scanned down the list and saw you chatting about your son. It caught my eye. Us mums... well... we should stick together eh? Have a lovely christmas and all the best with you boy. XXX
can happiness and joy bring anxiety? have any of you experienced anything like this?
rings stuff up - guilt, love, fear - fea of loosing them, fea of ejection, fear of letting them down and not being the mum i so want to be all over agian, fear that he wont be happy and it will be all my fault - so yes - anxiety - perfectly nomal i'd say - especially if you don't see him all that often and he's out in afganistan.
Sorry for the rambling. I've never been on this site beore. I just scanned down the list and saw you chatting about your son. It caught my eye. Us mums... well... we should stick together eh? Have a lovely christmas and all the best with you boy. XXX
