I am a long term kidney-stone sufferer and an addict. This always causes problems; emotional, spiritual, and physical. Are there others out there who care to share? Or, does anyone know of a place that I can talk to other people with similar problems.
Hello and WELCOME Archie! PAIN is a nullifier of all things ,hard to function when in the grip of pain,but we also know that exacerbating the situation with drug use(not prescribed) only adds to the misery..Stay close with your doctors.I will keep you in prayer and support.Come on back and let us know how its going,hopefully this too shall pass,you'll get some relief...
__________________
Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Welcome. Go to meetings where you can find other addicts who deal with chronic pain. NA has a pamphlet "In Times of Illness" (look it up on google) that is helpful.
Thank you. I have brought this topic up at AA meetings and the results were not very good. I was told that I needed to accept the pain and go to meetings. The replies I got here, did not condemm me. For that I am grateful!
I have chronic pain, and have had for most of my life. My first addiction was to painkillers. I was only a child and was given them by my mother. As the pain continued and I got older, I then got my own painkillers. Four years ago, after decades of pain and addiction, detoxing when the pain eased, then going back on painkillers when the pain flared up, I found a way to get off all painkillers.
I have been so lonely with this problem. I never used heroin or cocaine, although as a kid I used lots of drugs but didn't become addicted to them. My addiction was to legally, medically prescribed drugs. And I have had genuine health problems. I have found doctors the worst people to turn to. This is very hard for many people to understand, and many doctors have denied that the drugs they prescribe are addictive. They also split hairs about being drug dependent as opposed to drug addicted. I know I'm addicted when I can't stop taking the drug, even when the pain has stopped. Also when I am using a drug clearly prescribed for physical pain, to medicate my emotions. I have lied to doctors about having pain when I didn't, because I needed to get the drugs. I also lied about the severity of my pain, so I could get stronger drugs. I found it very easy to get scripts. I don't blame doctors. They are just doing a job they were trained to do.
I am an AA member but have finally accepted that AA cannot help me with this addiction. I have been to NA meetings, and went at least 3 times a week for over 2 years, but no one could help me there either. What I found frustrating was that no one seemed to take my addiction seriously. Many people said they avoided painkillers because it could lead them to using, as though being addicted to painkillers was not really an addiction. To me addiction is not about which drug you're addicted to, but about the disease of addiction. I even had members suggest I only take half the dose!
I could go on and on, but it probably wouldn't help. I am grateful that I have been able to stay drug free in spite of pain, but it is a very lonely journey. I do have a HP, but would love to have others to identify with, and to share recovery. I have tried pain groups. It is easy to find people who have chronic pain, but I have not found anyone who is dealing with it drug free.
Also, with me, I do believe that my pain has a lot to do with early childhood trauma, and ptsd. Since not taking drugs for the pain, I have had amazing healing from a lifetime of bottled up emotions. I have freedom. Not freedom from pain, but freedom from addiction, one day at a time. The physical pain is nothing compared to the pain of addiction.
Lots has happened since I originally posted, most of which is not good. It has been discovered that I have "lytic lesions" on my spine and pelvis. I am awaiting a bone biopsy on January 4 to determine what is going on. This waiting sucks.
Originally the pain was from kidney stones. After they had been removed (twice in thirty days) I still had pain. A subsequent CT scan discovered these lesions.
Well, now I am really in a pickle. I am limiting myself to 45 mg of hydrocodone per day. Taking narcotics sucks. I am in pain on and off throughout the day. I guess I will continue untill I get a diagnosis. At that point some decisions will have to be made. If my desease is terminal, well then there is an end-point in sight. If it is treatable, then that is another path.
My therapist is incouraging me to go to meetings. AA meetings seem to hate addicts. NA meetings tell me to stop taking drugs, accept the pain, and go to meetings. This forum is as far as I got. Although I stopped drinking in 1985 and was an active AA member for many years, I have been high periodically from taking narcotics for my chronic kidney-stone issue. This causes major guilt within me along with remorse, self recrimination et cetera.
I hope things are a bit better. I spent years in chronic pain, and my mother gave me painkillers as well. I was one of the lucky ones - once I got off the pain meds the pain got much better. Well, I had the PTSD treated at around the same time and that was a huge help.
I will have to say, I go to NA constantly, and I've never gotten an attitude about being addicted to pain killers. Remember, in the first few pages it says even the old woman who is doctor shopping is an addict.
Right now I am in the midst of it- my husband has a kidney stone that is not passing, and it is bringing up lots of feelings about using his pain killers. So he has switch to ultram and that is helping (perhaps that would help you some?).
So I agree, docs don't seem to know much about addiction. Psychologists aren't much better either...
