so in the past few days alot of photos have been being taken, and so i, being my own worst critic, notice that i have been putting on quite a bit of weight....eewww! so today i was browsing said photos and now feeling very fat, my first thought was that i could call a friend in calif. and have her send me a sack of my drug of choice(meth) so that i could lose some of this weight...just like an addict, right? happy to say that my second thought took me to a whole better place...through my h.p. i'm sure, second thought is there are other ways to lose weight...who knew?...lol! i can't believe how easy it was to think wrong thought first...but it was! But it was a reminder of how alive and well my addiction is inside me. so starting tomorrow i'm gonna try running (second thought, RIGHT!) so glad my higher power speaks louder then my addiction, today! seriously grateful for second choices today! now to actually get out and run well im very hopeful!
-- Edited by kellyrae428 on Sunday 4th of December 2011 09:58:49 PM
-- Edited by kellyrae428 on Sunday 4th of December 2011 10:04:47 PM
__________________
kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
Hi Kelly, I am Kelley too!!! At least I'll remember your name. Funny thing about pictures, how we see ourselves in them. I too have been looking at a lot of photos lately, and this is what I have noticed. In the ones before I got clean, my smile never reached my eyes. My eyes were sad, and often half closed or pupils dialated or pinpoint, depending on the drug of the day. Even when I looked a bit happy sometimes on the outside, on the inside I was dying, bit by bit. Pictures taken in my sobriety show a person with a genuine heartfelt smile, radiating from the inside out. Interestingly enough, the pictures I have seen of my sober self I like the best are those that are taken when I am unaware. I can see in my mannerisms and actions genuine joy, not the kind I was seeking in drugs that I never could find. Yes, I have a bit more around the middle than I would like, a few more gray hairs than I thought I did, and even (GASP!!!!) wrinkles. So I have been going to the Y, trying to eat better and take better physical care of my body, and live with the results. That good old serenity prayer rings true for me here. Accept the things I cannot change (getting older), change the things I can (take better care of my body, of my health, both physical and mental) and the wisdom to know the difference(I'm never going to look like I'm 25 y/o again at 52, but I can be healthy through exercise and a balanced diet and lifestyle). Congrats on another sober day, and good luck with running, but take care of yourself, don't push too hard. Peace
Yeah over weight here to and its taking a toll on me, bad knees and back make caring 270 pounds around difficult.
So I have decided to start eating more vegatables, less pizza I have to stop buying trash food like cookies and chips, eating out at fast food is another mistake, its so loaded with salt and calories.
Start with a few changes, i wanted to eat late last night, fry some ham and toss a few eggs over the top with some toast, 11:00 at night WTF? LOL had a glass of water instead, plus i was out of eggs thanks God
I wouldn't call the "first thought" a thought at all -- it's more like an impulse, and the reaction to an impulse can be a compulsion.
I find if I can see that impulse for what it is -- an unhealthy compulsive desire, but not react to it, it loses power and I can be in the moment of letting the impulse pass so I can choose to respond with a spiritual principle -- integrity, love, honesty.
That little gap is the place from where I choose to be better, to be happier, to be healthier. Meditation on a regular basis seems to help me remain mindful and aware of what is really going on so I can choose responses instead of reacting to impulses.
I heard this in a meeting: "when I start to choose something outside myself to change how I feel inside, I know there's a problem"
THANKS ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE POSTED A REPLY. I ALWAYS LOVE IT WHEN I HEAR SOME GOOD STUFF, AND OF COURSE YOU ALL HAVE SOME REALLY GOOD STUFF TO HEAR. SO THANK YOU : KELLEY, DAVE, VINNIE,AND BIONIC....I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU ALL, FOR THE MESSAGES YOU SHARE WITH ME. THIS IS TRUELY AN EXAMPLE OF ONE ADDICT HELPING ANOTHER....WHAT MORE COULD WE ASK FOR ONE DAY AT A TIME...BTW DID NOT GET OFF MY BUTT TODAY. BUT I HAD A SALAD AND NO SWEETS...YAY ME! THANKS EVERYBODY YOU ARE NA BLESSING TO ME!
__________________
kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
so in the past few days alot of photos have been being taken, and so i, being my own worst critic, notice that i have been putting on quite a bit of weight....eewww! so today i was browsing said photos and now feeling very fat, my first thought was that i could call a friend in calif. and have her send me a sack of my drug of choice(meth) so that i could lose some of this weight...just like an addict, right? happy to say that my second thought took me to a whole better place...through my h.p. i'm sure, second thought is there are other ways to lose weight...who knew?...lol! i can't believe how easy it was to think wrong thought first...but it was! But it was a reminder of how alive and well my addiction is inside me. so starting tomorrow i'm gonna try running (second thought, RIGHT!) so glad my higher power speaks louder then my addiction, today! seriously grateful for second choices today!
now to actually get out and run well im very hopeful!
At least I'll remember your name. Funny thing about pictures, how we see ourselves in them. I too have been looking at a lot of photos lately, and this is what I have noticed. In the ones before I got clean, my smile never reached my eyes. My eyes were sad, and often half closed or pupils dialated or pinpoint, depending on the drug of the day. Even when I looked a bit happy sometimes on the outside, on the inside I was dying, bit by bit. Pictures taken in my sobriety show a person with a genuine heartfelt smile, radiating from the inside out. Interestingly enough, the pictures I have seen of my sober self I like the best are those that are taken when I am unaware. I can see in my mannerisms and actions genuine joy, not the kind I was seeking in drugs that I never could find. Yes, I have a bit more around the middle than I would like, a few more gray hairs than I thought I did, and even (GASP!!!!) wrinkles. So I have been going to the Y, trying to eat better and take better physical care of my body, and live with the results. That good old serenity prayer rings true for me here. Accept the things I cannot change (getting older), change the things I can (take better care of my body, of my health, both physical and mental) and the wisdom to know the difference(I'm never going to look like I'm 25 y/o again at 52, but I can be healthy through exercise and a balanced diet and lifestyle). Congrats on another sober day, and good luck with running, but take care of yourself, don't push too hard. Peace
