so i thought i'd share alittle about how i'm feeling and maybe get some feedback from all of you that care to give some..
so my son is coming home any day now from the war, i am so excited about this as there hasnt been a day that hes been over there in afganistan that i havent worried about his safety. the thing is he has shut me out of his world pretty much since he was 16 and went to live with his aunt and uncle who gave him a much better life then i could have financially and because our relationship is part of the wreckage from my using years. i love my kids very much always have but my addiction came before them i took them to family and left so that i wouldnt wreck their lives out in the streets...but now that im clean again ive rebuilt relationships with my other 2 grown children but with this son its like im not going to get a chance to rebuild any kind of relationship which breaks my heart. Even though im grateful his aunt and uncle took him in as one of there own im resentful at the same time because they call him there son and i never gave up my right to be his mom but at the same time they have money and have given him everything he has wanted and more, so he too acts like those are his parents even calls them mom and dad. i know ive made this bed but i want more then anything to heal our relationship we used to be so close and i know hes a man and that things change and im not looking for my little boy im just looking for some sort of relationship...and maybe some forgiveness as well... so plese FEEDBACK people and if you need more from me let me know...all i know is my heart hurts because as much as i look forward to seeing him its not the same for him...how do i work this out? i'm reaching out for suggestions anybody?
__________________
kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
It's always painful to hear from addicts who have lost their children due to this disease. I never technically lost mine, but was so absent from them emotionally, and even by not being around, that the strain between us was deep. It seemed like i would never regain their trust and love, but i was wrong. It took years of patience and unconditional love but my relationship with both my kids is close and warm today. This is a blessing that i never take for granted. I was remorseful and apologetic for a long time, but that was no good. What really started to turn things around was being patient, loving, and always available. Not that they needed me, and it was usually me who initiated contact, but i replied immediately whenever they did reach out and was there for them however they wanted. I did this for a number of years. Things were getting warmer but i still harbored some resentments against their mother which maintained some friction Then about 5 years ago around an incident at christmas time, I just told everyone that I was letting go of all anger, resentments, and grudges against her, her boyfriend and familiy members who i had blamed for taking 'sides' with her.. I really did let it go....it wasn't easy, but it was the best thing i ever did for my relationship with my entire family. Over the past 5 years as i lived the words i had spoken, the barriers really started to crumble. I would love to be able to turn back the hands of time and unmake all the mistakes of the past, but that is impossible. But by letting go of all resentments i have a loving, warm, and relaxed relationship with all my family. Like the commercial says this is "priceless"....It has given me more happiness than i ever thought i would have again. Give yourself a break.....Lose the resentment...your son will love you for it. thanks so much for sharing this
i want to thank you for taking the time to share your experience with me. you have given me hope that i too can get past the barriers to have a loving and warm relationship with my son. i will take your suggestions to heart and look forward to talking again with you. patience is a hard one and so is forgiving myself but im getting better. loke they say one day at a time. thank you very much my friend.
__________________
kelly lofquist
Dont stress over what couldve been, chances are if it shouldve been, it wouldve been...
HI Kelly, This topic is very dear to me, because it caused me so much pain for such a long time. If you wish to email me, you can do so by clicking on my user id....this will bring you to my profile page...then in the first column you will see "private messaging". Just click on that and you can send me an email through the forum. I wish you all peace and happiness.
