Just reading through some of the JFTs, and workin on my first step. Reviewed my older first step...
Lookin maybe for a female sponsor. just some one to go over stuff with me. Having a bit of trouble in finding one. One of the down falls of my recovery is that I havent ever had a sponsor in the 3 years I would have had clean.
I read the post about online/f2f meets and everyone agreeing that f2f is a braver more well rounded way to go about it. Im just putting it out there.
Also, I really want/need to get a first step done specifically about my Father's Death. If any one knows how to do this, please get in touch with me.
Welcome. Regular attendance at in person meetings is one of the keys to my recovery. Hope you can get to some meetings soon. You may be able to find a sponsor there.
You can write out a first step , how your powerless over your fathers passing and how thats effected you or how you've reacted to it negativelty, thats the unmanageability .
"We admitted" thats an acceptance thing, not easy to come to grips with but its a deep decision and understanding of being powerless, 100% powerless and we are powerless over death and at the time when we lose someone that feelings is the worst feeling there can be because we HAVE TO ACCEPT IT or go crazy.
coming to terms people say, its just not easy until we let go absolutely and realize the reality, it took me a long fricken time to accept my absolute powerlessness over drugs and alcohol, it took a long time for me to accept powerlessness over death too, and powerlessness over people, place things, situations, theres so much out there we have 0 power over, and thats ok we dont need it, we need to let god handle all of that we need to take care of ourselves and help others, thats it.
it took me years to accept that because I was lazy, I did not get to the hospital when they called me. and then when I goughot there, the doctor says "He's been dead 10 minutes now".
My father was lying on the hospital bed, dead, and I could not accept that I wasnt there in the final moments, though I could have....
Many writings and many Meditations later, the shame, the guilt and the grief were resolved, but even now as I write, 11 years after that event, I can still feel that undescribeable feeling one has when someone you love and care for is gone forever and you couldnt say good bye....
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
