I am not an addict but an addict's soon-to-be-ex wife. My husband of almost 5 yrs and father of our three children, admitted to using again and is trying to place blame on me. He claims that his support system "vanished", that I deleted all of his contact numbers out of his cell phone (he got a new one, duh!) and that I never talked to him. He also recently left us and went home to his parents!
What does NA say about accepting responsibilities for your own actions?
I guess that in your state of mind it is hard to accept you husband's behaviour. We are responsible for our recovery, we must face our feelings and our problems, and we can no longer blame people, places or things for our addiction.
My addiction took a great toll on me and family and friends. It's like they were thinking, " why cant this guy wake up one morning and clean up".
There was desperation all around as the addiction progressed and we were all completely foxed. None of us knew this was a dis-ease that for me primarily involved the use of narcotics, even when it was dangerous.
One of the first things my family learnt about the disease was; didnt cause it cant control it cant cure it...
and then began a long process called recovery,, Ive been at it for two odd decades, and still am recovering !!!!
May you and your soon-to-be-ex find recovery too,,,,
And by the way, if this man is soon going to be your ex-husband,,, then why bother ? Is guilt hassling you ? If so, then remember you didnt cause it you cant control it you cant cure it !!!!!!!!
-- Edited by Raman on Friday 23rd of September 2011 03:12:34 PM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Have you tried going to Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings? One thing they stress is that they can't control another person's behavior. Yes, addicts who are in recovery should take responsibility for their actions. But, I can't make anyone do this.
Try and locate a Nar-Anon meeting in your area. You can Google Virginia Nar-Anon and find a meeting.I am an addict and also an active member of Nar-Anon as I have a 25 year old son,now in recovery from 7 years of heroin addiction.You will learn that you are not responsible for your husbands addiction and you'll learn to identify with others living the same nightmare you are.Addiction is definitely a family disease and it wreaks havoc through out.You will both have to reach the conclusion you are powerless over your addict and your addict is powerless over his disease and surrender will have to come first.The healing can then begin.I will keep you and your family in prayer I can truly identify with the devastation from both ends.We recover a day at a time,we learn ,in both programs to live and apply spiritual principles in our lives guided by a Higher Power of our own concepts,a Power that is only loving and caring and greater than you.Let us know how it goes okay.....peace..
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
