Went to my second meeting tonite...it was good. Talked to a woman there who has 20+ years of sobriety about being my sponsor, she said she would. Here's where it gets confusing...I have quit cold turkey all the opiates I was doing but I am still smoking pot. I told this lady this and she said that I need to quit and to pray about. Now I have been smoking cannabis since I was very young and really have no desire to quit. Understand that I do deal with chronic pain and all the mental crap that goes along with it. I tell you this because pot helps with the irritability and to some degree the nagging pain.
I really want to do this NA program: Am I not aloud too because of the pot? I know most of you are just shaking your heads and wondering why I just don't quit...me too! And my husband too! It truly is amazing how drugs can make one so self centered! Just please rrealize that pot is the lesser of evils when it comes to dealing with my pain.
I had a sponsee ask me once "Do you think pot is a gateway drug"? I said "no, pot is a drug" I understand wanting to continue smoking pot, or drinking....those may not be the things that have brought us down. The NA way is "complete abstinance from all mind and mood altering drugs". Pot is a drug...alcohol is a drug. Your sponsor was 100% correct in suggesting to you that you stop getting high on pot. Many many many people have relapsed on deadly drugs because they thought pot to be harmless. People come into the program for all different reasons. Many with a burning desire to stop all drugs, others just want to 'cut down' still others don't want to stop at all but are forced to because of the courts or employers, and countless other reasons I'm sure. So, by all means keep coming back. Who knows, one morning you may wake up with no desire to use any drug. I know I did. peace.
If there's an issue with pain, there's a great pamphlet called "In Times of Illness" that discusses a lot of these questions. You can actually find it online, if your NA meeting doesn't have a copy (or doesn't have the latest revision). It's found at http://www.na.org - search around, read a bit, and see what you find.
For me, my drugs of choice included alcohol and pot. In all honesty, if we really wanted to break it down, nicotine and caffeine are also mood-changing, mind altering drugs, but that's a whole other can of worms...
By smoking pot, I am using a SUBSTANCE to alter my consciousness. Humans have 4 basic desires: hunger, thirst, procreation, and to alter one's consciousness. Many find the 4th one through prayer and meditation (which we speak of by the multitudes in NA), music, exercise, odds 'n' ends forms of creativity, etc. Altering one's consciousness by using chemicals is the easier, softer way.
By giving up all substances, we are free to experience life as our HP wants us to - on life's terms. Trust us - and your sponsor - on this one. The NA way is a way free of all substances.
Oh and there's one other small, but substantial thing. We focus on the disease of addiction in NA, not the drugs we used. It's a small, but important change in our first step. By freeing ourselves of all chemicals, we are able to better process this program, work steps with a clear mind, and find unity in the fellowship. (however if anyone out there is on psychiatric drugs, PLEASE STAY ON THEM! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! PLEASE STAY ON THEM!)
Oh and another quick story... one of my sponsees initially came to NA to quit smoking (cigarettes - seriously!). Get this, her therapist suggested it! (yay for NA becoming a viable option in the world!) We suggested she quit using, which took her a little while, but she eventually did. Hence our 3rd tradition! (the only requirement...)
In working with her, she came to the understanding of the "one is too many, a thousand is never enough" saying. ANY substance, for her, was not going to work. She came to a greater state of inner peace and is enjoying life so much more than if she'd just quit smoking cigarettes.
Avid, I am taking your advice to keep attending meetings and am hopeful that eventually the desire to smoke will deminish. Thanks for responding, I always look forward to your comments...very insightful!
Amanda, thanks for responding. You my dear, are the queen of information. You seem to know where to locate information, etc. Obviously, you are very informed and active in your recovery...I hope to emulate this trait! Thanks again!
-- Edited by PAR on Friday 23rd of September 2011 08:50:57 AM
Are you allowed to attend NA Meetings stoned, still using pot? Absolutely, there is only one requiremenet for Membership, the desire to stop using. If you've used that day, please just listen.
China White was my drug of choice. For years I thought I was doing great staying off Heroin, just using Mother Nature. Eventually the 5 fingered herb brought me to me knees. More than once. First time found myself with one month left of a 1 year prosecutors Diversion Program to avoid prision. Staying off "hard drugs" but smoking herb daily. Doing the gig lying to my probation officer and drug counselor monthy. And I was dying inside. On a Friday afternoon I called my PO and was going to spill my guts about getting loaded on pot the whole 11 months of the Diversion Program figuring she'd send me to Prison where in my sick mind I thought I'd be able to get help with my drug problem.
Unbenownest to me My Higher Power was with me, my PO was out of the office for the rest of the afternoon. So I next called my monthly drug counselor and told her my tale of getting stoned on weed the past 11 months and trying to tell my PO. She strongly advised me not to call my PO back who indeed would send me to Prison and told me about a nine month in patient program I might be able to get into. She setup a screening for the following Monday morning.
I ramble, believe I talked about this in my Bio. Bottom line I was accepted in the program. It was not a program based on anything to do with the 12 Steps. Bottom line theory was if I learned enough about myself and how I ticked I could use socially acceptable things like pot and alcohol successfully. Just what I want to learn! And I graduated successfully 9 months later, I was cured! Or so the gestalt psycho babble therapy center said.
For a spell I thought I was doing ok. Got a job, got married, did normal things like joining a pool league. Now everyone at my landscaping job did drugs in one form or another. The owners were coke heads. Me just my Organic Lie pot morning noon and night. Until after one pool shoot's celebrating knew pot wouldn't be enough to keep me going the next morning so picked up a rack of crosstops (speed).
Morning comes and it hits me, my organic lie is dead. I got stoned on weed like normal and left to go to work faced with a dilema, I needed the speed or wouldn't be able to function at work. Instead of going to work I drove around all morning and found myself at a noon 12 steep meeting. Smoked another one to get the courage to go in the door. Didn't say a word or talk to anyone. After the meeting drove around all afternoon then hit an early evening meeting. Stoned of course. Then went home like nothing unualy happened.
This continued for three weeks. Leaving each morning "for work" but not going. Going to 2, 3 even 4 meetings a day every single day stoned. I wanted out, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired but I couldn't quit the harmless herb. It had a grib every bit as terrible as Heroin ever was.
Then the Miracle happened. During the Sunday night NA Meeting a small voice said to me Quit messing around with pot. If you really want to keep getting loaded go get some smack and get your head on your chest like you really want. But you don't have to, you never have to use again if you don't want to.
And somehow a terrible weight was lifted from my shoulders. I now had a Choice! A choice not to use! After the Meeting I was able to dump the Herb I had in my pocket. The joint I smoked before that meeting was the last mood altering substance I've used. For me it took going to Meetings loaded for three weeks before I was able to do that which I'd never been able to do on my own, quit dope, by the Grace of my Higher Power through the Power found in NA Meetings. My Journey in Recovery from Active Addiction had begun. That night was November 30, 1980.
Keep Coming Back. Keep going to NA Meetings. Go Clean if you can go Loaded if you must. Just keep going to NA Meeting no matter what, like you Life depends on it, because it does.
__________________
Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
im reminded of an old jazz standard called "begining to see the light". My own recovery is renewed and energized by your wonderfully honest sharing and the responses.......
Keep coming back here,, keep going back to face-to-face !!!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The drug I didn't want to quit was alcohol. I soon realized I have problem with all drugs. When I using drugs, I want to use more, and more, and then other drugs, etc. I have learned that I have a diseased brain. I am not capable of moderate drug use.
my own history shows that thinking of alcohol as different and "safe" lead me to my major,,,, smack.
Two instances when after hospitalization and staying clean for a period of time, i thought life cant be lived like a square so I drank beer. That was it; the disease was active and in no time was back to tabs and smack and all that misery........
Im very greatful that Ive been informed that Narcotics Anonymous is a Program of total abstinence from all drugs and that Just for today, I never have to use again, no matter what !!
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Hey there, I just attended my first meeting. My first day without pot and Im terrified because it also helps me with my pain which is severe and lifelong. If it were legal to use medicinal in PA it would make it just like it is with me and Percocet. So I guess that answered my question which is the same as yours
Hang in there and just give it 90 days like Im gonna do and see how life is then.\ Im also in therapy for the past 4 months for depression and take my antidepressants because that is a whole different thing. I didnt think that pot did damage like other drugs but I found out from medical people that it does.
i was a humouros, outgoing type till too much pot made me paranoid.. from a friendly human being, I became like an android,,,, in a perpetual state of mental-fever, like continous mind-typhoid.
Crazy thing was, I couldnt stop, so I took more pot, and it made me more like a paranoid, android with forever mental typhoid......
now that I come to think about it, was just trying to fill the VOID !!!!
-- Edited by Raman on Sunday 25th of September 2011 08:15:54 AM
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Ha, sounds like me. I smoked pot everyday for 39 years, and came into the rooms just looking to be rid of blow.
Fortunately I kept coming, then I came to, and realized that I needed to stop the use of all mind altering drugs. That realization took 8 months of meetings. I thought I just had a problem with coke, not my daily constitution!
What did I reallly get out of smoking? If I needed to smoke to have those feelings, how real were they anyway? If I couldn't have those feelings without pot, wasn't that a sign something was wrong?
I am very happy to done with it. Even if it was legal, here in Pa., I would take a pass.
hehe, Don,, Dexidrine for starters,,, then there is Mandrax, Prodorms, Morphine, LSD,,,,(imagine me a paranoid pot head, doing LSD thinkin the paranoia will go away !!!) mushrooms, hash,,,,
and to think we did grass so we got NIRVANA/ a state of total Bliss,,,
__________________
Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
