I don't know what else to do. my life, my world is crumbling around me. and theres nothing i can do about it. The love of my life is breaking my heart, stabbing my soul, and driving me to extinction. theres is nothing left for me to do. im done trying. he moved 300 miles away. he said hes too busy. he said he cant afford to come see me once a month. not even once every 2 or 3 months. my anxiety and stress and depression is out the roof around the moon and back 3 times. i havent eaten in 5 days. i feel sick to my stomach and every time my phone rings it feels like someone tied a weight to my heart and threw it in the ocean. i dont want to talk about this anymore. its exhausting. but he insists. we just talk in circles about the same thing over and over and over. i have no more tears to cry. only anger and sadness fill my heart now. bad decisions? yeah you can throw those in there too. this is exactly how i felt years and years ago when i wanted to kill myself. there is nothing to live for without him.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Liz, I hear your pain and I feel your sorrow. It is so hard to be rejected by one we feel we have given all we are to. As women, it is sometimes difficult to find our worth within ourselves. I know for me, I felt for so long that I had to have a man in my life to love me, or I was incomplete. The funny thing is, even when I had someone, I still felt incomplete. I finally realized that I had to stop looking to another to complete me, and look inward and upward. Slowly I am learning to love myself first and foremost. I have so much more to offer in all of my relationships as a result, and am beginning to feel whole, in and of myself. I will pray for you to find some solace and a bit of hope within your heart. You are worth it. Peace
Liz 4 weeks ago i was in the same boat, I was back with my ex things were going good, she was a new christian and seemed to be better and we were getting along great then after 3 weeks she said she couldn't continue the closeness we had it was to tempting for her to back slide, man I went berserk, she got me by surprise. that week she was going to a christian crusade with her other ex, the one who dumped her then she came back to me and he wanted her back so she dumped me, i was mad and hurt as hell.
4 weeks later, i feel little of how i felt, yeah im still hurt but not as much, i still curse her but i also pray for her. Liz your higher power is maybe removing something thats not good for you, I do not know and neither do you but this is life the program gives us directions on how to handle this shit so start F in applying it before this kills you, dont let this kill you girl.
Hey Liz,, hang in there dear... we all here love you,,, we'll love you till you learn to love yourself...
Frankly, I think that right now you should not be isolating. Try and get to a live NA meeting or talk to an informed counsellor.
Moreover, Im ditto to all that NEZYB said....
I can see you are suffering from feelings of low self esteem that are related to your status with you boyfriend. But just because your boyfriend's like that, you do not have to suffer like this.
Instead of tying your self-esteem to your relationship, look at self esteem in another way. The way to real self-esteem is to do esteemable acts, and now in this moment this means you first of all begin to care for your self.
Move outwards, find NA meetings, call or meet NA members or friends on the phone. learn to accept things as they are.
Im a love-addict too but do not suffer anymore when rejected. After all, those I wish to love may have other preferences or desires. So I accept rather than suffer.
Addiction looks to set up addicts like this, and tempting them in times of pain and suffering.. Beware lov,, it's not worth it,,, a day clean is a day won and you'll find many others to love.
Tho this is difficult, look at what part you, of yourself play in these sufferings. Cause, truly, it's not others that make us suffer; it is our reactions that place us in positions to be hurt, lonely and feeling rejected and useless.
A long, warm cyber hug,,, take you soul back. God Loves you more than any human can,,, an endless, totally unconditional love....
Things will get better. When things go wrong, God makes us strong,,, keep in the HOPE !!!
-- Edited by Raman on Wednesday 21st of September 2011 05:23:08 AM
-- Edited by Raman on Wednesday 21st of September 2011 05:25:13 AM
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
Dear sweet fragile broken heart sick Liz, Young lovers feel the pain of break up worse than any i think. All seems over, no use to continue. NezyB spoke wisely. Young women so often see themselves as half a person, they are not complete without that man. This is an illusion created by society to keep women dependant on men. The lie doesn't work anymore. Feel the pain of the break up and the loss of a lover. But don't you dare tell yourself that you are nothing without him. You are bright, beautiful and have a heart filled with love. You are precious beyond measure. You will live, and you will find love again. Your whole life is before you embrace it.
I grew up in a world of boundary-less insecurity. It's no wonder that my first "drug" was love. Before I ever ingested a substance, I was on this rampage to find someone to complete me. And when one wasn't good enough, two were better? :)
I went along from probably age 14 on, breaking hearts and not really giving a damn... until someone broke mine. A taste of my own medicine. And boy was it bitter!
I was 21, young and naive. I'd invested a lot into that relationship... I even quit using for a period of time for this guy! I was exploring new avenues... spirituality, politics, and guns. hehehe I was actually honest with this guy, too! Told him about my past mistakes, things I wasn't proud of. Then one day, completely out of the blue, (I think it was on my birthday even) he laid it out on me: "I can't handle your past. Your drama. You." And we were over. There was nothing I could say to change it.
I couldn't deal, so I went back to using for another 4 years or so... always choosing guys who were wrong for me, who hurt me, who used me... because I didn't feel I deserved any better.
The program taught me that even though I don't love myself, they'll love me until I can. It's taken some time... and I'm still not there... but I'm loving myself more and more. To accomplish that, I'm doing the next right thing for ME, and that means getting off my duff and going to a meeting when I'd rather be at home, moping; doing step work; calling my sponsor; actually showing up to work on a regular basis. :)
I love that, Raman... to build self esteem, do esteemable acts. Start by focusing on YOU! :)
Oh and get your butt to a meeting. Quit giving yourself excuses - it's your life that's on the line.
I can truly feel your pain,being a receprient of 2 divorces heading for a third until I totally surrendered. Life is a precious gift,it is a fleeting moment and the pain will come.We are all children of God(whatever that means to you)I also suffered feelings of worthlessness and why couldn't I have a working relationship etc.I had to learn to love myself,realize I am not validated by anyone else and move forward. You are a young,intelligent,beautiful person and believe me ,from experience,the pain will cease and life will hold sunshine,its gonna rain ,so bring your umbrella but when the sun comes out ,savor it.For me,when I was broken(many times)I found reaching out to help another got me back in the ring....wasn't easy ,but we work a simple program not necessarily an easy one.In prayer in support....................
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I haven't been in a relationship that way for several years now. I suppose the reason being is I have to figure out how to remain solid in Recovery or at least remain dry in recovery. Even though I am now over 13 months of clean time, I have no desire to be in a relationship. Well maybe that is a lie. I would but my health isn't good enough to be useful to anyone anymore.
I don't think I will be living too much longer anyway.
I keep you in my thoughts Daily all of you!
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Just Keep ON KEEPING ON!!!!!!!!!! If we live we are just pretty lucky
I have no desire to be in a relationship. Well maybe that is a lie. I would but my health isn't good enough to be useful to anyone anymore.
NO! Do not measure your value by how "useful" you perceive yourself to be. Your buying into the premise that you have to be 'productive' or contributing in some tangible way or other myths that cause us to value ourselves based on what we can produce. There are many things of value in a persons life that they can share that have nothing to do with how much material things they have to offer. Wisdom, support, encouragement, experience, kindness, love, example, etc. are just a few of the things that you can bring to any relationship if you so choose. Never let yourself be judged by a standard that relies on 'usefullness' It is a perverted and subjective judgement that demeans our humanity.
