im depressed. and just about ready to give up. i know what yall are gunna say. work the program, call people, go to a meeting, blah blah blah but im just not worth it. i really thought this time through be the last of starting over but i just cant do it. im not strong enough. everything thats going on in my life right now is too stressful. i cant deal with it. im not ready to face my demons. im not ready to step into the real world. im not ready to face the reality of life. i guess this is goodbye for now. see ya when i venture my way back.
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
little dangerous to take this chance not all of us make it back you are a very strong girl i love you and always will you can yahho me and if you do i can give you my number if you have lost it i oopsed again or made a wrong choice but i live with it today cause i am=have to i am an addict i have the disease of addiction as do you don't talk your self down member when i would have you tell me 3 good thing to ever bad you would tell me keep it up as well as your chin we can i can't!
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Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. Og Mandino
I know you don't want to hear a bunch of NA cliches right now, but they happen to be true. When I am in a fowl mood, what I need to do is get out of myself, forget about myself a bit, and be with other people and my higher power. For me, this means going to meetings, calling people, meeting with my sponsor, prayer and meditation. Hang in there. As long as you don't use, things will get better.
I hated reading your post, but I do understand it. Depression drains us of everything. It robs us of our self respect and the energy to regain it. but you know it's your disease talking right? Keep coming back Liz. No matter what else you do, just keep coming back.
Liz ,you know we love you and are concerned but you have to dig your way thru the tunnel,there is one true light at the end and that is 'THAT POWER GREATER THAN YOU' I will be diligently in prayer for you,you have my e mail and you know I am here to talk.Depression is a serious condition and there is medical help for it if you are not already following thru on that end.This light here will always be on.I know you have a deep 4th and 5th step to dig into and 'arent sure who to trust,even yourself making it searching and fearless(God makes it fearless,you have to do the searching)I 'dont need to tell you that freedom will come when you can bring the demons to the light,some of the most difficult things we all have to do to free ourselves.In support and prayer.I will see you again and we'll hear from you ,hopefully sooner than later .And though you may feel it is useless I will stay pray you have a blessed and productive day.Please call someone you think you can relate with,working theses situations out.alone,especially in the frame of mind you are in is very very difficult.There is nothing so bad that God can't forgive you for, forgiving others is also difficult but is part of the cleansing,take that forgiveness and let help free yourself............
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
I've been very busy lately and i had another uncessesful shot with my ex girlfriend who came back to be born again christian and had to leave because i'm to earthly now for her lol LOL LOL
So im going threw some depression plus no work last 2 days it doesnt take long for me to feel worthless .
I just want to sleep, I got out a little today got my back adjusted finally after months now of trouble, maybe thats why, maybe i took to many supplements this morning and drank to much coffee or the tea i got at the coffee shack earlier, hell i dont know LOL
So what do I do i dont feel like working out dont feel like going to a meeting or calling anyone, maybe I should shut everything off and pray and meditate then i'll end up likely feeling better, but do i want to feel better? take the time to stop and get back in touch with my higher power, oh man that takes a little effort but its my last ditch resort yeah i better just do that, it works everytime, I can count on that if I just do it !
Gotta go time to pray and meditate, and the phone will ring or i'll find an excuse but the pain is to deep, gotta run..................hang in there liz trust me its these times that make you stronger, these times when it means the most!!!! @@@@@!@!!!!!!!
Prayer and meditation are never a bad idea unless...... We use them to justify isolating. As in "I'm not isolating, i'm meditating" I'm reminded of something my sponsor often tells me. "Move a muscle change a thought" It's time to get moving vin. An addict alone is in bad company. thanks for sharing. It's important that no matter how much time we have on this board or in our recovery we find the humility to share current pain.
I did advid god tole me to go bleach out the shower curtain then clean the floors, then i got in my truck and left the house ended up chairing a meeting last night, bidding some work and out of the depression , it works it really works
Hang in there liz no ones giving up on you but you, take a good hard look at that dearest....
blah blah blah but im just not worth it. i really thought this time through be the last of starting over but i just cant do it.
First off I can really identify with your feelings and thoughts. Those were the exact same thoughts that I went through the last time I started out on my journey in recovery after a replase that lasted for about two years. I used the excuse of my Sisters death to keep me from doing what I had been doing. I gave up 26 months of clean time because I was so selfish and I had lost my sister. I thought HOW DARE HER DIE ON ME!!! ME! ME! ME!
I nearly died when I was out there. My health wasn't that good before I went back out and it was worse when I got back in.
I was the one that would say "I wasn't worth it" Than this guy that runs Valley Hope in Norton Kansas told me to go to the mirror each day, Morning, Afternoon and Evening and say this 30 times each day for a month.
"I am a child of God in whom he is well pleased"
I thought what a bunch of Bullshit. Like yeah right, he is pleased with everything that I've done!
Than it hit me and it hit me hard! Yes he was pleased and why? Because I didn't quit! I could have continued down the road I was taking or I could do something different. I have been a Chronic Relapser since 2001. I have had more clean time than not, and in two more days can you believe it! I will have a year again!
They say worry about the YETS? (Your Elgible Too)
I Say worry about the AGAINS (And God Angain Invites Nazaraeth Savior)
Peace I hope your alive.
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Just Keep ON KEEPING ON!!!!!!!!!! If we live we are just pretty lucky
yeah i better just do that, it works everytime, I can count on that if I just do it !
