So glad you showed up to this site...your willingness to help ...is beautiful..not only how to help your daughter..but mostly to help yourself..My mother told me her story one day..she said after years of crying, paying my debts, worrying and not able to move on in her own life..She said she just couldn't do it anymore..She ran around the house with my baby picture..crying out to God..asking him to relieve her of the burden..and she said instantly she was set free..the burden was lifted..What happend that day she gave my life to GOD..she stopped playing god..it wasn't working..even though she hurt..she knew that it wasn't up to her anymore..she stop telling me yes all the time..she stop paying the bills for me..Even when I no where else to sleep or shower she said no..It was the best thing she could have done for me..I know it was tough on her..watching her daughter suffer so..Not only did I have a choice..but so did my mother..she chose to get healtheir sooner..But thank GOD..I soon caught on..today I am over 5 years clean..my mother is a key person in my recovery...I believe if you can't help them up..then help them down..Hopefully they will get to there bottom faster..When an addict is in the pit (despair, anguish - down right in the pit of their lives) It's not suppose to be pretty..it's smelly, dirty, depressing and even deadly...Until and addict or anyone struggling with anything decides to get out the pit..that and only then will an addict or anyone will accept help..I learned we don't go in the pit with them..to make it comfortable and smell good and chill in the pit with them..No ..It's theres..Until a decision is made..Hope this helps..I don't know if there is a forum for mothers..but I gaurantee you will get support here also..we care about anyone struggling..I hope your child finds the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous..

Fiesty and MikeF, thank you.

Fiesty, thank you for sharing with me. I read on these forums that "recovery isn't for those who need it, it's for those who want it." Can someone actually force an addict to their bottom? As far as I know at this point, Sarah doesn't need nor want help. She doesn't have a problem anymore, even though we (her entire family that she has alienated) knows she does. It is either that she is still on drugs, or she has developed a serious mental health problem. We are at a complete loss.

Sarah is a hospital emergency room nurse in two different hospitals in her hometown, about a hundred miles from me.  Her husband, Josh, also works as an ER nurse in one of the same hospitals.  They have a beautiful son, Jacob, who will turn four years old next month.  He is my only grandchild.  We love him SO MUCH! He has spent at least eight days/nights a month with us in our home for the last couple of years when Sarah and Josh work the same weekday 12hr shifts.

Sarah takes/injects prescription drugs, starting last July 2010.  Her occupation and friends in the medical field gives her access to these drugs.  She also became a patient of the local pill-pusher physician known as the "Candyman" amongst drug addicts. He's had his license revoked/suspended in six states thus far (I have been forced to do homework).

Sarah became extremely depressed over not being able to conceive a second child last summer, and she found relief (I guess) in self-medicating. She called me crying and dropped this drug-addiction bombshell on me at that time. She was so upset and ashamed at what she'd been doing, and afraid that Josh would find her "stuff" and would leave her and take Jacob away.

She has been suicidal and pulled a weapon on her father the last time he went to her house and tried to take her drugs away. He won't go there again and has nothing to do with her, and therefore has given up on seeing Jacob anymore. Wow. That kills me. I just cannot do that.

Drugs have turned Sarah into a different person.  She has become an evil, heartless, ugly entity that doesn't even RESEMBLE the smart, beautiful person and loving Mommy she used to be.  She was beautiful - inside and out. But, her inside is only ugly now. And, she is paranoid about everyone. And jealous of everyone else. She says such vicious things that I could never even think of - no normal person can think hate like that. She has said and done cruel things so hateful and hurtful to all of us. She has no remorse, and she will shred your heart in whatever way she knows to hurt you the most. Her sister won't have anything to do with her either.  It feels like I am the only one left.  And, I can't do it anymore.

Josh won't do anything. Yes, he knows Sarah needs help. But, Sarah is brutal. I think that she has beaten him down. Maybe she has convinced him that she no longer HAS a problem. He told me without a doubt, that he will never go behind Sarah's back to count pills (as I had asked him), nor will he do anything else.  What will be, will be.

Josh and Sarah have kept Josh's parents completely in the dark. Last week, I left a message for Josh's mother to call me. When Sarah found out, she and Josh concocted some lie (I still don't know what) so that she wouldn't call me. When we drove the 100 miles and showed up at Josh's parents door, Josh's father met us in the driveway. He said that we were in an argument with Sarah and that they would not get involved. I explained, as fast as I could, the horrible truth that we have all dealt with for the past year. I don't know if he believed us or not. I want HELP. Josh will NOT HELP. I HAVE NO ONE!

Last month, I sent Sarah an ultimatum to get help or else.  There are patients in the emergency room who are at risk, and most importantly, Jacob is at risk. The last time he came to stay with us, Jacob was so sunburned, his burns probably needed medical care. I put burn creams, you name it, on that poor baby. It HURT HIM, and it made me cry. MY DAUGHTER would NEVER have allowed this to happen! In the past, she wouldn't allow him to step foot outside without sunscreen and mosquito repellent! She was SO overprotective of him! But now, he had blisters the size of quarters on his shoulders, arms and back! I sent her pictures of the burns. She seemed shocked as she replied, "OMG! I hate it when my kid gets hurt!"

She told me THREE DIFFERENT stories about how he had gotten so burned swimming in the back yard kiddie pool she'd bought for him. 1)I tried to put sunscreen on him, but he wasn't having any part of it, 2)It was overcast that day, so I didn't think he needed any sunscreen, 3)We used Water Babies sunscreen on him, and that stuff didn't work! I'm on my way to get some more Bullfrog sunscreen!

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Sarah knows better than that. But now that she isn't who she used to be, she just makes up lie after lie. And, she forgets what lie she's already told you. She had sent me PICTURES of him in the pool that day, with the sun glaring BRIGHTLY off of his pale skin. We are in a DROUGHT here in Texas. There are no overcast days, and a RN KNOWS that you can still be burned terribly on an overcast day. The TRUTH is, for whatever reason, my daughter carelessly allowed Jacob to become so burned, it broke my heart.  It is not like the accidents he has.  This burn took TIME to happen.

I'm sorry this is so long. I will stop now. Here is where I am today. Sarah has decided that Jacob can't come to our house anymore. We all know that it is because I issued her an ultimatum to get help. My only choice now is to go to court. Sarah will lose her job, her career, her nursing license, her home, Jacob, and most likely her husband. I don't see how Josh can stay with Sarah if Jacob isn't safe to be in the home with her.

This is what I meant by ruining my daughter's life - her entire life - and her future.

Oh my.
such pain...I never get used to hearing these horrible stories.
You need to go to Al-anon or Nar-anon...either or both will help you cope.
Sarah needs narcotics anonymous, and probably inpatient detox.
To answer your question...no, you cannot make an addict want recovery,
Her bottom is her bottom and she has to hit it before she will seek help.
I can understand you wanting to go to court, but that is a very personal decision.
I wish you peace and her recovery.
let us know how things are going.

Dear Sarah's Mom,
I am so sorry for your pain. I can't imagine what you are going through, to see your daughter in such a place and not be able to help her. Unfortunately, as others on this board have said, you cannot bring the bottom to her, she has to reach it for herself. As an RN I can tell you that if you go to court, Sarah will be investigated by the licensing board of your state. She will be given an option of treatment and drug testing , then an opportunity to regain her certification, as if she is as involved as you say she is, she will probably lose it for a while. If she does not comply, she will lose it permanently. It will be her choice. You can look up information about how your state deals with situations such as this by googling the department of health, RN licensing for Texas. How do I know this, you may wonder? I was a heartbeat away from this very senario myself. Through the grace of God, I hit my bottom before that happened. Unfortunately, even though I knew what I was risking, ie career, home, child, husband, etc., I could not stop. Addiction is a powerful foe, it does not let go easily. A few months ago, I didn't know if I would live or die, and honestly, I didn't care as long as I had my drugs. I can go through my day drug free today, and I actually care about myself and others. Again, as I said earlier, through the grace of God, and working the program of NA I have been able to do this. My first step however, had to be to admit I had a problem. No one could do that but me. As addicts we pray for those who still suffer, and myself and others on here will be praying for Sarah and you & the rest of your family. Please reach out to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. You will find a great deal of experience, strength and hope there from others who are in situations similar to yours. Take care of you. Peace

Sarah's bottom may have to come when she cannot lie her way out of her next drug test. If they have already investigated her once, they are surely continuing to watch her, whether she was cleared to return to work or not. As an addict, it was always someone else's fault why I did what I did, not my own. Of course, that wasn't true, but it was certainly how I saw it. Being a nurse and having access to these types of drugs is a very slippery slope for those of us who either are or become addicts. The good news is that eventually most of us get caught by our employers, hopefully before we have done any harm to anyone but ourselves. Then as I stated earlier, we are given the opportunity to get help and get clean, or we are removed from the profession, and rightly so. I pray that Sarah will reach her bottom before she gets to that point, but it may turn out to be the bottom she needs to hit before she admits her problem. Unfortunately, while you and others may see it coming, at this point it sounds as if she cannot or will not. I can relate, as I've been there. Prayers to you & to Sarah, and you are right, I am one of the lucky ones, one who has been blessed. Thanks for reminding me of that. Peace

Natural consequences are the best teachers for addicts. It wasn't until I faced consequences that I realized this insanity had to stop. By enabling an addict or forcing consequences, it only causes more pain in the end.

The best way my family could deal with me was to lovingly detach. They told me when I wanted help (ie. detox, treatment, etc), they would be there, but until then don't bother stopping by.

My step-son is in the throes of active addiction. We had to set up boundaries for ourselves and stick to them. It's hard, but it's worth a piece of sanity knowing there's not a whole lot we can do to "save" the addict.

Check out al-anon/nar-anon. :)

The problem isn't that we can't detach ourselves.  Sarah has done that to all of us, the ones who know of her addiction.  If she banishes us from her life, as she has done, then we won't be calling her out when her speech is so slurred that you can't understand her, or when she tells you something and then changes it and retells it to you again ten minutes later.

We cannot turn our backs because my grandson needs us to be his voice.  Sarah's husband Josh is weak and whipped.  He has left my three-year-old grandson in HER drug-dazed care.  He isn't "allowed" to talk to us about Sarah, else he has to endure her wrath.  Again, Sarah is BRUTAL.

WE are my grandson's voice.  We have to be.  His father WON'T do it.  His mother CAN'T do it.

Went to the attorney yesterday.  Providing him with emails/texts from Sarah admitting to her drug abuse.  Showed him the pictures of my poor grandson's wretched sunburn as he was brought to our home after being in the care of his mother.

The attorney told us, numerous times, to call CPS.  It is SO HARD, though.  The lawyer feels that the court will give us temporary custody until Sarah goes through treatment and proves herself.  Sarah's husband Josh has no say.  He has neglected Jacob by leaving him in Sarah's care - knowing that Sarah was abusing drugs.  It will be VERY EXPENSIVE since Sarah will require drug testing, urine and hair, a mental evaluation, etc.  He just kept telling us to call CPS.

I have been up all night.  I pray, but I just don't know which way to go.  I actually dialed the number for CPS this morning, followed the prompts to speak to an investigator, then hung up after a dozen rings.  If I *KNEW* that CPS would let Jacob come stay with us, I would do it.  I just DON'T KNOW what they will do.  I can't do THAT to Jacob.

I just cry.  That is all I KNOW anymore.  Just cry and worry.  Worry about my daughter, worry about my innocent and precious grandson.  GOD, PLEASE.  TELL ME WHAT TO DO. :(