im gonna try to give a quick background and sum up my question:
ive got 15 months clean, ive been a gsr fer my home group fer about 4 months, and i helped my sponsor and a few others start up a new meeting in out area which i am secretary for... i have an intense passion for trying to help others, especially others wanting to find or improve their recovery...
a week ago i stepped up to be our area's public relations chair, after quite a bit of thought about it, but now my sponsor is upset with me because he didnt 'give me permission'. after i had found out that the current PR chair was gonna step down and was hoping i would take his place, i thought long and hard about it, asked him alot of questions... thought some more... asked other ppl in the fellowship fer their opinions and input... thought some more... asked my sponsors advice (which was to learn more about what i would be committing to before deciding) and asked even more questions of the PR chair that was stepping down... when area business meeting came up, and he stepped down, i decided to step up... they took a vote and i got the position.... but after area, my sponsor read me the riot act because he never gave me the go ahead to do it (he was the area chair, but b4 i was voted in he had announced that he had to step down due to family issues)
since then he has been avoiding most of my attempts to talk with him, and what little he does communicate with me is all extremely negative, critisizing every move i make and, it seems, trying to break my confidence. the day after i was voted in i downloaded and read every piece of literature i could find that had anything to do with public relations, including the entire PR handbook. i learned a lot and it answered some of the questions i had had that even my sponsor had been unable to answer... for example, the difference between attraction and promotion as it pertains to the eleventh tradition. after all of my studies this past week, i am even more confident that not only can i handle these responsibilities, but i will enjoy doing it and have the potential to make a big impact and greatly improve our area... i have the time, energy, resources, passion, creativity and intelligence to hold this position and make it fulfill its full potential... my only liabilities in this particular endeavor are lack of experience, which i can only gain by doing, and lack of patience which i am aware of and working to improve.
Do you mean honor your commitments and do your best as Area PR Chair or step down because your sponsor thinks you didn't get their needed their permission before accepting the positition?
In my Recovery a sponsor isn't a boss or a god but rather a guide and resource. My Recovery is my responsibility, not my sponsors.
Do you plan to honor your other Service commitments for duration of their terms or step down as Home Group Secretary because now you won't have time? That would be my only concern. Not saying you can't hold multiple posititions and do them all justice, early on I held as many as 7 posititions at one time! That was 30 years ago when our Area was very young and not enough people to fill posititions. Actually our Area didn't exist, at first we were part of another city's Area then later formed our own. And in my first 10 years Clean held 21 positions, all for their full one year term or longer. Not quite true, I stepped down as the Portland-Vancouver ASC Treasurer when we broke from them and formed the then Vancouver ASC now Southwest Washington ASC. I remember the ASC meeting when we in southern Washington State broke from our northern Oregon ASC, it was kind like with your sponsor. They (Oregon GSR's and Oregon ASC Officers) said we couldn't form our own Area, they didn't give us permission. We (we being the GSR's of our Groups in Vancouver), simply said we already did.
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Welcome Thomas! First few things we learn is that 'HONESTY IS THE ANTIDOTE TO OUR DISEASED THINKING!.Im sure you do not want to walk around with 'resentments or a bad head about situations already occuring.I would call my sponsor and clear the air. A sponsors main job is to help you work through the steps,not be a rule maker or a dogmatic individual. By approaching our sponsors ,only another addict in recovery,we may be able to help them also,he may be going through something??. I cannot and would not work anyone elses program but for this addict I would definitely have to meet and get this straightened out.Share as you are sharing here,this is your life your talking about,not some 8th grade teacher holding the cards to good grades.As addicts we both have to go inside ,check our own inventories and see whats going on.SAY WHATS ON YOUR MIND NOW,WHILE ITS EARLY.This is supposed to be a loving and caring working relationship.It doesnt have to be friends or buddies but it needs to be respectful and serving the purpose of helping you work and apply spiritual priciples in your life to help you move forward in your recovery.Doesn't sound too spiritual at the moment huh?Its good to be involved and work service etc,but as Mike said,remember we are responsible for our own recoveries..I can only suggest what works for me.In trying situations and all times I Immediately get with my God ,pray and work to clear the air being honest in what I say and do and then move forward making sure I have released any resentments that may have been building...Let us know how it goes and keep comin back okay!!! peace.
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
i fully intend on fulfilling ALL of my responsibilities... i am in a unique posistion that i do not have to work to make money to live on, and i am recently divorced so my family life is not a 24/7 thing.... my only real responsibilities at this point in my life are the mundane parts of survival such as paying rent and bills and recovery....
i just feel like im taking heat for being TOO passionate and TOO eager to do service work.... i spent my whole life with less than zero self esteme and self confidence, and now that i finally have some, maybe im coming across as arrogant or sumpin cuz i have no idea how to properly express my self confidence and self esteme...
would it be wrong for me to talk to my sponsor's sponsor about this situation? he is someone i have turned to often in the past for advice when my sponsor wasnt available or when i just wanted MORE input
thank you both fer your words... yes, i need to adress this situation... step three says "we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him"... nowhere does it tell me to turn my will and my life over to the care of my sponsor
after reading what you guys said, i think i know how i SHOULD handle this.. whether i can stand up for myself and do it the way thats in my head remains to be seen.. lol
It might be time to look for a new sponsor. Like was said earlier, a sponsor is not your boss. Keep up your service commitments--this will help you and others.
Ok Thomas,, take a look at both sides.. 1. Your side= You want to serve and your pasion drives your commitment to carry the message by working with others, this time as PR chair. NA service thrives on guys like you doing what you are doing and giving freely of what you were given freely... Service is a Power Greater than ourselves, and each time we serve we TOUCH that HP. 2. Your sponsors side= From what you say, your sponsor stepped down from his position due to family commitment. This would indicate something in terms of how he thinks; PRIORITIZING. If you are open to this,,,,,, maybe what he really is saying is that you are already comitted in othr service positions, so why another at this stage ? Moreover, did you have any verbal or other contract with your sponsor that youd talk to him first and then take up positions ? If so, you did break contract.
Now all that said and done, a very important service-manner-norm is to dis-agree without being dis-agreeable. Inspite of repeated attempts, your sponsor has avoided dealing with this situation and moreover has also been critical of you.
This is a complicated situation,, certainly needs writing about your part in it, which youve done here, but to end resentments, we find we have to get spiritual..... Some claim there are no "musts" in NA, but when we read our Basic text there are things to do, that we can do, perhaps should do, like in pages 78 and 79...
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Raman an addict clean and serene just for today in NA Worldwide ; live to love and love to live the NA Way !!!
The line between "guiding" and "controlling" can be difficult for some sponsors. The fact that you spoke with him as well as others is important. Asking his permission seems a bit much...Is that really what he wanted you to do or are you assuming that's what he meant. Clarifying can be important here. The way you wrote this makes it pretty clear that you want to do this service and are willing to get a sponsor if need be. That might be best, but I think you owe it to yourself to make sure that things are clear before you abandon the guy who helped you get clean.
well, i thank u all fer the input and support... my sponsor and i have talked about this whole thing, and while it is NOT completely solved, it is being worked on by both of us
