I am frustrated with the process of finding the right sponsor. I just picked up my 60 day chip (I go to an open AA group, with alot of other addicts) and I've already resigned from my first sponsor. I didn't' get what others seem to get from the relationship: she didn't call, I had trouble making myself call her, we seldom met, blah blah blah. So I went without a sponsor for a couple weeks, doing a little stepwork I get from a women's stepstudy meeting. I have made a really good friend in sobriety - she has about 6 months clean now, and I can call her about anything I might need to. I guess the question is, do I really need a sponsor? And if so, why?
I did aproach someone a couple days ago, and ask her to sponsor me, but reaching out, and even just sending a random text to try and foster a relationship seems so hard for me. I texted her last night about getting together and chatting about stuff, and she never responded. This morning I get just a blah text from her asking how I was doing. Meh. I'm no good at forming decent relationships with women, and I wish I could have a male sponsor - it'd be SO much easier for me. lol
As addicts we tend to want to find the easier softer way. We want instant gratification, we want others to do it for us, we want to be fixed now.
Doesn't work that way. I am responsible for my recovery not my Sponsor. It's my responsibility to call my sponsor. And they have a life too so can't always respond immediately.
A Sponsor is someone who helps me grow, not does it for me. And growth doesn't happen staying in my comfort zone. It's not comfortable reaching out? Do it anyway. Found myself in many uncomfortable situations getting and finding ways and means to get drugs in active addiction, did it anyway. I have to be just as willing in my Recovery.
Edit: We didn't become addicted in one day. We won't recover in a day either so remember Easy Does It! One Day at a Time we do Recover and Living Life on Life's Terms does get better.
-- Edited by Mike M on Wednesday 13th of July 2011 11:17:47 AM
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Work the Steps or Die MF. (My Friend :) Clean One Day At a Time by The Grace of God through The Power of NA
Hey Rhivenn! good to see ya!! Basic Text tells us"our experience shows that those who get the most out of Narcotics Anonymous find sponsorship important>>Keep listening for someone at meetings ,in your outside shares,let people know you need help ,thats what we do ,one helpin another......We are responsible for our own recoveries.We are told that we can probably stay clean by just making meetings(Welcome to NA) but why miss out on the full benefits of the program,(want to stay clean and experience RECOVERY) if you are a member of a swimming team and don't go in the water, probably ain't gonna become much better swimmer huh ?..We do suggest men with men and women with women but they are only suggestions,I have many friends with sponsors of the other sex working wonderful programs.The right sponsor will come at the right time!!..Don't let one set back run you out of the rooms, give it a chance...Let us know how it goes okay!!!
-- Edited by MIKEF on Wednesday 13th of July 2011 12:40:15 PM
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Rhivenn, It can be difficult in the beginning, but "if you want what we have, then do what we do" getting and calling a sponsor is a major part of the recovery experience for most of us. It's important to get into the habit of calling other recovering addicts, and it does get easier. I too had trouble making calls and forming a support group. My sponsor suggested that I go up to one person after a meeting and ask for their number, then ask the person if it is ok for me to call them within the next 24 hours, and then do so. By having someone EXPECTING my call made it easier to make the call. He had me do this till I had 15 people I called. And you know what ?? It's easy for me to pick up the phone now and make or take a call. This excercise is great because now if ever I NEED to make a call...like if i'm going to use.....it won't be so hard to pick up the phone. These little suggestions that seem unimportant can be lifesavers. Glad you posted, keep coming back.
Great suggestions here, remember we didn't become addicted in one day so easy does it, I have been told by many people with more experience than me that this is not a footrace and keep your eye on your recovery ultimately the onus is on you to learn to recover, no one said that would be easy, try 90 in 90 and if that doesn't work try it again eventually you will find the right person to sponsor you, NA has a wrench to fit any Nut, lol :)
Thanks folks - very much. Insightful, helpful stuff and appreciate it much. I will keep at it...reading your resonses helped me realize that sponsorship is like any other relationship - most of them are awkward in the beginning, but they get better with time if they're the right relationship. So, thanks again!
glad you are posting - keep it up - Sponsor / Sponsee relationship - I sponsor alot of women..the first thing I tell them I not trying to be your friend..I am here to guide you thru the steps..I suggest they start buidling relationships with folks who are working a program of recovery..what I have found I have sponsees that are less needy..and that they come with real issues and are seeking solutions..and they have talked, vented thru their (what we call) hardcore 4 (folks they can tell the absoulte truth to) and then they call me to help if they have not found solutions..What I have learned thru being a sponsee..I have to do the work...I have to make the calls..I have to tell the truth...my sponsor is a busy lady..and if my ass is falling off..I can show up at her doorstep..or I can leave a message my ass is falling off. she calls right back..It really is about willing to make the call...not about who picks up on the other end..what I have gained is new friendships..without the expectations...the only thing I suggest to have in a sponsor..are they clean? do they have a sponsor? are they actively working steps? and do they go to meetings
