Boy am I disappointed in myself this morning..woke up hoping to have me time..didn't happen that way..got into a arguement with my partner..which is rare..and I said it ..Wedding is Off...so she left..I acted as if nothing happen..then Recovery kicked in..called my support..read some literature..and owned my stuff..and got on this board..after this I will go into prayer and make my amends..what I have learned is that I am still ruthless with my words. I still use my anger to hurt and crush..and that I always have to have the last word..not only do I setup the suffering but I like it sometimes. It's hard to admit..but I like winning..at any cost..but an hour into this..I feel horrible..So I must correct..I must let go...I must love..I love my partner and they did not deserve any harsh words. especially words of crushing of the spirit..today I am willing to look at my stuff and own it... and move on...with love and ask for forgiveness..
We always hurt the ones we love: they're such easy targets; we know where their buttons are; and they're so available.
Best of luck in your amends. Your partner may understand you better than you expect. She's probably a very special person or you wouldn't have had wedding plans. Wishing you two the best! :)
Hey Terry! glad that you see yourself coming,can make an admission and work toward the solution.Remember how long it used to take us to get here.!!!I still suffer that "need to be right thing" for me,but I am fully aware and progress is coming.I too will lift you up in prayer.It is amazing I had been fighting with a co-worker for over 30 years at my job and some days the feeling of excitement knowing we were going to clash was sick...step #10 we continued...........your doing it.I wish you peace and the grace of your Higher Power to bring the ship back to earth..In support and prayer...
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Our purpose is to remain clean,just for today,and to carry the message of recovery.
Hi Terry, Yes, our disease is alive and well in all of us regardless of how many keytags we have. You may not realize it yet, but yours was a very powerful message of recovery. You made a hurtful mistake, but then clearly showed how using the tools you learned in NA you are admitting your error, getting re-centered, doing the right thing and finding a measure of peace. There is no guarantee that everything will return to where it was before, but the process you described is a road map to achieving the most favorable outcome possible. thanks for sharing. Peace.
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