Hi Stacey, Nice to hear from you again. Our children are our greatest source of joy and also pain. I can relate to your story. I watched my son play soccer since he was 4 years old. I was very active in his teams, and rarely missed a practice let alone a game. It was the one area in my life with him where I shone as a dad.

But I was locked up for 4 months in his 3rd year of college. It was the year he became a star, scoring many goals and leading his team to the championship. I remember how my heart would ache every Sunday when I and the few other college soccer fans in county jail would read about his team and his own personal triumphs on the field. It is a burden I will bear for the rest of my life. But it truly is not so painful anymore. He has matured into a fine man...he is a respected school teacher and coach. Our relationship has healed. I can't honestly say that our relationship is a warm and close as I could want (Is it ever)? But it is good. We speak often, make time to see each other, and he calls or chats with me to share news of his life. It's a good relationship that I am happy to have.

Stacey, getting clean was the first step in the healing that occurred between me and my son. Without that NOTHING else would have been possible, so it is absolutely essential that you stay in recovery and don't use no matter what! After that the healing can begin and it begins with the steps. The 12 steps of NA worked with an experienced, caring sponsor will change your life. It can be difficult and certainly a little scary, but I am convinced that the only way we can truly change from the fear driven obsessive/compulsive self centered addict into a person who is alive and free, who can love themselves again and therefore truly love others is by diligently applying ourselves to the 12 of Narcotics Anonymous and working them to the very best of our ability.

I'm glad your well Stacey. Please believe that your relationships can get better. YOU can get better. One day at a time, by the grace of God, and the 12 steps of NA.

God bless you. Peace.

Hi Stacey glad you made it back. It's the consequenses of our actions that remind us not to make the same mistakes twice. My son didn't speak to me for 12mnths after my relapse, it broke my heart, his birthday,christmas and mothers day came and went and I wasn't even able to text him and let him know I was sorry for the pain that I caused him cause like you I was in rehab and he was still really angry with me for picking up. when his father died of and overdose I promised him that I would never use again and for me to break that promise to him devestated him. Now our relationship is as strong as it ever was and I never want to loose him again. So just for today I choose to honour myself and my son and I don't pick up no matter what............